“Nice” London areas where parents do nothing but obsess about schools and house prices. Where can I escape this?

[Ohhiho]

I live in an area that has “come up” in the 15+ years I’ve been there. By “come up”, I mean become absurdly and stupidly expensive, and wealthy families (ones who have benefitted from the bank of mum and dad usually) have moved in.

People I had things in common with moved out, new people moved in, and now all my kids’ friends’ parents talk about when I’m standing around at the school gate or watching football lessons, is where their children will go to secondary school (Ie: where the parents are planning to move to because the local one has poor people that go to it - i’m guessing this is their problem because the results are fine) and house prices.

These people are obsessed. It’s really depressing.

I am probably being unreasonable. But it feels quite lonely not connecting with the people who I live among anymore. They’re rich people who went to private school themselves, but don’t want to pay for their kids if they can get away with it, pretend they’re liberal but move to get their kids into an outstanding state primary school and are now agitated that the secondary isn’t outstanding and planning to move next to an outstanding state secondary / tutor their kids to the extreme to get into a grammar that’s heavily oversubscribed / remortgage to get their kids into private school.

Am I the only one who has noticed this London obsession and is exhausted by it?!

I dream of taking myself and my kids (and my partner!) and finding a nice wholesome life somewhere, one without Roblox and pushy, exam-obsessed parents. AIBU?

You'll have to go slum it on a working class estate 🙄

I'm sure there are other like minded prices. Just continually change the subject until you find someone who bites.

Ooh sweetie, we've just brought a new house in cash for 3 million but I can't believe Persephone will have to be driven to school because the local one allows in POOR children with their poor diseases.

Oh lovely, well done. Did you see Masterchef at the weekend, that Paul Hollliwood is someone I wouldn't mind giving my batter a good mix!

You need to go somewhere rural enough where there's only one school to choose from at each level, cars are practical and house prices moderate. It's amazing. I grew up in SW1 and SW11 and never had any aspiration to stay.

Am I the only one who has noticed this London obsession and is exhausted by it?!

Nope!

I literally moved out of the area I was born & raised in (z2/3) because I was so sick of losing friends, dc's friends as they all have to leave for secondary or they chose private. DH & I are still friends with our school friends but it seems so much more transitory these days but maybe it's because the areas weren't gentrified then. I'm in outer London now & it's more "grounded".

Ha! We were in Zone 2, SE London, and it was exactly the same!!! It used to really get on my nerves. But then we became those people that move away for secondary as it turned out that many of the local kids that went to our local one really were feral (stabbings, taking drugs right outside the school etc) so I guess I'm being hypocritical!

What makes me laugh is all the crowing about loving the diversity of the area! Err the whatsapp neighbourhood watch was suspicious of any youth in a hoodie & the local deli that had been there for decades closed for posh deli that sold the same stuff for twice the price, of course its busier than ever!

I do think because so many people who are in these areas aren't from London in the first place they think sending their dc to a London secondary school is akin to a youth offender's institution.

they don’t like the local school because they’re scared of its demographic, not its results)

yes it's always this, its hypocrisy.

Cornwall? We don't do snobbish (not counting the second homers).

TBH I think in most parts of London people are anxious about house prices and schools because it’s a very sharp elbowed city with a lot of relatively ambitious people and a lot of people have a bit of a dog eat dog attitude to this.

In some areas of London you have to be proactive (to put it politely) about schools because failure to do so can mean the difference between a really good school and one where kids face a hostile environment on a daily basis trying to learn. It can be a very binary outcome. If you grow up somewhere more rural there’s less choice and people just don’t get as preoccupied because they have less control over it.

That said I think there are plenty of people in London who are ambitious for their own kids but are not arseholes and wouldn’t brag about school choices in a social setting. Or, God forbid, what their home is worth (which is really crass in my eyes).

