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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

820 replies

Christmasbeach · 22/01/2023 09:21

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

OP posts:
orchid220 · 22/01/2023 19:14

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 19:12

oh diddums, cook it and give it the dog or cat, if they have one end of this huge problem.

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Maybe they haven't got a dog or cat. It is just a waste of food.

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 19:15

Maltybiscuit · 22/01/2023 19:13

'we are pregnant ' 🙄

I know😂I hate when people say this.

BankOfDave · 22/01/2023 19:16

I get that it’s things you might not choose yourself. To give the other perspective my Mum (late 70’s) is a feeder. It’s because she was a war baby and there wasn’t much food around either to buy or money for. She can’t get out of the habit of always having full cupboards/freezer even though they have a comfortable life. I earn way more than my parents and she’ll still give me stuff when I visit.

I don’t think your MIL means any malice and if anything is trying to be nice - in her way. It might not be your way but I wouldn’t be ‘miffed’.

RampantIvy · 22/01/2023 19:17

You still aren't getting it @RachyAnn34, are you?

Luckily I had the kind of MIL that I could say "thank you, this isn't quite what we wanted, would you mind not buying it again" and she listened to us.

The OP MIL is not listening to her and is wasting her money buying food the OP doesn't want. What is there not to understand?

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 22/01/2023 19:21

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 17:55

My mom does the same, today I have come home with butter, strawberries, nectarines and KitKats 😋

So not expired/on point of expiry potentially dodgy food which you dislike, followed by haranguing demands to ensure that you cooked and ate it within her timetable.

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2023 19:21

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 17:44

I don't usually post on here but usually just read the posts but i felt the need to reply to this one.
you sound really ungrateful and unappreciative. How lovely of your mother in law to think of you both only for you to take it for granted.
Your husband and his brother may have grown up but to their mother thry are still her children, she must feel like she is helping out by doing this and it is really thoughtful.
I get that financially you don't need it but to be so ungrateful as you are and not see the thought behind it is really rather rude.
My mother also does this, even though I don't need her to I am thankful she thinks of me to do this and it does help.
I am sure there are lots of people who wish they had this kind of help but have none.

You really ought to read the thread.

Just because it helps you it does NOT mean it helps the OP.

Ladysodor · 22/01/2023 19:24

I’ll be 60 this year, my MIL died last year at the age of 87. When I look back at the stupid like quibbles I had with her over the years it seems so stupid. I promise you you will look back on this in years to come and it won’t matter. Let it go.

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2023 19:25

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 18:52

Abuse doesn't amuse me, disgusting that you compare buying someone shopping to rape.

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She wasn't comparing it to rape!!

How are your comprehension skills these days?

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 19:27

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2023 19:21

You really ought to read the thread.

Just because it helps you it does NOT mean it helps the OP.

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it may not help the op my point was the mother in law bringing food I think more than likely stems from good intentions on her part.
People don't always have an ulterior motive, if the op or her partner do not want it and have explained this DON'T ACCEPT IT, simple as, surely as they are grown ups they can manage that.

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2023 19:28

I know people reference their own lives in these kinds of threads but I do wish they'd sometimes remember that the OP is living their own lives and they're not the same!

TheShellBeach · 22/01/2023 19:30

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 19:27

it may not help the op my point was the mother in law bringing food I think more than likely stems from good intentions on her part.
People don't always have an ulterior motive, if the op or her partner do not want it and have explained this DON'T ACCEPT IT, simple as, surely as they are grown ups they can manage that.

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I have learned something from this thread.
People like this MIL do things like this as a form of control, not to be kind.

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 19:30

Ladysodor · 22/01/2023 19:24

I’ll be 60 this year, my MIL died last year at the age of 87. When I look back at the stupid like quibbles I had with her over the years it seems so stupid. I promise you you will look back on this in years to come and it won’t matter. Let it go.

Exactly, such a shame.

dontleaveitthere · 22/01/2023 19:32

@RachyAnn34 how can it be from good intentions to bring meat when she knows the op doesn't eat much meat. And in fact has made 'digs' at the op for choosing vegetarian options

If it was well intended she would buy things she thought the op liked. Not knew that she hated

Oh and of course we do keep coming back to the whole she's said no thing. That seems to pass you by.

