Our guests are hinting they wont leave .. continued thread …

[Duvetdaysaregood]

Did anyone read my previous thread were dd bf invited his parents to stay over Christmas and it was awful? Seemed to be dominating our household etc. bit of a user . We got some very good advice.

We have now been thrown a bit of a new situation and would appreciate advice please.

Our dd has kindly booked us a weekend away , her and us . We were over the moon until we heard the words and bf can come and look after the pets . ( we normally take with us , but cannot to this venue ) .

In the previous thread I identified that the bf said to us he considered our home one of his bases.
There is a backstory in the thread but don't know how to link !

We really dont want him to be in our home by himself (and also possibly invite parents again. )
In the face of our daughters genuine kindness we are instead of feeling pleased , stressed.
We don't want to lose her by insulting her bf , but anyone who has read the previous thread will know why this is really not on .

What in earth can we say to our dd?
We also would like advice on what do to in future a
s we feel that anytime we go away our home may be seen as an opportunity to be moved into as he may see it as a chance for a free holiday ( again if you read the backstory , you will know why)

( we cannot really say oh so and so is moving in for a week to deter ? As this gives the idea its fine for people to move into our home. Of course if it was our dd or other family members it would go without question they are welcome to use our home , we would be glad to let them use it .)
Simply do not know how to deal
with this and as said we don't want to lose dd over the fact that we do not want her bf using our house when we are away — she knows we are naturally inclusive people and will sus that this is not how we are and be surprised if we say no . . she will ask why.. especially has done something so kind for us .

Op I followed your previous thread at Christmas and I was so angry for you and the situation you found yourself in.

Reafing your thread today has made me feel so anxious for you and your DD. Her BF sounds like trouble.

I hate to say it but you are letting yourself and more so your DD down by not being honest about your feelings.

She might not like what you have to say but it needs said. Not only will it avoid similar scenarios arising again , but it will make your DD think.

You seem like lovely parents, she won’t break off contact because you have been honest. She will know how much you love her and that you are saying this out of concern.

You have three options: decline your daughter's invitation; go and let him stay in your house; go and tell them he won't be staying in your house.
I recommend the third. Put the dogs in kennels and say you don't want anyone there while you're away.
Don't make up lies; just say you're not ok with it.

But.. my fear is that dd will say yes but look bf wants to stay and have a break . She knows other people have done it in our home . Can he stay? Why not. Xyz do ?

Sorry that won't work for us and repeat until she gets the message.

Or, yes, that's right Xyz were INVITED by us, as OUR guests. Your boyfriend, on his own is not our guest. I feel you are trying to strong arm us into letting him into our house when we're not there when I've said that won't work for us.

Ask her directly, is this conditional to the trip you've booked for us i.e. if you don't let him stay when we're away then we're not going away at all ?

Is there going to be a sour atmosphere between us when we meet if I've stood my ground and not let him stay unsupervised ?

You might want to change the locks too because I wouldn't put it past him to sneak a key or have a sneaky copy of a key to let himself in now he knows when your house will be empty. (Just give some suitably plausible excuse that you lost your key or you've become concerned about a dodgy lock)

The guy is a leech. He was cheeky bastard to bring both his parents to yours over Christmas and they were discussing among themselves about staying longer !

The problem here is actually your dd. While he’s a prick, it is your dd who has set this up and has set the scene for him to take the piss out of you.

Sorry op but I don’t think you’re being kind to your daughter by facilitating this nonsense. Its not ok, her behaviour and entitlement is not ok. Im astonished by his remarks to your husband and the idea your home is his base. Wtf.

For her own sake, have the conversation with her. Because if they act like this around friends your dd is going to be friendless very quickly. I would be surprised if her friends aren’t already avoiding her.

Also, 'he could do with a break' Jeez, just where does he get off ? (So he could pay for a hotel/B&B not assume he's getting free use of an empty property.) Also, don't fall for any, 'house sitting' bullshit from him either.

IMO it's blindingly obvious he would bring his parents along with him for another freeloading session if you agreed. In fact, even if you didn't. He could / they could really go to town in your house. Eat you out of house and home. Rummage through your cupboards and drawers etc etc.