My DD goes to private school because the schools where we live are extremely hit and miss and I have lost faith in the public education sector being able to meet kids’ needs. I realise that makes me lucky and privileged and I don’t spout off about it to people who can’t afford it. I keep my mouth shut and I wouldn’t dream of talking about this socially unless specifically asked. I would never in a million years get into a willy waving competition about house prices.

Basically there are people who are normal and understand that everyone has to make choices according to their children’s needs, aptitude and their budget and there are arseholes who regard it as a bragging chip. The trick is to avoid people in the latter category. London is a big, competitive and ambitious place but there are plenty of nice people here.

Complaining about the demographics. Said to me. Mother of children whose demographic they are clearly so concerned about

sorry but this made me laugh 😆

For those of us who live up north, Norfolk is most definitely viewed as being down south! South East, sure, but it's in the south of both England and the UK.

Oh and neither Birmingham or Stoke are North either!

Honestly it’s like this all over especially Year 4/5/6 although lessens after Jan in Year 6 cos everyone has been offered either their Private School place & now waiting on Grammars. I’ll say to you these people are well off but not super rich cos otherwise they’d just be sending them private.

I’m fairly middle class and my kids go to a very middle class school, but never have I encountered people standing at the school gates or at birthday parties talking about house prices 😂 what do they actually say??? “My house cost this much” “well mine cost more”

I was at a party last month & got into a conversation with a dad I don't know. I mentioned we were moving & he started telling me he paid 900k for the house, has 100k for renovations but is very worried about interest rate rises & terrified if they have to move for secondary that they will be in negative equity.

A conversation last week was with a mum that saw me at the musical concert. Was I prepping dd for a musical place as they didn't know dd was learning the violin? was I have lessons outside school? etc?

I didn't know this was a thing, dd was interesting in playing so I signed her up. She's not very good so it's all a big no 😆

so much secrecy around tutors too!

😂this right here

TBH I think in most parts of London people are anxious about house prices and schools because it’s a very sharp elbowed city with a lot of relatively ambitious people and a lot of people have a bit of a dog eat dog attitude to this.

It didn't used to be like this though. My parents bought where they did because it was affordable & neighbours, school friends parents were doctors, nurses, teachers etc now you have to be a banker, lawyer or tech geek to afford it.

I'm intrigued, house prices have gone down the last four months and thr outlook isnt looking that good. Do these people not know that? They are going to struggle to brag about their asset soon if its value is going down (and quire sharply looking at the stats).

Have any of them had huge renovations recently to 'add value' and over leveraged themselves with large loans to do this because 'house prices only ever go up'. I would stick around for a while OP 🍿

Paq- no private schools in Cornwall then?

one of the reasons I got sick of London tbh!

Come to Wales nobody is like that here, no "Keeping up with the Joneses" no "What do you do?"

It's exam season at the moment, there are plenty of threads on here about entrance exams. London private schools are fiercely competitive, and a lot of parents are obsessed by it right now.
I would love further out from London to an area with good state schools.

@BigMandysBookClub the vast majority of the ones I know have bank of mum & dad to assist. I have so many convos where someone has said they have to leave London for more space, or don't think private is an option etc then the next week it's fine cause they have a 100k gift from the parents. Or then get on the ladder so early they have a ton of equity.

There's a book about this, may contain nuts by John o Farrell I think.
I was an NQT in a similar sounding area and one of the older teachers gave me it to read.

@renonovice

It didn't used to be like this though. My parents bought where they did because it was affordable & neighbours, school friends parents were doctors, nurses, teachers etc now you have to be a banker, lawyer or tech geek to afford it.

Yep. That’s the property boom for you. It’s largely unaffordable for people who do normal jobs on average salaries. And the shit thing is it more or less forces you to either play the game or completely opt out and if you do the latter it’s to your kid’s disadvantage.

London is particularly bad but tbh most affluent towns in the South East are like to some extent. I have friends in Brighton, St Albans, Oxford, Canterbury and it’s very similar (albeit on a smaller scale).

But if your work, school and family are all here it’s not that simple to just opt out.

Very true