Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

I really agree with this. I see people suggesting it is not difficult to throw it in the bin, but it really would be for me. I would be stressed out about that.

If you have time and it’s convenient perhaps a soup kitchen would be better to donate to as they will use perishable items.

try not to see it as a personal
issue as it sounds like this has been going on before your relationship.

I would throw meat near the sell/use by date without even thinking about it. I'm not sure Olio accepts raw meat thinking about it. Plus Olio people who collect the supermarket food late in the day often have to ditch it as it's out of date, and not all food is picked up. Olio is great if you are in a busy area, less so if you are a long way from someone, and have to take your three small kids out at 9 at night to get stuff (a lot only goes on later). Not all Olio food is taken up every day so I wouldn't even feel bad for ditching dodgy or meat I didn't want, sorry.

I would be irritated. Ex MIL used to do stuff like this and it was kindly meant but I took it to mean that she thought I was incapable and it irked me every time. Interestingly now I'm separated from ex she still visits to see the DC but I don't care what she brings. Sometimes I tell her I don't want it, sometimes I take it gratefully. It no longer has any meaning or perceived agenda.

bless you, you sound a lovely mom and mother in law to your sons girlfriend.

As foodbanks can't take perishables, do you have a dog you could feed the chicken and sausage to? The price of pet food now, it'd be a great help

Can you specify no frozen food because your freezer is full or not working and then take it to a local food bank? If she starts to add nappies etc you could take those too, these are essential items, please don’t throw anything away. She probably has good intentions, though I can see how it might come across as a little patronising!

I know it's already been said but I think YABU with "we're pregnant". I expect I'm being an unreasonable perimenopausal nightmare but it always feels to me like a minimisation of an exclusively female experience. Pregnancy and labour are not an equal opportunities event. They risk the mother's health and change her body. Of course it's nice for an expectant father to be involved and supportive but imo "we're pregnant" is bullshit. Re the mil she sounds like she's just trying to help.

^This ^

You’re not being ungrateful at all, you’re concerned about the waste. I would also be annoyed at this, my MIL wont stop buying endless quantities of crap for the kids which all just ends up as broken single use plastic on landfill. I would much rather she saved her money and swapped the “stuff” for gestures.

I'm older than you.

And I profoundly disagree with you. The MiL isn't being kind and she is causing stress. It matters right now,

My MIL used to buy dry goods for my husband which I found odd.

As nurse specialist who bought chicken thighs today and is wearing woollly hat indoors I might suggest you reign in your judgement of gifts.

PLEASE RTFT

THE OP SAID THAT THE FOODBANK DOESN'T TAKE PERISHABLE FOOD SO STOP TELLING HER TO TAKE IT TO A FOODBANK

My MiL is very similar. Just nod and thank her then hive to a charity collecting for homeless or those in need. Thats what i do. It saves hurting her.
She does it because she is caring not to be annoying 🙄

Accept the food with a thank you, and use or don't use. She thinks she's helping and she really isn't hurting anyone. You've already told her to stop and she hasn't. Maybe one more conversation then just let it go.

I would smile gratefully, say “thank you” then immediately put it on Facebook marketplace or gumtree as a freebie. Someone will want it even if you don’t.

I think it’s really kind of her to be honest.

@azlazee1 , @RaaRaa49 , @bonzaitree , but that's wasteful, and as others have posted, the longer it goes on, the more hurt she will be when she finds out.
I hate giving someone a gift and being thanked for it if it wasn't suitable. Much better if they say 'Thank you but I don't drink alcohol/eat chocolate/fit a size 10/wear polyester' or whatever. If they thank me and say the gift is lovely, I'd think I'd get them something similar again.

Giving it away involves work. You have to either take it to be donated, or arrange collection.

it makes her happy to give you food so just suggest, cupboard essentials please no meat as we are trying to be healthy for the baby. Fresh stuff means it needs doing today so just dried and tinned please. Get DH to suggest, Everyone happy

I assume you are just trolling
she doesn’t need the food- she’d be happy for mil to give to a food bank I assume

It's v strange behavior, I'd ask your partner to ask her to stop please

Smile, thank her and donate to a food bank. You may have many years of her yet. Getting peed off about this just isn't worth it.

Oh for the love of God!!!

RTFT!!

Or at least a couple of bloody posts above!

Nanny0gg - what does RTFT mean?

She is doing it from a place of kindness. Accept it with thanks and what you don’t want take to the food bank.

For the love of everything, please let this thread die now! 649 replies, 600 of them "just give it to a food bank". Ffs.