Slightly miffed at In-Laws buying us food.

[Christmasbeach]

MIL has always bought DP and his brother food since they both moved out. BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat) but DP still accepts the occasional bag when she's insistent. DP does try to reject these bags but sometimes she'll sneak them into his back seat etc.

I joke with DP that she's playing ready steady cook with us as it's always bizarre items that she's found a good deal on. Usually it's a bag of biscuits/cakes/bread/microwavable rice/crisps with the occasional newly released burgers/seasoned meat. I've always found it slightly bizarre that two men in their thirties are treated like uni students but i've heard that other mums do the same. A lot of the bag of food is cupboard things that DP usually just takes to work for a free home if he's not interested in and if we're given meat he'll have it for lunch.

Now the bit i'm feeling a bit miffed at, if not slightly offended, is that since we've announced that we're pregnant she's been sending food for us both. By that we've received a lot more meat/things for meals but it's all asda essentials. Asda essential sausages, chicken thighs (the original packaging was damaged therefore she put them in a freezer bag for us), wafer ham, ready made mash potato etc.

She quite often makes digs that i'm too much of a health freak (because i've ordered pasta/vegetarian meals out) and 'she ate everything while pregnant'. She knows that I do care what goes into my body, I'm not a huge meat eater and I enjoy cooking. We really do not need hand outs as we're both on good salaries and buying us all this Asda Essentials has only came about after we've announced we're pregnant.

It's also very inconvenient too as we meal plan/do the weekly shop therefore we're either left eating a meal we don't particularly want to eat or unfortunately it goes to waste. I have tried being polite to MIL that either we don't have room in our fridge/freezer or we're not going straight home/there isn't any need as we do our own shops.

MIL has now made a comment to DP that i'm not appreciative. AIBU that as a pregnant professional I'm not exactly jumping for joy at the lowest end chicken thighs in a non labelled freezer bag that needed to be eaten that day?

I agree, she is trying to do a nice thing only to be badmouthed online about it.
I too would be upset, you are also doing a kind thing only I'm sure your family realise this and aren't ungrateful bleeps.

Fuck me this must be a joke Op

I’d have to be rude if she wasn’t getting the hint. Tell her or your DH to tell her you don’t want or need the food and to please stop as it’s wasteful! She should donate to a food bank. I’m funny about meat too and if pregnant would end up putting it straight in the bin!

@RachyAnn34 , forcing food on someone isn't kind. Passive-aggressive comments about food isn't being nice.

If she won’t let you reject it
1)leave it on her doorstep
2)throw it in her wheelie bin
3)throw it in your wheelie bin
who cares what she or other people think
tell her u don’t want the cheap food

Maybe say that you've gone off meat while pregnant and can't stand to cook the stuff, happened to me. 🤢

ha ha ha I'm literally crying, how did you come to that? We are talking about a mother in law buyinh food and you are comparing it to that. So you think I think a woman can't say no, how twisted is that comment?

@RachyAnn34 so glad abuse amuses you

You don't get it do you @RachyAnn34? The OP has said no thank you to the MIL many times and the MIL is ignoring her.

I sometimes buy food for DD. She comes with me to the supermarket. She selects the food she wants, and I pay for it. She is vegetarian and wouldn't thank me for any kind of meat products.

She is not harming you in any way. Donate the food to a homeless shelter or continue to have your husband take it to work. It costs nothing for you to be gracious.

Bit snobby of you to judge her by counting up the cost of the food and rejecting what you think is below you, but that’s your prerogative, that’s what money does to some people.

read the posters post, . BIL stopped MIL years ago (apart from when she offers him steak/high end meat)
high end meat is high quality, she said herself he accepts that.
Yes I am British and I understand essential is basic but I didn't say otherwise did I?

@RachyAnn34 there's nothing kind about persisting to give people stuff they don't want, when they've told you (politely) they don't want it.

Do you also not think it odd that MIL has previously made negative comments about OP's food choices (vegetarian/healthy), and now OP pregnant, MIL is adding cheap processed meat to these food bags?

Abuse doesn't amuse me, disgusting that you compare buying someone shopping to rape.

@RachyAnn34 JFC comparing this to rape...now that's a stretch?? Talk about black and white thinking!! So abuse can only be one form? It doesn't matter there were good intentions. If someone says stop, you stop!!

@RachyAnn34 it's disgusting you're an abuse apologist.

She said no. No means no right?

You're arguing otherwise.

I didn't say rape. I said abuse. And this is abuse

Hope that helps.

I do think she's doing it for a reason other than to be kind. If she was being kind she would only give food that she knows people like rather than food they have said they don't want. She might also give money/vouchers so they can buy their own food.
She didn't give OP food before she was pregnant and the fact she does now makes me think she sees OP as the incubator of her grandchild and wants to have some control over what food the grandchild receives while in the womb. She will probably try to influence what food the grandchild receives once they are born as well, just as she does with her children. That isn't being kind. It is being controlling.

arrr yes that's cleared it up thank you.

@RachyAnn34 some very simple minded people out there who don't seem to understand what 'no' means...

Must be hard

@RachyAnn34 glad you agree... finally

oh of course, I've saw the light, I really think the op should cut the mother in law out of her life completely.
who needs that abuse in their life?
the high-end steaks are welcome but the abuse really starts when Asda chicken is brought round instead, I mean no means no, no more asda chicken I said no.

Read the post yourself. Regardless of what the brother-in-law gets, she is giving OP and her DH low quality meat which she doesn’t want and why should she?

@RachyAnn34 fascinating insight into your mind there

But yes if the op and her husband can't get the mil to respect their wishes I would consider going low contact.

You're quite fixated on the meat. Hope you get that sorted

oh diddums, cook it and give it the dog or cat, if they have one end of this huge problem.

'we are pregnant ' 🙄