“Nice” London areas where parents do nothing but obsess about schools and house prices. Where can I escape this?

[Ohhiho]

I live in an area that has “come up” in the 15+ years I’ve been there. By “come up”, I mean become absurdly and stupidly expensive, and wealthy families (ones who have benefitted from the bank of mum and dad usually) have moved in.

People I had things in common with moved out, new people moved in, and now all my kids’ friends’ parents talk about when I’m standing around at the school gate or watching football lessons, is where their children will go to secondary school (Ie: where the parents are planning to move to because the local one has poor people that go to it - i’m guessing this is their problem because the results are fine) and house prices.

These people are obsessed. It’s really depressing.

I am probably being unreasonable. But it feels quite lonely not connecting with the people who I live among anymore. They’re rich people who went to private school themselves, but don’t want to pay for their kids if they can get away with it, pretend they’re liberal but move to get their kids into an outstanding state primary school and are now agitated that the secondary isn’t outstanding and planning to move next to an outstanding state secondary / tutor their kids to the extreme to get into a grammar that’s heavily oversubscribed / remortgage to get their kids into private school.

Am I the only one who has noticed this London obsession and is exhausted by it?!

I dream of taking myself and my kids (and my partner!) and finding a nice wholesome life somewhere, one without Roblox and pushy, exam-obsessed parents. AIBU?

Come south of the river! I'm in Penge and while there is a lot of discussion about secondary schools it does have some worth. The majority of secondaries here are single sex which isn't for everyone. That plus we are in need of a new secondary (which is in the process of being built)

If you go closer to Sydenham it's a lot more diverse.

I’m in Walthamstow, and I completely recognise what you are talking about .

I know it’s all about the APS now but then it’ll move on to somewhere else. It’s a cycle. Fortismere used to be a school to be shuddered at.
I just think you need to have a set of conversation cards to try and steer the conversation away from the usual. How is your pelvic floor holding up? Which is your favourite child, provide reasons. Where would you hide the body?

Well good luck op!!!!
Because this is precisely what it is like here too and we are hundreds of miles away from zone 2!

Someone will sniff and say do you actually want to live in a utopia where they DONT care about education and ‘fulfilment’?
I mean where would that look like exactly… trying not to suggest the horrors of Margate or similar, that type of conversation.

But honestly after 18 years I am totally sick of it, I want to scream you are average, your kids are average. It’s all very bloody average here. Ffs. Alas I keep quiet make my excuses and run away as politely and quickly as possible.

I guess if I was feeling magnanimous I would say they haven’t anything else in common?! But yes it is pitiful and I wish we could form a club for mothers that just don’t care about this crap.

😂😂😂 Same here. Birmingham.

Me too. They’ve gentrified the housing, done the attic conversion and the side return but they’ve got less control over who their kids mix with at school and it’s frightening the fuck out of them.

If you’ve been here all your life the hysteria is quite tiring, especially if on paper they look more successful than us because of mum and dad’s contributions/holiday homes/whatever.

I live up North and it's all people talk about 🤣🤣. It's not a London thing but a UK wide one.

Yep same here in Winchester.

I remember this chat when my dc were younger. It’s best just to avoid these people.

I hear you OP. Think it's partly a life stage thing, but definitely seems worse in some groups than others. I'm up north, my friends here only really about houses when moving house. Friends in London definitely seem to discuss house prices more.

At least everyone's stopped discussing COVID now!

How do you meet people? Maybe try a really specific hobby, so (a) people will talk about that instead, and (b) it might attract those with more eclectic interests in general.

Yup it seems to be a cultural issue rather than a London thing.

Every kid is a genius, every one of them will play at Wimbledon. Oxford is a dead cert and of course it isn't easy shopping in Waitrose all of the time what happened to the farmers market. Of course their house is a stepping stone until mother keels over. It is tiresome and you will need to go much further away to get away from it. And what if the place you go to is EVEN WORSE?

French mothers do not look like an easy plan B do they?? You will get the lectures there about actually eating some of the food you are cooking and binding post pregnancy really should have been suggested to you and clearly it wasn't.

I could tell exactly where you were talking about straight away.

I’ve also been here for ages and all of my friends have moved away.

Have made some new Mum friends and as far as I know, all of them will be sending their kids to the local secondary, and we never talk about house prices.

Come and hang out with us!

Yes, i have this too. Endless Complaining about the demographics. Said to me. Mother of children whose demographic they are clearly so concerned about. You couldn't make it up. I don't know the answer OP, but I get it.

Move to the North! (Of England, not of the river). Although we do have Roblox here. Also if your kids are in y5/6 there's no escaping the secondary school obsession no matter where you are, I'd imagine.

The people I know who talk about this a lot are the ones who are worried they'll never be able to afford a house big enough for their families or to give their children the lifestyle they had so are desperate to give them every opportunity they can give. The ones who managed to buy a house there before the prices went up feel way more secure so it occupies a whole load less of their head space. Count yourself lucky you don't need to worry about it and can instead sneer about those who do.

A lot of classist assumptions there OP. Not very wholesome.

You want to live somewhere with parents who aren't fussed about their kids' education?

The other thing that jumps out is that you are probably in a privileged position yourself - in zone 2, an expensive bit of London (because it all is), living in a desirable area before it became expensive, having paid less for your house than those around you. Taking the decent schools for granted and possibly not recognising that other have aspired to be where you are - in short you sound like you are lacking a bit of insight.

I think you’re right about this - I hadn’t thought about it like that before.

The more choices people have for their children's education, the more they talk about it. To avoid it you need to move somewhere either more rural where there are fewer schools, or less wealthy where people don't have as many options financially.

I live in one of the London areas suggested as an alternative to this but it is exactly the same.

You just have to ask people about other stuff. Juicy stuff like how they met their partner (if appropriate) or just if they have hobbies and stuff. Sometimes people think you're a bit weird for not discussing house prices/extensions/schools but those are the ones you don't want to talk to anyway right.

Oh god I have met the people obsessed with house prices. It is so boring.

But yes it is pitiful and I wish we could form a club for mothers that just don’t care about this crap.

I want that club!!

I’ll swap you your chats for mine - I happen to live in an area where despite there being no evidence to suggest it, every single child is a genius. They are all destined for greatness and it is extremely stressful for their parents. It seems unlikely that every single gifted child in the world has been shoehorned into a slightly crappy area of the North but there you go

We’re in SE London but people don’t generally talk about house prices

Schools yes in year 5 / 6 but it passes after that when you’re in

If I chat to people I want to have fun and interesting conversations. Why people think you are interested in the price of houses in their street, their new extension, I will never know.

Stoke Newington