“Nice” London areas where parents do nothing but obsess about schools and house prices. Where can I escape this?

[Ohhiho]

I live in an area that has “come up” in the 15+ years I’ve been there. By “come up”, I mean become absurdly and stupidly expensive, and wealthy families (ones who have benefitted from the bank of mum and dad usually) have moved in.

People I had things in common with moved out, new people moved in, and now all my kids’ friends’ parents talk about when I’m standing around at the school gate or watching football lessons, is where their children will go to secondary school (Ie: where the parents are planning to move to because the local one has poor people that go to it - i’m guessing this is their problem because the results are fine) and house prices.

These people are obsessed. It’s really depressing.

I am probably being unreasonable. But it feels quite lonely not connecting with the people who I live among anymore. They’re rich people who went to private school themselves, but don’t want to pay for their kids if they can get away with it, pretend they’re liberal but move to get their kids into an outstanding state primary school and are now agitated that the secondary isn’t outstanding and planning to move next to an outstanding state secondary / tutor their kids to the extreme to get into a grammar that’s heavily oversubscribed / remortgage to get their kids into private school.

Am I the only one who has noticed this London obsession and is exhausted by it?!

I dream of taking myself and my kids (and my partner!) and finding a nice wholesome life somewhere, one without Roblox and pushy, exam-obsessed parents. AIBU?

*specifically!

I can confirm that middle class parents also obsess over school catchments in the North.

Less discussion of house prices in my city though.

I have been thinking about this thread for a couple of days as over the last week I have had loads of chats about schools with other mums!

I think mainly it is because my oldest is in Yr 6 and we are waiting to hear where he will be going to secondary so we've navigated those decisions already. Lots of questions on local v grammar v private. They are just really curious about how we made our decisions and any tips really

I’ve lived in Clapton for 12 years, so very close to Stokie, it’s very middle class, and if you can afford to own there then you are very lucky.
I can appreciate how stifling it is to be around there though, famous faces and lots of keeping up with the Jones’. I really began to despise paying nearly £4 for a coffee and £6.80 for a pint.
We moved to Higham Hill a while ago, it’s a very relaxed & quiet area, there are more ‘normal’ people, no singers and minor royalty. The homes are affordable, by London standard, the schools have a nice community feel, and my children have a much wider variety of friends.

When the kids were very little I accidentally sent them to nationally renowned nursery school.

I say accidentally because it was the nearest one to us and we didn't look into it at all.

But it very quickly became clear that the headteacher a big shout in early years education and the stuff she was doing was very well regarded and somewhat cutting edge.

Sometimes I would come across middle class parents looking for a very academicly effective nursery or a very child centred nursery and I would always recommend it to them. (Because it was both).

I would always feel a bit guilty doing this because I didn't want the place overrun by middle class parents, SureSart style, to the detriment of its immediate community.

I needn't have worried though because, none of them, not once, took up my recommendation.

Years later, I discovered something of a cheat code, involving creative placing requests, that got one of my kids into language immersion class of only 10 kids, right on our doorstep. There are a lot of local mums who could pull the same trick. And indeed, I've been very open about how I did it. Again they're not interested. Not on the radar.

It not really about education with these people. Its about a competitive dance, amongst themselves, for the two or three settings they'd heard each other talk about.

The thing is, people are really quite boring. Even me. I am so dull it is amazing anyone wants to talk to me.

Chances are that the only things you have in common are that you have children at school and live near each other. So that is what you talk about.

I grew up in Brighton. These days people there talk about schools and how difficult it is to find builders. And train strikes (if they commute).

I do read the Education boards on here sometimes and wonder what people who don’t live in north London think of them (although there are some very active threads for South West London going right now).

Looks like the parents of Bessemer can breathe easy (and I can stop looking over my shoulder in the Crooked Well)

I wonder who has volunteered to pay the fees for him?

www.theguardian.com/politics/2023/jan/29/boris-johnson-spotted-househunting-in-oxfordshire-henley-election

It’s so funny that Stokey is still like this!! 😂

It was like this 20 years ago when I lived there and I absolutely fucking hated it!
It put me off the supposedly desirable ‘villagey’ areas of London for life. So much absolute wankery.

