To think I need to work in a different school - ethnicity and culture related

[Melte]

I've taught in my current school for six years, and the demographics have changed a little, but not significantly from what I've always known.

I've always been in the minority to around 85% (2016) - around 95% (today) of pupils of a different ethnicity and religion, despite the school not being of any religious denomination.

In the last 12 months or so, I haven't had any chance of successfully managing the behaviour of the older boys. They will listen to and show respect to male teachers of of their own culture, male teachers of my culture, female teachers of their own culture and then women like me, in that order.

I'm repeatedly called derogatory names, when I'm not routinely being referred to as 'man', tutted at, laughed at, talked over and ignored. They'll bang on my classroom window or throw the door open when passing. They deliberately interrupt or misinterpret things I say, feigning sincerity. They make veiled suggestive comments. They get too close, take items aggressively, imply they will touch me, and on occasion outright threaten criminal behaviour.

I've tried and persisted with every behaviour for learning strategy I know and made sure my lessons are the best they can be, but I can't get through to them. I feel unsafe and unable to do my job for the others in this one class.

I spoke to a father on the phone this week who initially didn't believe his son would be disrespectful, before admitting that he does behave this way towards his mother, and I've watched one since September in a restorative meeting with his Head of Year try to assault his mother in anger.

I feel guilty for thinking in these terms, but I can't change the culture and attitude myself. I'm conflicted, as this only seems to be an issue with a year group who reinforce each others' behaviour and are ones whose behaviour was poor when they were younger, and this is their first full year back in school since lockdown.

AIBU to think I need to work in a school where I look like the pupils?

I worked in a school like this (East London) and my experience was very different to yours, possibly because the headteacher was a woman, and SLT mixed.

There were three non-Muslim teachers in our dept, I was one of them, and it never felt alienating. We went out for coffee and cake, meals out, shisha. We laughed a LOT, all felt safe taking the piss out of each other too.

Very occasionally I would encounter an older boy who would try to undermine me, but I was able to put him in his place pretty quickly, reminding him that I was there to do a job and that job was to help him, so he would be very silly to put himself in a position to deny himself that help.

I always found Year 9 girls infinitely more terrifying than Year 11 boys!

You are the problem. You're sensitised to the differences. If anything you should change jobs because you are probably teaching in a bias way that you're not cognisant of.

When kids are literally saying to your face "I don't have to listen to you because you're a woman" or "Unmarried women are (insert native word for worthless bitch here)" or "You're not [my religion] so I don't have to listen to you", which have all happened to me, and I am considered a very strong teacher, that bias is definitely not coming from the teacher, but the children who have grown up with that attitude in mind.

I agree, but you have to also hold in your mind that they are children and their brains aren't fully developed. I had a (white female) student that used to shout 'Shit teacher!' at me, for a whole term. I had to breathe and remember that she was 15, from a chaotic background and her brain was a mess of hormones and trauma.

She got the best of me every lesson despite the abuse. By the end of the year she was saying 'Hi Miss!' when she came into class.

Not RTFT but the OP doesn't mention muslim boys. I live in a multicultural area and misogyny doesn't appear to be confined to race, religion, sex or skin colour.
It is usually excused by 'It's their culture'.

Yes, those examples exist, but that's not what the OP is talking about. She is talking about an inherent culture across a whole group of students, not just individuals.

And even in my school with highly misogynist and openly racist students there were a small handful who were the sweetest, politest young men you could imagine.

It was, however, the bigger picture with so many students for whom I was trash by the simple fact of being white, non-Muslim, with child and unmarried as a woman that stuck and was more than just a few isolated individuals. It was an inherent culture.

That doesn't just happen with Muslims, by the way. I spent some time in Japan, where a very similar hierarchy applied and where, as an unmarried, young woman, I had far less say than my male, older or married counterparts.

Sorry OP. I think you need to leave and be very clear with your Head with your reasons

I assume you work in an urban area?

I don't think this is a rare event.

We have a bunch of South Asian boys in yr7 at the moment. The writing is already on the wall that they are only going to get worse than they currently are.
The disrespect they show towards female members of staff is staggering and in equal measures depressing.
They appear to be treated like little prince's when at home and expect the same in school.

The OP is very clear in her breadcrumbing. It would be utterly disingenuous to suggest that this is about any other demographic group with all the detail she has given.

