To think sex shouldn't be happening here

[Norestnosanity]

I live in the middle flat of a townhouse conversion. The people above me have either laminate or bare floorboards. I have so far put up with the stomping and hearing every drawer open and slam shut. I have put up with the obvious lack of privacy - absolute silence when I'm on the phone and then stomping off when I'm finished, moving when I move etc.

Lately it's got ridiculous imo. Last year summer they came in and had absolutely wild sex with windows open, I could hear every single thing (8pm). I thought it was a mistake, a drunken one night stand and they forgot that we live inside a drum. I snuck out of the room directly below an h

that's exactly what I was going to say. If it is leasehold, there may be a way.

To add, I totally feel you. I am an HSP, currently renting and also in a middle flat. Do not hear downstairs folks (couple), certainly hear one guy above and he just walks - I can't expect him not to.
I am looking to buy and will be looking to be on top floor. No compromises here.

Worst I lived in was an old police station. Walls seemed like they were made of paper mache. Current place is a maisonette and the walls seem pretty thick. For instance, neighbours will have music on that's clearly audible from outside with windows open, but quiet and muffled from inside.

@ImpartialMongoose Most people get a choice in where they live. My husband works shifts and is noise sensitive, we avoid ground or mid floor flats for that reason. I’m not unsympathetic to the OP but I don’t think you can move to a flat with upstairs neighbours and be annoyed that they’re having sex/walking around their property/opening drawers. That’s just normal day to day stuff. If you can’t handle noise from upstairs neighbours don’t move to a lower flat.

I'm sorry but if someone told me I couldn't have sex in my own home because it was loud to them I'd tell them to shove off.

I don't think carpets will make as much difference as you think. They only reduce the noise by about 9% or 40% at most but for the 40% they need expensive carpet, good underlay, original concrete floor, etc.
You seem as though you've got fixated on the flooring difference but even if they were willing to buy carpets for every room to appease you, it's highly likely that you'd still hear most of the noises you're complaining about.

I also very much doubt that they know how loud their noise is in the flat below. I'm sure this poster has posted about this issue before - last summer maybe recently after moving in. If she won't even go up and have a chat with them though that's ridiculous.

I just wrote a crazy long post and lost it. Summarised

• I accept most think I'm unreasonable, I don't want to be the type of poster that insists they are reasonable.

• I am surprised how many people don't seem to mind being heard or hearing sex frequently.

• lived in 8 flats (always someone above me) have heard neighbours have sex/argue/party/stamp before. Never heard anything like this.

• Council freeholder, me council, above me council (I believe), downstairs leaseholder.

• swapped a year ago

• pp is correct I don't like them and it might colour my view of them. My post and parcels have been ripped open or gone missing when I moved in. I didn't know who or when so get post sent elsewhere now. Upstairs neighbour has admitted to asking downstairs parcel and given it back to her when she reported it opened and gone through. They walk past the bins and don't put them back. Used to have hoovering routine at 9pm on Sundays. One of the men let himself in my flat on my moving day and demanded to know where I was from when I found him coming through the door. I hear them fighting physically and arguing in the day so I try to work in different rooms and put headphones on but the thumping still comes through. If my head is leaning on the wall I can feel it shaking when the walk. It just feels oppressive lately with the sex at night too. I have to wear headphones through day and night and sometimes I just want to sit in quiet. I get about 1-4 hours sleep a night and last night 0. Maybe it's the straw that broke the camel's back for me. I wanted objective opinions though about just the sex noise not about my neighbours other behaviour. Which I have now, thank you.

• I will try the council again and then look into if I can soundproof from my side and maybe better headphones or sleeping in dc room which seems to be the least used. I might look at swapping again but I'd like to not move DC again so soon.

• I really don't want to talk to these people, I avoid them as much as possible really, so I won't do that suggestion. Especially not now that I see they would probably think I was being unreasonable.

• to just clarify I know how paranoid I sound but I'm certain they can hear my footsteps in their floor because I hear the ceiling creak when I walk. Sometimes when I walk into a room the chatter I could hear suddenly stops or something very heavy is dropped. It is 'coincidental everyday noise' but it's a lot of coincidences to me. Like flushing the toilet after I run a bath. As soon as I turn the taps off I hear the footsteps coming. I now run the bath and wait for the flush before I get in. As soon as I say bye on the phone footsteps walk away. Often, trying to not be heard, nothing like the 'everyday noise'. I know it sounds mad and maybe I am maybe it's all coincidence but it really feels like it isn't. Maybe it's just lack of sleep and the tension that comes with it.

• to answer another pp, I think, I can't hear every word they say but I can hear the sing song of the voice like I'm sure they can me. I hear when angry, when happy, arguing, on the phone etc. Also I can't speak their language but they speak mine so it's hard for me to tell if they can hear what I'm saying. The next door neighbours speak my language and when animated I can catch some words, if I tried to listen I'm sure I could make it out. I obviously don't listen to them, it's normal chatting and isn't bothersome. Just like downstairs neighbour chatting in the hall or garden, I can hear it and would know what was being said if I wanted to.