Do not accommodate the cheeky fucker. In any sense of the word. Usual story cheeky fucker taking advantage of someone else's lack of assertiveness. That's how they get away with it, again and again.

He's got your daughter, 'on side' and doesn't see why you are not the same. He probably knows you're not comfortable about what he's like. Could he give a fuck about it ? Nope, their sort never do.

Your last thread and this one make me feel the same way as those British films where no one says anything and the stress and anxiety escalates and escalates. Except the stress in the film is usually punctured with a spatter of comedy.

How do people live like this?

Just say no and spend the weekend you have with your daughter explaining why you don’t like her boyfriend. Make it clear you will be polite and welcoming as long as he is a guest of hers but that doesn’t extend to his parents and will come with strict boundaries.

Take a deep breath and be honest with you. I've had this with my DD - your BF is not the person we would choose for you, because XYZ ( I don't know your previous thread). We won't feel comfortable having him in our home while we're away. Note, our home .This is a perfectly reasonable way to think, that your home is yours, and you get to say who stays there. No arguments.

you're 😊

@Springtimeshowers

Are you the boyfriend ?

Get new locks/keys so they don't have a set and an alarm system. Pay someone to look after the animals and problem solved.

😂

OP probably does think they're not good enough.

That'll be because they're freeloading, mannerless leeches. And the son is a thief.

The problem here is actually your dd. While he’s a prick, it is your dd who has set this up and has set the scene for him to take the piss out of you.

He's got no boundaries when it comes to freeloading and being opportunistic. He's got his own boundaries of course. Freeloaders are inevitably tight fisted and mean spirited. It's low level thieving and thieves are predators.

Oh, and it also needs to be made clear to your daughter and also her boyfriend that the fact that she 'lives' at his parents house with him/them does not mean there's an automatic reciprocal arrangement/agreement with you/your house.

Hey, just a thought - why not take your dogs to his place for him to look after while you're away? 😆

The OPs daughter DOES NOT live with her boyfriends parents.

The boyfriend insisted they come for Christmas too.

A complete first in my experience.

The OP's husband was stressed apparently yet largely left it to the OP to cope with a ghastly set of parents and their inbred son.

The boyfriend are indeed the type that people would contemplate moving away to avoid.

But I honestly don't know people whose child would allow such a presumptuous intrusion to her parents home arise.

She thinks very little of her parents as her mother ran around skivvying for them all...........

................however now, 3 weeks later she's suddenly desperate to see them.................and have her former home vacated for her boyfriend.

Completely unbelievable.

I'm the opposite to you

this situation sounds way more serious than OP realises

did you look at the other thread?

something is seriously wrong here. That BF and his "hobby" and all the behaviour...I feel like OP hasn't seen the half of the potential problems.

i cba reading the whole thread but I guess I'm the only one thinking cuckooing? Okay, that might be extreme, but this guy is a thief, he's got his parents in on the game of staying at OP house...nothing about this is okay.

I haven't read the previous thread, if your DD doesn't live with you, change the locks and make alternative arrangements for the pets. Stop wasting all this time hand wringing and tip toeing about your DD and tell her you don't want him having access to your home.

Why would he need to go away with them? And honestly because someone has a nice house,.anyone who wants to should be allowed to stay there?!
Again l still think there is a reason he wants you out of you're house that weekend? Do you have large outbuildings that could be used to store/hide things?

Where has the assumption come from that this is some grand plan of his? It was the daughter who invited them away

You have to tell her your misgivings.

It's a massive drama over nothing. Make alternate plans for the pets and let her know that he isn't needed. Change the locks too.

Did you read the other thread at all?

most important bits for me are

• thief dating OP daughter wants access to OP home while OP is away
• daughter likely organised trip to get thieving BF to stay at OP home

Yes with the caveat that the bf gets a 'nice break' at her parents home, which he sees as 'one of his bases' apparently.

Daughter's boyfriend will insist he comes on the pre-arranged trip when he realises a 'free shot' at her parents house won't be happening.

Such fun !

what did he steal?