Now I aint saying she's a golddigger...

[FeelingGoodAsHelll]

Hello all

My title is exactly how I am being made to feel right now.

Me and my husband are currently separating - we aren't legally separated just yet - we need to agree on minute of agreement which will be issued hopefully soon - his solicitor is drawing them up.

We bought out house 2 years before getting married. My STBXH paid the deposit (around 25k). I had just finished uni at that point and was in a trainee role.. so my salary was peanuts for a while. His parents gifted £5k to US (no paperwork, nothing) a few years back and paid towards some of our wedding too. Again, it was to US, no paperwork.

My STBXH, as he earns x4 my salary, decided to overpay the mortgage every month, as he could afford to, and wanted to reduce our mortgage quickly etc. I didnt overpay as I had a lower salary and couldnt afford to. The mortgage / bill split was probably 70/30 (me paying 30, I didnt decide this split, he put everyhthing into a spreadsheet which worked out what we should both pay, his idea).

We verbally made an agreement that I could keep something (I wont say what as it will be very outing) if I dont touch his pension & savings account. He also wanted me to give back his deposit, which I intially agreed but house prices are high so I said no that I wanted the house split 50/50 as per title deeds. He agreed. He then came over a few days ago and told me that he wanted me to agree to not touch anything in his personal bank account (I said I wouldnt, why would I?!). He then said that he wanted x, y, z item from the house added to this "list". I started to get annoyed as this list is getting bigger and bigger and all I wanted was one thing.

Anyway, he said he would buy me out, and pay me half the house, he told me the figure he could afford. Home report came back below this figure (by quite a bit). He now tells me he can't afford it, despite telling me the bank has agreed to lend him the money. He then asked if I would decrease my share. I asked by how much. He then said he wanted all overpayments, his deposit, and all monetary gifts his mum and dad deducted from my share. I told him that we should just sell the house if he can't afford to buy me out, he is reluctant to do this.

I Told him he was taking the piss and that he wont be happy until I walk away with nothing. He profoundly apologised, said he would move money around to get the funds (So he can afford it). I then picked a solicitor who told me that my verbal agreement was rubbish and that she wanted to see all bank accounts, savings, pensions to see what I am legally entitled to. I disagreed but she was quite adamant. I gave my STBXH the heads up about this to which he said, "if you or your solicitor ask any questions, or try and take my pension or savings, the fighting gloves will come on and mud will be thrown... youll walk away with a lot less than 50%, you'll regret it".

In the meantime, he keeps telling me to put offers on properties so I can move out asap but I can't as I don't know what my deposit will be. He keeps telling me to get a mortgage in principle, which I have but they are really low as I am putting down the worst case scenario, i.e. if I do end up with nothing. He told me that he won't give me my share of the money until I give my keys back to him (if he buys me out). I offered to move into my dads, so I can get this money and move on, but asked if I could keep bigger furniture in our house (my dads house is tiny) until I move in my own house, he said no, once I move out, I cant come back. I feel like he is pressuring me. My solicitor said he is bullying me and I should call bluff on the thing he has promised that I can have if I dont touch x, y, z.

I only want 50/50 split on house and the promised thing. However, I feel he is being unfair and pressuring me.

AIBU??

This split was mutal!!

I cant remember the document name, is it the title deeds? I'm not sure, basically when we purchased the house, we were asking how we would like to purchase it - if it was an uneven split.. or an equal split (so 50/50 if death or divorce etc.) and I cant remember the third option. We chose the 2nd option, so I have a document saying the house, legally, belongs to both of us and any monetary value is eqaully owned/split.

But I never mentioned his pensions or savings he did. Infact, its only him that mentions it.

Strange because your original post suggests that you did indeed mention the pensions and savings? Or did you just say something along the lines of, "I've went and seen a solicitor and he may want to look deeper into your finances"?

So I am not going for anything other than what we agreed many years ago.
If he wanted to ring fence his deposit or have an equal split, he should have said.
I only want half the house value (as per home report) so I can purchase a property, albeit a much smaller property - I am not looking to take all he is worth! I dont even know what that is!

Sorry if I've confused anyone, yes, I have mentioend them once. He was the one to mention them first. He started negotiations with those assets and the dog. I only every mentioned them when my solicotr said she would want to see all details of these things. I disagreed but contacted my STXH to just let him know that my solicitor has asked for these things, I said that I would still want for us to agree things informally as possible - so the solictors dont have to go back and forth. I only gave him the heads up incase it was brought up and he thought I was going back on our agreement or that I was being sneaky. If I was, or if I had another motive, I wouldnt have told hi.m

OP, apologies, I thought you meant the money was for the deposit. You can give 5K to your child on marriage tax free. Otherwise I think you can give up to 3K in total each year - you can split this.

You have only contributed 30% but you are still wanting more than that.

He is offering you more than that do it's hard to see how you aren't being opportunist.

You get a dog and half the value of a house that you contributed less than a third too.

If it plays out in court, good luck getting much more.