@NeverDropYourMooncup , OP has only made 3 posts on this thread and hasn't mentioned the actual religion or culture, so where are your breadcrumbs?

The funny thing is, the posts in the Relationship section of Mumsnet show that the men from “our culture” do not respect women either.

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses and experiences shared. I can see that I'm not overreacting and perhaps should leave.

I haven't posted about this before without making a change, but it has been going on for some time. Part of me doesn't want to move on as this hasn't been a problem for the duration of my time here and I've taught hundreds of children here, of mixed cultures, and of course including some poor attitudes, who've ultimately succeeded by Y11. This is a career I've worked hard in and it feels like defeat to walk away because of bullying behaviour.

I didn't want to share too many specifics, so as not to be recognisable, not to give breadcrumbs.
I'm not talking about an individual or a few kids, there are at least 18 different boys in one KS4 class I teach who have this mob mentality, and their friends in other groups behave in the same ways when encountered around school.

I absolutely can teach children belonging to the majority culture of the school, as evidenced by the other classes I teach for 80% of the time, including the eldest in school taking their GCSEs. I've been called clumsy (at best) for comments about what people look like, but I very deliberately meant that I might stand a chance of THEM respecting ME if I shared and was a part of their culture. I don't only want to teach children just like me, but I need the basics in being able to speak without being baited by these ones, and obviously haven't changed their prejudices by logging their poor behaviour and spending an inordinate amount of time on discussing it and putting sanctions in place.

In my subject, the classes either side of my group have boys like this, but who are taught by people they respect from their own culture. These teachers are not senior to me (I've been teaching longer than I've been at this school and am deputy head in the department) and my approach to behaviour management isn't different. If anything, I'm actually one of the more experienced staff and have done lots of work on the curriculum, which is being recognised as having a great impact on the younger children now coming through, particularly in terms of awareness of tolerance of diversity, which our subject allows and supporting literacy for a large number who have English as an additional language. I do accept I can't change a culture on my own, though.

good luck @Melte I hope you find a really good new job x

OP, it is the right decision. You tried for so long. You are not a quitter. Look after yourself. Your next school will be lucky to have you

I second that your next school will be very lucky to have you.

I think it is misogyny, which is more prevalent in some cultures than others. Though not exclusive to them, after all the role model for misogyny is a white Eton educated man, Boris Johnson.

It sounds like it's much more to do with you being female than being white, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't leave. It sounds appalling, and your SLT should be dealing with it properly and backing up their female staff, but it sounds like they're the types who are happy in their smug, male superiority and think female teachers are weak if they can't just get automatic respect from these kids.

I've taught in a very multicultural (minority white British) school and I recognise your description of the misogynistic behaviour and lack of respect for female teachers (and mothers), which was apparent in some (by no means all) of our male students from certain backgrounds. And yes, the lack of respect for their mothers (by the kids and their fathers) was sometimes evident at parents' evenings.

You're seriously posting that you want to work in a school that has more white children because you can't teach Muslim boys?

Are you denying that this kind of cultural difference exists? Do you deny that in some Muslim countries or in the culture of some Muslim families, women are treated as having lesser rights than men? What do you suggest the OP does? Just stay and put up with it? Pretend that it's not at all culturally related?

@Motherparent19 on reading the level of disrespect and racism that the OP describes, my first assumption was that she was black. She doesn't say that she's white, nor mentions the race of the pupils who are discriminating against her. You've made that assumption yourself.

Really? You don’t think she is white and that the boys are from a Muslim background? You must leave in a different universe then.

Sure the OP is black and wants to go to a school where the kids are all black.

You do know that a huge proportion of Africa is Islamic? Do you suppose Muslims are those who look Asian?

The OP seems well aware of different cultures and if she is black, she would not be assuming black people aren’t part of the Muslim community because quite frankly a very large proportion are.

I'd just stick to whatever behaviour codes you have in the school. Rise above it, if they see they're getting to you then they'll carry on with
that behaviour.

RedHelenB so if someone is being bullied they should ‘just rise above it’?

YANBU however be prepared for all the mumsnetters who have no experience of this and do not understand to come out of the woodwork to call you "racist"

These are kids, she's the adult Teenagers can be horrible. Turn it round, she's modelling beubg a successful professional to the females in the class.