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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think sex shouldn't be happening here

127 replies

Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 06:45

I live in the middle flat of a townhouse conversion. The people above me have either laminate or bare floorboards. I have so far put up with the stomping and hearing every drawer open and slam shut. I have put up with the obvious lack of privacy - absolute silence when I'm on the phone and then stomping off when I'm finished, moving when I move etc.

Lately it's got ridiculous imo. Last year summer they came in and had absolutely wild sex with windows open, I could hear every single thing (8pm). I thought it was a mistake, a drunken one night stand and they forgot that we live inside a drum. I snuck out of the room directly below an h

OP posts:
DNBU · 23/01/2023 08:05

ClockingTime · 23/01/2023 07:07

They're shagging so hard that your walls shake, doors rattle and paint chips off the ceiling?
Are you living in the crossroads set?

This made my morning!

Yerroblemom1923 · 23/01/2023 08:05

I don't understand why they're having noisy sex. Surely that's only in the porn world where women have to pretend to be enjoying it and supposedly prove to be having 50 orgasms in the space of 10 minutes?! Back in the real world most people don't scream and shriek.
If it's a squeaky bed noise maybe leave an oil can outside their door as a subtle hint.

Original poster
Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:07

And to add I've lived in 3 flats like this before, all had carpet upstairs and I wasn't at all bothered by noise. I thought it was common sense that upstairs conversions should have carpet. A lot of people think I'm bu though.

Those that think I'm bu, that includes hearing the thumping through headphones with music on? How would you deal with that? I can't wear earplugs because I have to be able to hear DC.

OP posts:
Original poster
Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:07

Yerroblemom1923 · 23/01/2023 08:05

I don't understand why they're having noisy sex. Surely that's only in the porn world where women have to pretend to be enjoying it and supposedly prove to be having 50 orgasms in the space of 10 minutes?! Back in the real world most people don't scream and shriek.
If it's a squeaky bed noise maybe leave an oil can outside their door as a subtle hint.

That's why I thought it was drunkenness/one off. Because of the theatrics.

OP posts:
OriginalUsername2 · 23/01/2023 08:09

If they rent you can complain to their letting agency and they’ll write to them about excess noise.

Original poster
Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:10

Devoutspoken · 23/01/2023 07:48

Is it the woman making most of the performance sex noises

Yeah but still both, it's gross.

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 23/01/2023 08:10

You ABU if you dont go and have a reasonable, calm chat with them in the first instance. They may not hear much from you, if at all, so don’t know how much of them you hear. Apart from the loud sex with windows open right enough!

Hadalifeonce · 23/01/2023 08:11

Check the terms of the lease, we had a flat, council was the free-holder, the only floors which didn't have to have carpets were the bathroom and kitchen.

Cocopogo · 23/01/2023 08:11

YABU there are three men in the flat, it’s not clear if they have gfs or sex with each other but either way it’s not just one person having lots of loud sex which you could perhaps mention to them but it’s three peoples sex lives so nothing you can do other than bring it up with landlord etc. I would stop the passive aggressive noises through ceiling.
As others have said, they won’t hear you but I bet downstairs do. Just like you haven’t mentioned hearing the doorstairs flat. I imagine sewing machine noises would get annoying too.

geekone · 23/01/2023 08:11

Yerroblemom1923 · 23/01/2023 08:05

I don't understand why they're having noisy sex. Surely that's only in the porn world where women have to pretend to be enjoying it and supposedly prove to be having 50 orgasms in the space of 10 minutes?! Back in the real world most people don't scream and shriek.
If it's a squeaky bed noise maybe leave an oil can outside their door as a subtle hint.

You are having the wrong kind of sex if only your bed squeaks.

OP YABU people are allowed to have sex in their own house and they probably are not listening to you at all. I doubt your walls shake but if they do I am jealous of your neighbours. Maybe it’s time to move.

DogInATent · 23/01/2023 08:15

Is there anything in the lease for the flats about hard floors/carpets?

Whataretheodds · 23/01/2023 08:15

Presumablythis is a leasehold property. Per PP I'd expect a clause about flooring/insulation.

Do you rent? Do they? Has the flat beeb converted/flooring changed since you moved in? Sounds like a conversation is needed with the resident/landlord/freeholder. Better insulation is needed so they can go about their daily life.

YABU to think they shouldn't be having sex/should be having sex silently, so don't mention that.

sendbobs · 23/01/2023 08:15

The activities and lifestyle you want are not compatible with your flooring choice. Grin

I'd be annoyed too but not sure how to make them stop. I'd be too embarrassed to confront them

piliomachaon · 23/01/2023 08:17

How would carpeted flooring stop you for hearing them having sex?

Original poster
Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:20

ClockingTime · 23/01/2023 07:07

They're shagging so hard that your walls shake, doors rattle and paint chips off the ceiling?
Are you living in the crossroads set?

No, it's every footstep doing that. Obviously worse when you're banging a bed around too. Underneath the bottom of their stairs is where the paint chips because the man jumps down them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:23

Cocopogo · 23/01/2023 08:11

YABU there are three men in the flat, it’s not clear if they have gfs or sex with each other but either way it’s not just one person having lots of loud sex which you could perhaps mention to them but it’s three peoples sex lives so nothing you can do other than bring it up with landlord etc. I would stop the passive aggressive noises through ceiling.
As others have said, they won’t hear you but I bet downstairs do. Just like you haven’t mentioned hearing the doorstairs flat. I imagine sewing machine noises would get annoying too.

I can hear downstairs but it doesn't bother me and she's told me we don't bother her 🙄

OP posts:
Sirzy · 23/01/2023 08:26

Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:23

I can hear downstairs but it doesn't bother me and she's told me we don't bother her 🙄

Show quote history

Are you sure this isn’t at least in part down to you not liking them/their lifestyle and so being more sensitive to their noise?

Original poster
Norestnosanity · 23/01/2023 08:27

Hadalifeonce · 23/01/2023 08:11

Check the terms of the lease, we had a flat, council was the free-holder, the only floors which didn't have to have carpets were the bathroom and kitchen.

If you don't mind me asking how did you get the council to pay attention. Council is freeholder here too.

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 23/01/2023 08:27

Do you own this flat? Is it rented? Are they rental tenants? How long have you lived there and has it always been like this? Some background info would be useful?

Roberta2020 · 23/01/2023 08:27

You are not being unreasonable, but the law is not on your side, and if I were you I'd move.

Bigbadfish · 23/01/2023 08:28

Why would sex be a mistake?
If they're a couple of course they're going to have sex..in all seasons.

The fact you unfortunately live in a shit building isn't going to stop that.

katepilar · 23/01/2023 08:31

I hear you OP, I live with the same. My new neighbours slam doors and drawers or whatever until up to 2 am. Its making me feel insane.
They dont "hear" you the same because they are not as sensitive to noise as you are. Its tough.

katepilar · 23/01/2023 08:33

piliomachaon · 23/01/2023 08:17

How would carpeted flooring stop you for hearing them having sex?

Things like carpet absorb some noise. Not just footsteps.

BunchHarman · 23/01/2023 08:34

ClockingTime · 23/01/2023 07:07

They're shagging so hard that your walls shake, doors rattle and paint chips off the ceiling?
Are you living in the crossroads set?

Bravo 😆

Reugny · 23/01/2023 08:36

OP posters are asking questions on ownership of the flats so they can give you more detailed advice.

I suggest you answer the questions so you get proper answers. As how you deal with the council and/or tenants depends on how each of you owns or rents your flat.