Sorry that was not a summary I just wrote it all out again basically. And now sound even more loopy. Thank you for reading and replying. I won't keep going on now, I promise. Thank you to posters that posted about your similar situations and sympathised, I hope it improves for you eventually.

I would have a word with your GP, in all honesty, as some of this sounds like paranoia and mental health rather than a noise problem. I'm not saying there isn't also a noise problem but you are making links that are unlikely, to say the least.

And move.

Op, that's awful. I really feel for you.
Poor acoustic insulation causes misery and ask the more dreadful because if the developers had done a better job your nerves would be a lot less frazzled.
Personally I'd be trying to get out asap as not wanting to move my child or not I couldn't tolerate that for long before I was a pretty grumpy parent anyway. 😔
So sorry your home is like this and so sorry your neighbours are very inconsiderate with it - a double whammy.
I had a friend who lived in a flat like this, she was the one above so didn't really hear below but he heard everything of her. We guests were asked to tiptoe round in socks (we made light of it and it could be amusing trying to out-quiet each others feet, and she did her best to minimise her impact generally, as it wasn't his fault the acoustics were awful. Living under someone like her would be better as you would at least know any noise was not deliberate.

I hear you, OP. It's awful if you can't relax in your own home. My mum's flat was like this - you would hear her upstairs neighbour come in late at night and kick off one shoe and wait for the next one. Always stomping. Mum took to sleeping in the living room eventually. I think the only two options are to swap , or to pay for insulation to be put into your ceiling. I've seen before and after in a flat that's had this done and there's no sound from above now.

It sounds awful! I would be doing everything to move. They sound vile.

There's three blokes living there and one woman and they're having performative sex. And then what just walking out the room and sitting on the sofa like nothing happened? Gross.

I really think you need to move. You're going to lose your mind there. I know moving isn't easy but God you live in my literal hell.

It's not the sex that should not be happening, sex is good, it's the discourtesy to you by others.

The issue is not so much the laminate as what is underneath and between their floor and your ceiling. When was the place built and was it purpose built or a conversion?

Yes, you need to talk with them and be nice about it.

very possibly they have no idea.

Have you posted about this before?

In my last house which was a detached five bed three storey 90's build, I could hear my stepson breath wherever he was. When he walked up the stairs "normally" he sounded like a herd of elephants. We had carpets on the upper floors, but I could still hear everything. It did cause a few arguments. He wasn't trying to be quiet but to be fair he also wasn't being deliberately noisy, it was just "him". He's was a tall lad.

I suspect this is the issue with the men above you - they're not being busy on purpose, but they are not naturally quiet people (unlike me who is like a little mouse). I can see how this would be annoying. But I also think you're tiredness is making it more acute for you.

When was the place built and was it purpose built or a conversion?

I think it's victorian, a townhouse conversion. I've checked both the leaseholder and tenancy agreements. Both say that carpet or soundproofing for laminate should be on the floors.

Have you posted about this before?

Nope. But if you know someone who has and found a solution I'd be grateful for the link.

If you don't mind me asking how did you get the council to pay attention. Council is freeholder here too.

We didn't have a problem because everybody had carpet down as required. If it's in your lease their flat should be carpeted, you should be able to speak with the council.

@geekone eh???? I'm not a mouse! Who squeaks when they have sex?! Possibly more lube required.......

😂Crossroads set. Ooh Miss Dianne!
I'll have a pint of what they're having

Sex shouldn't be happening where??

You actually weren’t clear about that in your OP, FYI.

'maranella'
Could you possibly be any more ignorant 🤔
This girl lives on her own with a young baby, exhausted and getting no support from the council and has obviously came on here for advice and comfort and all she gets is abuse from you!!
Instead of typing all that crap out to make her feel worse you would have been better just ignoring her post and commenting on some other post more to your own ethics! Have you no compassion at all?

Unfortunately I would say this is just the flat experience. I've lived in a couple of flats and neighbours having noisy sex is part of the parcel. It's frustrating to have your sleep interrupted by it, but if you can't put up with it it's better to look for somewhere else to live or buy ear plugs. Living in a flat is always gonna have some level of neighbour noise. You need to be able to sleep through it or its not for you.

If you’re a leaseholder check the terms of your lease. Are the people upstairs leaseholders or tenants do you know. You need to make a complaint to the council if you feel your neighbours may be in breach of their lease or tenancy. Also speak to the Councils Environmental Team who may deal with noise complaints. They usually have recording equipment that can measure the noise level. Talk to citizens advice or your local councillor for advice. Noisy sex is a nuisance and the Council may be able to take action