To think sex shouldn't be happening here

[Norestnosanity]

I live in the middle flat of a townhouse conversion. The people above me have either laminate or bare floorboards. I have so far put up with the stomping and hearing every drawer open and slam shut. I have put up with the obvious lack of privacy - absolute silence when I'm on the phone and then stomping off when I'm finished, moving when I move etc.

Lately it's got ridiculous imo. Last year summer they came in and had absolutely wild sex with windows open, I could hear every single thing (8pm). I thought it was a mistake, a drunken one night stand and they forgot that we live inside a drum. I snuck out of the room directly below an h

I totally get why you are annoyed, I would be too. I think the only thing to do is contact council and get a copy of leasehold. Find out if they should have carpets, and if so ask council to enforce it.

Keep a written trail of everything.

Seems you’ve ignored comments suggesting to move

I’d move if I were you

If it’s social housing at the very least list it for a swap.

Hardly the point is it?

We can’t any of us know whether they are deliberately having loud sex for performance reasons or if they genuinely get carried away (and neither can the OP). Everyone is different.

I have some sympathy because I have lived in situations when I have been tormented by noisy neighbours and it’s horrendous but I really don’t think it’s reasonable to expect people to abstain from sex or not open drawers in the bedroom because the neighbours might hear. If they were playing banging techno until 1am you would have a point but this is normal living.

I think you probably need to find strategies to enable you to be less triggered and stressed out by this. If it’s not sex or opening of drawers it will something else.

Have you ever put a note through or tried to speak to them? If no-one’s ever raised anything with them then they won’t change. I’d be mortified if someone put a note through to say they could hear me having sex, but then I’d say if they are screaming / shouting then they must know that. It’s not unreasonable to have sex in your own home, but they need to be considerate which they aren’t doing. I’m moving to a flat soon and have a new boyfriend so we have a lot of sex right now, before we get bored and read in bed! But I wouldn’t be screaming and shouting and would be paranoid of things like headboards banging. These people sound like they don’t care unfortunately

All you can do is speak to them. It doesn't need to be confrontational just make them aware it's quite noisy.

But you live in a flat it's reasonable there will be noise. You can't object to them walking, talking or having sex.

Maybe look to seek some support? CBT can be really helpful with negative thoughts.

Record them having sex and play it back loudly through your stereo. 😂

Moving is a faff is she bought the place 6 months ago but she hasn't actually said... Also do the people about own their flat or are they just rental tenants? If they are rental tenants she could talk to the landlord.

If she's in rented, then I'd suggest start looking for another place...

I think what you imagine is happening (purposely stomping & slamming drawers) isn’t happening at all & they're just living their lives.

What have they said when you’ve spoken to them about getting carpet/rugs?

We lived in loads of flats. Some aren’t fit for humans because the sound proofing is so poor. They make everyone miserable and grumpy with each other. We moved to an older divided up house and never had any sound issues. Likewise a much newer flat. Is yours a 60-90s flat? They seem to be the worst. It can’t be fully resolved. Move, if you can.

Sorry OP, I think you’re being unreasonable. If you move into a flat with poor noise insulation and upstairs neighbours, the noise is going to be a fact of life. They can’t be expected to tip toe around in their own home. It’s worth speaking to them and also checking the lease if you have one to see if it says anything about eg carpets but beyond that, there’s not much you can do but move. If noise is a problem, choose a top floor flat next time or a block/conversion with much better noise insulation.

If it’s so bad paint is chipping off the walls then you need to film this and send to the leaseholder. Either they are making unreasonable noise or your plastering needs looking at. I cannot fathom how this can happen otherwise.

Talking to them is one option, loud applause another, or tape it and play it back to them slightly unsynchronised.

Agree with the comment about carpets, moving should be the last option, it should be the noisy ones not you.

OP you say you can't wear earplugs because of the children but why not wear them at least some of the time for your own sanity until you can work out a move?

Try a better paint.

And some industrial ear defenders.

Whatever 'she' is having I want some.

The earth is certainly moving for them if your walls are shaking.

You must be so privileged you've never lived in a flat, but with wooden flooring with no sound proofing, even the vibrations of heavy footed walking can cause fixtures and fittings to shake and cracks in the ceiling plaster to appear. The flat below acts like an echo chamber.

OP I suggest as white noise machine, it's the only thing that's worked for me as I can't expect my upstairs neighbours to tiptoe around. Very annoying that yours don't put up with your minimal noise, seeing as you have to put up with the vibrations as well as the noise coming from them.

My was meant to contain a quote from a previous poster who seemed to be in disbelief that OPs flat would shake

Imagine what the other neighbours, if there are any are going through!
You've got one set trying to bring the building down and the other one with the sewing machine making a racket.
It must be like living in an earthquake.

You're using a sewing machine 11 hours a day when you know the sound proofing is shite?

Your thread title is wholly unreasonable.

Talk to them perhaps, but I wouldn't lead with you thinking they shouldn't have sex where they live.

Are you aware that many people don't get to chose?

Or even that they would have no idea until they're living there and then they can't just "move"?

I think they shouldn't have bare floors with no rugs or carpets.

I suffered below a BTL tenement flat with stripped floorboards for ten years.
Unless you've experienced it, the noise that can be produced by 'everyday activities' on stripped floorboards is indescribable, so I do sympathy. At times, I also had neighbours who thought nothing of moving the furniture or kicking a football around the apartment at 3am. That was fun.

Council would do nothing about it. In some parts of Scotland, I believe laminate or wooden floors are not allowed in HMO flats, but not in the area I was living.

I'd move. This is one battle you won't win. I moved in the end and now have no upstairs neighbours. Fucking bliss.

Why don’t you move ? It’s a flat , terrible insulation

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