To think sex shouldn't be happening here

[Norestnosanity]

I live in the middle flat of a townhouse conversion. The people above me have either laminate or bare floorboards. I have so far put up with the stomping and hearing every drawer open and slam shut. I have put up with the obvious lack of privacy - absolute silence when I'm on the phone and then stomping off when I'm finished, moving when I move etc.

Lately it's got ridiculous imo. Last year summer they came in and had absolutely wild sex with windows open, I could hear every single thing (8pm). I thought it was a mistake, a drunken one night stand and they forgot that we live inside a drum. I snuck out of the room directly below an h

And waited an hour or so and it all seemed fine. I thought everyone makes mistakes.

Then it got more and more often. To be fair there seems to be a tiny bit of effort to gradually tone down the vocals after I turned on telly really loud. But they just stop for half an hour and then think they'll try again.

It's woken me up in the night. So I put headphones on with meditation music and the baby monitor sound. I can still hear the thumping and stamping through it.

Last night I was still up when it started and I loudly, without having to even shout because there is absolutely. No. Privacy. Here. Obviously. It stopped but then I felt so tense about it all that I couldn't sleep then.

It feels like there is no consideration. The activities and lifestyle you want are not compatible with your flooring choice. If you can hear me you surely know I can hear you?

The council say nothing can be done about 'everyday noise'. But surely there's a limit? The walls shake, my doors rattle, the paint chips off my ceiling, I can't sleep. They say I should talk to them myself but I refuse. They know they can be heard because they hear me. There are at least 3 men in that flat and I'm a single woman with a very young child. I don't feel comfortable or that I should have to talk to these people directly.

To not dripfeed,

• I use my sewing machine between 10am and 9pm (not constantly but anywhere between then) and if there's one of them in the room above me he will stamp and slam. Especially if he's going out, then he will open and shut drawers for up to an hour. Why don't you put proper flooring down if you don't want to hear it. It's so much easier to fix the floor than the ceiling.

• I have a long, complex mental health history which might make feel more tense about it than someone else. But imo it shouldn't really matter for this aibu.

I doubt very much they can hear you as much as you can hear them op.

Can you ask to move?

or that I should have to talk to these people directly.

YABU.

Just talk to them and explain the situation to them.

If there is an issue you need to discuss with them but it doesn’t sound like are doing much unreasonable and that maybe your life has made you more over sensitive to these things.

You're using 'put up with' about them just going about daily life. You can't really expect them to tip toe around and not do ordinary things such as opening drawers. Mention the noisy sex if you like but they also still need to be able to conduct a sex life. Your downstairs neighbour likely has similar issues. Can you consider moving as doesn't really seem like the ideal place for you?

They're shagging so hard that your walls shake, doors rattle and paint chips off the ceiling?
Are you living in the crossroads set?

Could you pop a note through? They perhaps haven’t put 2 and 2 together that it’s the floor. I would be more considerate to someone who sent me a friendly note than shouted through the floor and silently seething will do nothing. I do feel for you, your home should be your sanctuary.

Unfortunately, you’ll hear them a lot more than they hear you. That’s because of the way sound travels. The cause of their sound (their body, their furniture etc) is attached to the floor. The source of your noise is attached to your floor and not to your ceiling. They probably don’t realise how much sound is travelling down from them to you - just as you don’t realise how much your sound is travelling to your downstairs neighbours (and you don’t hear your downstairs neighbours). I think you’re probably a victim of confirmation bias with thinking they start up in response to your sewing. Regardless, you can’t expect them not to walk around or open drawers. You equally can’t demand carpets, I have asthma triggered by dust and I’d be really unwell if I lived with carpets. You also don’t know if they own or rent - they might not have a choice over the flooring.

Do you own or rent? You could overboard your ceiling for the same time and price as they do their floors.

Talk to them about it? On the positive side you wouldn't even need to go up to their flat apparently. You could just stay at home, start talking and they will be able to hear every word.

What’s the set up OP? Are the flats on leases? If so, chances are the lease will have a covenant to say floors in living areas must be carpeted. If that’s the case, you can complain to the freeholder about the noise as a result of the breach.

Well your thread title is totally unreasonable

To think sex shouldn't be happening here

So you don't think they should be having sex at all because the noise travels. Yeah that's totally reasonable 🙄

I think you're being a wee bit unreasonable thinking they shouldn't be having sex in the flat.

Where you live is not suitable for you. You need to move as this cannot improve. Be more aware of your noise hypersensitivity when choosing your next place to live.

I don't think all your examples are really happening the way you think they are either.

You need to start shouting marks out of 10 at the end.

If the council say nothing can do to help this do your research and give them soundproofing options

I mean, surely they are entitled to have sex in their own house.

You’re using a sewing machine which is also noisy.

Overall, you are obviously sound sensitive and therefore unsuited to living in this set up. This is not your neighbours fault. Can you move?

They should have a carpeted floor (is this not a requirement now in most first floor and above flats?) or put down thick rugs under the bed
I don’t think they should curtail their sex life necessarily though as that’s not a good way to live either but they should be considerate re noise

Is it the woman making most of the performance sex noises

In my home at night my neighbours & I can hear each others every move as the walls are so thin, so I do understand.
You either have to ignore the noise or move somewhere less noisy.

I get it OP. The top floor flat above me has hard flooring and I hear everything too. My neighbour downstairs (ground floor) hears everything from the top floor but not me (carpeted) so it makes a huge difference.

Do your neighbours upstairs own or rent? If they rent, can you talk to them/their landlord and politely ask for the flooring to be changed?

Is there not clauses in your contract re/ flooring. Never been allowed wooden flooring in any flats I’ve lived in due to noise.

I don’t think where you live is suitable for you either. People don’t stomp around constantly, have you tried it? It’s a lot of effort so likely they’re just heavy footed. You can’t obviously noisily open a drawer either so I think you need to accept you live somewhere with terrible sound proofing.

You also must be away of your noise, you sew a lot and have a child… that is going to be noisy too. They can’t stop you having children as much as you can’t stop them having sex because you don’t want to hear it.

Id look at moving if it was an option to be honest as it sounds like you’re driving yourself crazy

Okay, so you're using a sewing machine for up to 11 hours a day and they're not allowed to have sex, which surely, unless they're all absolute stallions, takes a fraction of that time? I think YABU, sorry. You clearly see the noise you make as having less of an impact on them than their noise has on you, but the repititive clattering of a sewing machine for 11 hours a day would drive me absolutely, completely, fucking insane! I don't really blame them for having noisy sex to get their own back.

The downstairs neighbour has said we're not loud, but we have carpet.

To other posters, I'm not wanting them to tip toe. I think they shouldn't have bare floors with no rugs or carpets. I don't mind the pad of feet, I kind clip clopping shoes and grown adults jumping down steps etc. I don't think it's 'everyday' on the receiving end when you haven't got proper flooring.

Would it be possible to put a note through their door explaining you can hear everything? Honestly they may not realise!

Is it an older building? In Edinburgh/Glasgow most flats have wooden floors because they are old tenement buildings. I live in a new build flat and we all have laminate floors but I never hear anything from upstairs!

Okay, so you're using a sewing machine for up to 11 hours a day

No, I was quite clear about that. In total 1-3 hours. Not everyday, up to 3 or 3 times a week. I mentioned the time because I think 9pm cut off for loud noises is reasonable and I want to be a considerate neighbour that doesn't wake people up before 10 or after 9.