I was a fairly young mother bringing up small children then and I remember sitting in toddler groups or cafes with other local Mums thinking ‘I am going to pour this fucking five pound Whole Foods chai latte over myself and scream if I have to talk about house prices or schools for one more minute!’

I just didn’t fit in. I realised I actually hate independent boutiques and farmers markets and reformer Pilates and people who talk about school places obsessively. I hated Church St. I hated all of it. And that was when Dalston and Clapton were still grimey and you could escape.There is no escape now 😆

We moved to a cheaper, probably on the face of it pretty shite Zone 4 area, but I can say all this time later I’m so glad we did. I made a really diverse group of ‘mum’ friends here who are aspirational for their kids, but not obsessive. We only ever talked about school places in the secondary application window, and I’m pleased to say we have never talked about house prices! It feels real, is the only way I can describe it. A lot less angst and snobbery.

I have read this with interest too, and also thought Stoke Newington at your description. It's an area that has changed beyond recognition on the surface, but still has a high crime rate. I have no idea why people pay what they do for it.

It's interesting to hear that Stoke Newington school is shunned by the local middle class. Are they really all dreaming of APS and Latymer?

I grew up in zone 5 and I feel this. I don’t know these people anymore.

people say things like “oh I found this darling little cafe” and I think you fucking idiot, it’s notorious for food poisoning. Or, wow! I never knew this park was even here! Yeah because you don’t fucking look around you, do you. Everything pisses me off.

See. I’m even doing it now.

Latymer. Renowned drug den.

Phew!!!

I have to laugh, I put a post up not long ago about how to find normal people to be friends with in London… meaning people who didn’t go to private school, send their kids to state schools, don’t live in a house bought by ‘mummy and daddy’ and have normal jobs/ lives and not super high paying ones. Well like you, I didn’t find the answers on mumsnet as I think the majority of mumsnetters are the demographic we are taking about. When you find this area, please let me know as I’m still hunting.

@LookinUp sounds like a dream area, I’m currently looking to buy somewhere and pray I find a similar neighborhood

Omg! I've just moved to the SN Area from waltham forest. I could have written your post. I bet our kids go to the same school with a name of a person. I stick out like a sore thumb with my Locs & nike air trainers & have overhead these exact conversations.
The parents avoid me like the plague. My Dad was born in the area in 1966 in Lavell Street in a upstairs room and my Windrush generation grandparents told me what it used to be like. They only managed to live there then as the Orthodox Jewish community Landlords where the only ones who didn't have no black no dogs no Irish in the window and accepted them. They moved to walthamstow in the 1980s. I've lived in Clapton when it was the murder mile days & even Clapton has changed massively. I moved to Walthamstow and have just come back to stokey and feel out of place but I just get on with it. I realised early on I wouldn't fit in as I'm more of a bagel shop rigley Road girl than I am whole foods and pret. Lots of people seem to be making the transition in the opposite direction back to walthamstow. It has its moments with the village but no where near as elitist as SN. I need a like minded friend as I dare not invite any kids round for playmates & feel like even more of a leper for living in Social housing.

I think it’s funny Stokey is still considered up and coming. It was considered up and coming when we didn’t buy a flat there nearly 30 years ago. What happened? Did it stall?

What about Stanwell near Ashford?

Nah its not up and coming anymore. It's come up. And up its own arse. With its bus gate and LTN's and high prices on the gated roads. If you don't ride a bike, have a dog you let poo everywhere & dress in a coat, own a home, spend 20 quid on a coffee and pastry, shop in Iceland and not whole foods your looked at like some uneducated chav who should move out. The cost of living crisis is invisible to these guys.

Move away from the expensive places.
I went from London - Kent - North East.

Here we dance, get high in whatever the preferred way is, talk about art, gigs, politics and about how rough it's getting everywhere 😂
My son is doing well in his local school - he is bright enough to make his way without me fussing. It's not really a topic here, everyone just goes to their local. The only school conversation was me bumping into a school teacher at the pub, where she told me that the school is "shit" and which parents are the worst. I appreciate that 😁