Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

you cant donate meat to a food bank
can't you just say there is no room in the freezer,

Exactly.

why doesn’t mil give it to someone who might need it.
Buy extra to put in the Foodbank box at the supermarket.

The person who is wasting money and food is MIL

I would never eat a chicken thigh whether it came from Asda or Waitrose or the meat counter in Harrods

Either announce you are now a vegan household then at least you might get a load of vegetables or dump it in mil’s bin on the way to the car.

This is what i like about mn. I have sons. I'd happily take them a bag of food every week if i could. But reading this makes me realise how ridiculous it would be after a certain age. So i wouldn't do it.
I can't understand MIL's out there who have been told this isn't wanted and still insist on doing it.
The only thing for it is to be blunt and say stop it, we don't need it.

And so what if others do, the op doesn't so she shouldn't feel guilty for not wanting her MIL's shit.

Absolutely, but the OP hasn’t asked for nor does she need it. The MIL should be focusing her efforts to giving to those in need of she really wants to give food away, how is it the OP’s fault?

This!

It sounds like she's trying to be kind and you've been a bit awful about it tbh. Stop fighting with her and just leave it to her and her son. He can decide what to do with the chicken thighs.

She's doing this in an odd (and slightly controlling) way to show love, hence her being a bit miffed by your lack of appreciation.
For the sake of harmony, take the food. Donate all the dry goods and non perishables that you won't use to a food bank.
I wouldn't eat cheap processed meat when pregnant if I had the choice either. Unless you have friends with teens and hollow legs who will happily eat these, just bin them. Yes, it's wasteful but don't feel obliged to eat it just because it's there.

@dolor

whAts your point?

her mil should donate to a food bank

not OP’s fault

Mmm I wouldn't be able to stomach that sort of low quality meat at the best of times, definitely not when pregnant.

It's one for your husband to handle, not you. You don't need the hassle or aggro while pregnant.

I think it's her misguided way of showing she cares. You're going to have to suck it up and be gracious.

Asda essentials is red tractor, British assured welfare chicken. It doesn’t always translate that ££= higher welfare. Sainsburys for example have a shit track record for stocking foreign and lower welfare meat which doesn’t conform to red tractor British standards and they still charge significantly more for it, FYI.

@daisymade

You're right. Expensive doesn't always mean good animal welfare. But cheap undoubtedly does mean poor animal welfare.
And red tractor is a joke.

Also, for anyone thinking the OP is being ungrateful or ‘unkind’ for not wanting food she didn’t ask for just because other people might be glad of it, do you not think it might be better to leave the budget food resources in the shops for people who do want them? Rather than buying them up and giving them to people who don’t?

Did he ask for food?

Or did you just give it him?

@ClockingTime

how so?

she hasn’t asked for the meat, she doesn’t need it

she doesn’t need to be grateful

“unfortunately it goes to waste”! This is the real shame of it. The fact you can’t use it because it’s not to your taste is the issue (despite you trying to shame her for purchasing ‘cheap meat’)!

I get that you don’t want it. My MIL does the same, always buys us stuff, but it makes her feel good, like she’s still a mum and still has that role. I don’t begrudge her or shame her for that. It’s wonderful to have someone in our lives that cares enough to think of us.

Id suggest 2 things… try and see it as an act of kindness rather than taking offence. And if MIL won’t stop, then gently suggest things that could be useful ‘DP and I have really struggled to find dried apricots for our Lamb Tagine this week, could you pick some up if you see them’. She feels useful and you get stuff you could actually use! This works for me… I got some lovely beef short ribs from Waitrose this week 😂😂😂🤤

And have you considered that maybe she is buying Asda Essentials because that's all she can afford herself?

If people use the app olio near you, downloaded it and put the free food on there. You’ll be helping someone out that way

So she should keep it herself.

some people are just OBSESSED with meat op

they have to eat it every day, to them a meal is not a meal without it, they would rather buy shitty quality meat with no regard for animal
welfare than just eat it less often.

maybe your mother in law is one of those people

pay her no heed

YADNBU

Who needs a ‘fun challenge’ when they already have enough food to eat, are pregnant, working, and don’t have any storage space for a load of excess food?

Then Donate it and buy your own food. You don’t have to eat it because she’s got it and it’s coming from a place of kindness, you sound quite ungrateful and rude to be honest

@MeinKraft

so ?

she could save her cash even more if she just stopped buying it seeing as op neither wants nor needs it

Then she should save her money and not buy food that they don’t need, have no space to store and will probably go to waste.

Donate it where? I have never come across a food bank that takes fresh meat.

Supermarket food bank donation boxes are for dry ambient food in date, in its original packaging not fresh food with no label that needs to be refrigerated!!!