“Nice” London areas where parents do nothing but obsess about schools and house prices. Where can I escape this?

[Ohhiho]

I live in an area that has “come up” in the 15+ years I’ve been there. By “come up”, I mean become absurdly and stupidly expensive, and wealthy families (ones who have benefitted from the bank of mum and dad usually) have moved in.

People I had things in common with moved out, new people moved in, and now all my kids’ friends’ parents talk about when I’m standing around at the school gate or watching football lessons, is where their children will go to secondary school (Ie: where the parents are planning to move to because the local one has poor people that go to it - i’m guessing this is their problem because the results are fine) and house prices.

These people are obsessed. It’s really depressing.

I am probably being unreasonable. But it feels quite lonely not connecting with the people who I live among anymore. They’re rich people who went to private school themselves, but don’t want to pay for their kids if they can get away with it, pretend they’re liberal but move to get their kids into an outstanding state primary school and are now agitated that the secondary isn’t outstanding and planning to move next to an outstanding state secondary / tutor their kids to the extreme to get into a grammar that’s heavily oversubscribed / remortgage to get their kids into private school.

Am I the only one who has noticed this London obsession and is exhausted by it?!

I dream of taking myself and my kids (and my partner!) and finding a nice wholesome life somewhere, one without Roblox and pushy, exam-obsessed parents. AIBU?

It was the same 15 years ago when I lived in London 😂

It’s like this everywhere

Move to Lewisham and your problems will be solved.

I live in London and have never discussed house prices with my friends.

Is it possible your friends go home and also moan about people discussing this stuff, but you’re all just talking about what you think the other person is interested in? Could you try something radical and…change the subject?

I live somewhere similar OP and it is horrible as hell! So many wealthy people overrunning a perfectly ordinary London post code. The huge cars, the endless house renovations where people demolish kitchens and bathrooms that have only been installed a few years. The non-stop extensions and endless building works and building noise. It seems it's impossible to live in a large natural terrace house without doing the side return, bi-fold doors and loft extension now! I really loathe it.

I would move to Crystal Palace or Penge in a heartbeat.

I live up North in a run down town we mostly talk about not being able to afford things and the latest crime, if you fancy a change in conversation give me a shout I’ll point out some areas for you.

I hear you OP, the area I lived in is now full of lawyers who pull their kids out of the local primary at 7 to go to prep school. Obviously they can do what they like but I preferred it before.

I thought Stokie was the school of choice for the liberal MC? Where are they moving TO? I hope not Muswell Hill, Fortismere isn’t what it used to be dear…

Not all parents in Stokey are like that.. it gets better at secondary as you don't have to be at school gate!

Come up the A10 to Tottenham. I suspect you'll find it like your area used to be.

They prefer APS these days, apparently. And, you know, cheaper houses they say…

I was going to suggest Tottingham too 😆

I have love for Stokey - I’ve been there a long time for a reason. I have love for it, that is, when I’m not talking to other parents (who I haven’t otherwise found a connection with) about house prices and schools!!

@Camdenish you’re right about Fortismere 😂

I’m in Walthamstow and it isn’t like that - we are zone 3. Guessing stokey as I met a (lovely) mate from there for lunch last week and she talked about schools for the whole thing.

Oh sorry, missed the update. It is stokey :)

Lindordoublechoc, surely 'huge cars' aren't much use in those sorts of gentrified areas, aren't they all low traffic areas now?

All the places you've named are down south, not UK wide.

I've lived in plenty of places up north where people aren't obsessed with house prices.

If this is what has you "exhausted" then you've lived an extremely sheltered life.

Stay for secondary. They'll move on.

Come to Highams Park/Chingford... there's a small minority who would probably sell an organ to get their kid into a particular school but the reality is that the vast majority of local schools are all doing well and most people are happy for their kids to go to their nearest.

Well Hackney off course
or Walthamstow?
or…
it’s been taken over, really

It's a phase though. An irritating phase, I'll grant you, but a phase.

I've been in a book group for nearly 15 years now (crikey, go us for lasting that long!) which is all women who met each other at various baby groups/school gates. When I first joined it was primary catchment, then secondary, now it's uni. My DS has ASN and my worries aren't their worries. So I let it wash over me and maybe skip a couple of meetings at critical times.

The key question for me is are they nice and do they have other things to talk about? If they do, I can cut them some slack. If not, then they're not real friends.

The other thing to consider is that once your kids go to secondary, wherever it is, the school gate chat stops.

I think possibly you haven't got past surface level conversations with people and you're still at the basics. The people you meet at the school gate are probably just as complicated and interesting as most others, you just don't know them.

The other thing that jumps out is that you are probably in a privileged position yourself - in zone 2, an expensive bit of London (because it all is), living in a desirable area before it became expensive, having paid less for your house than those around you. Taking the decent schools for granted and possibly not recognising that other have aspired to be where you are - in short you sound like you are lacking a bit of insight.

You need to look out for some like-minded people. See who goes quiet or looks bored in those conversations.

As an aside, and it’s Easy for me to say (no kids) but our country is heading for labour shortages. If your kid can walk and chew gum (s)he will find gainful employment. Unfortunately, a kind of competitive madness has taken hold in middle class parenting.