How you think it's a kind thing to keep ignoring someone's wishes I don't know.

dontleaveitthere · 22/01/2023 19:33

Ladysodor · 22/01/2023 19:24

I’ll be 60 this year, my MIL died last year at the age of 87. When I look back at the stupid like quibbles I had with her over the years it seems so stupid. I promise you you will look back on this in years to come and it won’t matter. Let it go.

You like being ignored and having your boundaries trampled over?

Well that's a shame.

I'm surprised the 'my mum died in childbirth you should be grateful you have something at all brigade arent here yet.

C8H10N4O2 · 22/01/2023 20:04

Nanny0gg · 22/01/2023 19:25

She wasn't comparing it to rape!!

How are your comprehension skills these days?

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On the basis that they seem to have NC'd or joined just to comment on this thread perhaps its the MiL Gin

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 22/01/2023 20:07

“We’re pregnant” 🙄 are you and your DH conjoined twins? If not, YOU are pregnant. And your MIL sounds sweet

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 20:12

C8H10N4O2 · 22/01/2023 20:04

On the basis that they seem to have NC'd or joined just to comment on this thread perhaps its the MiL Gin

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No sorry to disappoint im not the mother in law and someone can comment on a post and not be a regular poster.

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 20:14

RachyAnn34 · 22/01/2023 20:12

No sorry to disappoint im not the mother in law and someone can comment on a post and not be a regular poster.

Show quote history

I have a life so don't spend my days constantly on here. your not very nice people you have shown yourselves to be

IloveRioja · 22/01/2023 20:17

Having read and chuckled at the entire thread I can confirm the only person here with a dot of sanity is @RachyAnn34 . The rest of you essentially saying being offered a few frozen bits of chicken is abuse and applying bigger meanings to all of it need serious help and to get out more in the real world lmao. Do you say things like abuse apologist when you're given bad customer service or the wrong drink in Costa? Where does the madness end? What happens when you have real problems in life? I have so many questions. Also Op I know you're the issue as you said we are pregnant and now I feel sick and hopefully so do the rest of the posters trying to find ways to suppress their hunger in a cost of living crisis as we aren't all fortunate enough to be given free food shopping, so thank you.

C8H10N4O2 · 22/01/2023 20:26

IloveRioja · 22/01/2023 20:17

Having read and chuckled at the entire thread I can confirm the only person here with a dot of sanity is @RachyAnn34 . The rest of you essentially saying being offered a few frozen bits of chicken is abuse and applying bigger meanings to all of it need serious help and to get out more in the real world lmao. Do you say things like abuse apologist when you're given bad customer service or the wrong drink in Costa? Where does the madness end? What happens when you have real problems in life? I have so many questions. Also Op I know you're the issue as you said we are pregnant and now I feel sick and hopefully so do the rest of the posters trying to find ways to suppress their hunger in a cost of living crisis as we aren't all fortunate enough to be given free food shopping, so thank you.

Another new poster just for this thread!

IloveRioja · 22/01/2023 20:27

C8H10N4O2 · 22/01/2023 20:26

Another new poster just for this thread!

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I lurk but this one was special. I honestly thought it was a troll to begin with.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/01/2023 20:37

dolor · 22/01/2023 09:23

Do you have any idea how many people would be grateful for that food right now?

Exactly, so MIL would be better buying stuff for a food bank if she wants to do good instead of foisting it on people who can't or don't want to use it

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 22/01/2023 20:41

Imagine a thread about unwanted cheap chicken being the thread that makes one think 'I can lurk no longer! I must make my feelings known'.

IloveRioja · 22/01/2023 20:54

StrychnineInTheSandwiches · 22/01/2023 20:41

Imagine a thread about unwanted cheap chicken being the thread that makes one think 'I can lurk no longer! I must make my feelings known'.

HAHAHAHAHAHA I know, it was mainly the absolutely ridiculous responses. Imagine thinking it was that deep😂

Arewethebadguys · 22/01/2023 21:11

Your MIL buys you food?! That bitch. NC immediately

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