Exactly, we are saying that regardless of gender, if one partner sacrifices sonething career wise for the family or does the sahp role then there should definitely be some form of consideration for that if the marriage breaks down…

Depends how much is int he pensions and saving, which she doesn't know and he doesn't want to tell her.

So OP as a married couple you both have to declare your pension pots and value of the house. Any deposits and value of house minus outstanding mortgage are shared marital assets, savings of both of you individually and together and cars, so your solicitor is right, regardless of who paid the deposit where money given to both of you came from and that he earns more money than you is all taken into account by judge in splitting assets and maintenance payments going forward

So you would be foolish not to listen to your solicitor , it doesn't matter what he thinks or threatens you with, if you don't accept what he wants, it is very unlikely you will get less than 50% of the house value asset and you are entitled to share if his pension pot yo date whilst you are married sake as he is yours. I say that as someone who paid all the deposit and had an inheritance from my side if the family prior to separating and financial disclosures- it was all treated as equally shared marital assets.

You can get a solicitor to help with form E and represent yourself. As the judge will want to ensure you both are housed and have a fair share each.

Also don't give him keys or move out. There is no need to be pressurised into that regardless of what his family or STBX says

He will have to declare what his pension pot and other savings are, is as will you

You need 3 valuations for your property too.

Go for 5050 if am marital assets. Of course it’s fair. Everything paid by two parties was in the interested if the family at the time.

you have to have enough for your future, home, retirement etc.

if he didn’t want to lose it should have behaved or done a prenup. He does sound like a bully. Let your solicitor deal with it.

You've been married 2 years and during the time you've been together your ex has subsidies you. You've finished your chosen degree, chosen and lived in a house together and made first few steps into your chosen career. You've done what you would have done, not made sacrifices for the good of your family.
Personally I think 50:50 is very generous. I can also appreciate him wanting a clean break and not wanting youvstoring your furniture in his house. Get legal advice and make him an offer. Ask for £x, your few pieces of furniture and nothing else for a clean break. He may come back with a counter offer. If you expect/demand too much,the house will need to be sold. Everyone will loose out. Don't be greedy.

Listen to your solicitor’s advice. You’re paying them to advise you and they know much more than we do.

The parents and their gifts, they might say that but it’s tough. They didn’t ring fence their gift - they gave it to both of you.

Married for 5 years

The thing is, the point of marriage is that you agree to share your property/ assets. So one person can’t, unfortunately cry foul at the point of divorce.

Only time I think this is unfair is if there are DC in the mix, and one person has neither worked nor provided care for them - been a sham SAHP to school aged kids but actually let their working partner do all the work of childcare - and then still wants half or more.

OP, you may have wanted to settle all this informally but you can't because you don't trust he's acting in good faith. Go to a solicitor, find out from them what you're legally entitled to, then let the solicitor deal with your ex or his solicitor.
Good luck

We don’t know his pensions or savings so 30% of total assets may well be way over 50% of the value of the house. This is what so many people are missing here.

I don’t know how to court will split things when it comes to the settlement, but at this stage it matters not a jolt who paid more and both equally own the property. At this stage she is entitled to 50%. It’s just how it works when married until other circumstances are taken into consideration.

I also don't think you are a gold digger. You've been together a long time and married for 5 years.

I agree with pp, stay in the house and grey rock him until it's all sorted. It'll give him the impetuous to want to get things settled too.

Take the solicitors advice and do what feels right for you. You were not a 5 minute fling.

Why are you not asking for any of his pension and capital? You are entitled to some .

Go through the process with your solicitors.

You set out your assets, then agree how to divide them.

Right now he's saying 'do you agree to this slice of the cake' when most of it is out of view so you don't know how much you're getting as a proportion.

Say your house is worth £200k and you imagine his savings and pension are £100k. Maybe agreeing to half the house and that's it is fine. Or a third of the house or whatever.

If it turns out his savings and pension are £500k, does that change things? I think it does.

“He should have behaved” … it’s a mutual break up. How did he not “behave”?

And pre-nups aren’t legally binding in the UK, courts can and do completely disregard them in the interest of fairness.

There isn’t a single hope in hell that OP will get 50%.

You were right until you said about 50/50 in a divorce. That’s not true. It’s a starting point. From that point, they’ll say that OP contributed less, OP earned less, OP saved less, OP chose a less lucrative career… she has no points in her favour and he has every single point in his. She won’t get 50%. The 50% starting point assumes both parties contributed 50% when you take into account all the ways to contribute to a marriage but that’s not the case here. OP contributed less so she’ll get less (quite rightly).

I don't see how getting 50% from a house that is owed 50/50 is that controversial. Sure, he might have paid more. But then we can start giving monetary value on everything including utilities, opinions (on house, location), convenience, housework, emotional support etc. He should have ring-fenced deposit/had bigger portion of the house in his name or something if he wanted more.

I'd wager his parents have given him more than you know and it's sitting in his account, he doesn't want you to see it. Ignore all threats, follow your solicitors advice always.