To think I need to work in a different school - ethnicity and culture related

[Melte]

I've taught in my current school for six years, and the demographics have changed a little, but not significantly from what I've always known.

I've always been in the minority to around 85% (2016) - around 95% (today) of pupils of a different ethnicity and religion, despite the school not being of any religious denomination.

In the last 12 months or so, I haven't had any chance of successfully managing the behaviour of the older boys. They will listen to and show respect to male teachers of of their own culture, male teachers of my culture, female teachers of their own culture and then women like me, in that order.

I'm repeatedly called derogatory names, when I'm not routinely being referred to as 'man', tutted at, laughed at, talked over and ignored. They'll bang on my classroom window or throw the door open when passing. They deliberately interrupt or misinterpret things I say, feigning sincerity. They make veiled suggestive comments. They get too close, take items aggressively, imply they will touch me, and on occasion outright threaten criminal behaviour.

I've tried and persisted with every behaviour for learning strategy I know and made sure my lessons are the best they can be, but I can't get through to them. I feel unsafe and unable to do my job for the others in this one class.

I spoke to a father on the phone this week who initially didn't believe his son would be disrespectful, before admitting that he does behave this way towards his mother, and I've watched one since September in a restorative meeting with his Head of Year try to assault his mother in anger.

I feel guilty for thinking in these terms, but I can't change the culture and attitude myself. I'm conflicted, as this only seems to be an issue with a year group who reinforce each others' behaviour and are ones whose behaviour was poor when they were younger, and this is their first full year back in school since lockdown.

AIBU to think I need to work in a school where I look like the pupils?

Is this really cultural or racial thing? Is that what you’re saying?

It sounds more like good old fashioned misogyny to me. And a school with very poor behaviour management.

Are your SLT supportive? I have worked in fairly tough inner London secondary schools for years and there is no way a culture where boys bully or undermine female staff would be tolerated if it was raised.

Sorry, why are you feeling guilty?

They’re spoilt, entitled little shits who disrespect women. This isn’t ok. This isn’t acceptable or a cultural norm- it’s misogyny.

They should be being hauled in front of the Head and disciplined. I’d be writing to the governors and the DfE about it when you depart - these attitudes towards women are what lead to our awful levels of misogyny, abuse and rape in our society.

They need teaching a lesson in respect, or they’ll never change. I’m staggered this behaviour is allowed. And as to the man admitting his son speaks disrespectfully to his mother - WTAF?!

Leave, by all means. But make sure you make a lot of complaints on the way out.

Look like? Im not sure that matters.

But, having worked around the world and in various cultures I had no issue in walking away if i wasnt to be respected based on my gender/race.

I voted YANBU, because I think you do need to leave the school but please don't make it about what people "look like". I do accept that the misogyny you describe is more prevalent in certain cultures (I have seen it in school too) but it is a cultural thing not a race thing.

Honestly? It's not a cultural thing. It's a shitty kid, upbringing thing! They will pick on anything because their parents have let it happen. Divorce, step families, indulgence or just shouldn't have had children. We have around 3-4 in every year group. The biggest issue is usually their circumstance and background.

I’m sure I’ve seen a thread similar to this perhaps a couple of years ago. Have you been to SLT and the governors about the behaviour?

Ultimately you are facing an uphill battle and I’d probably walk away. Or, if you can guarantee management have got your back then be prepared to be in it for the long haul but know that such attitudes and behaviours will take time to change, if ever for some of them.

I know it's misogynistic, but the culture seems to be very much that way. Women don't speak at parents' evenings, often through a language barrier, and defer to older sons or nephews if not accompanied by husbands, and the same happened when I called home for one particular boy, with his mum passing the phone immediately to his dad to discuss.

A mention of religion, or informing teachers at the place of worship, from someone in the community who practices is enough to make them look ashamed and go no further, but not enough to prevent them from taking advantage next time I'm left in charge without support from another member of staff.

SLT are very male dominated, with dominating being the operative word. The boys don't answer back to large men in authority and once they've asserted themselves, they feel the individual issues are dealt with. I feel like this just reinforces the hierarchy.

I completely accept it's circumstances and culture, not inherently their skin colour, but I fear that they don't see it that way, and think I'm beneath them partly because of mine.

Do you have other job options? Are you willing to take on a role to combat the misogyny? Will you be acknowleged for your attempts to change and educate?

Dont feel guilty for not wanting to take on a massive challenge. Culture is a huge thing but it doesn’t make you a racist

Sounds awful. Really awful. I'd leave.
I think there's several things in play here. But Id not want to work in that environment.

I'd look for another job. You can't change the whole culture of the school. I wouldn't stay somewhere I feel unsafe.
I don't know anything about teaching but is it possible to raise these issues with anyone in the school or do you think it would have unwanted backlash on you?

Regardless of culture or ethnicity, this doesn't sound like a healthy environment for you. I'd leave and find a better job where you're given the respect your deserve and your safety, health and wellbeing are better protected.

You're seriously posting that you want to work in a school that has more white children because you can't teach Muslim boys?

Id leave. It sounds like a rotten job.

To be fair I left work in a predominantly muslim country because I couldn’t take the disrespect….so yes, maybe this is the case

OP, I was a bit confused from your post - how many boys are you talking about? It sounds like it’s just one year group of older boys, and maybe not all of that year group?

AIBU to think I need to work in a school where I look like the pupils?

This is ridiculous and shows you must be an unexperienced teacher. I don’t doubt you have some awful students and that you need support from your head but your deduction above is laughable.

I was taught by mainly white teachers in a a majority BAME school and the teachers were just teachers, not categorised according to their colour.

You are scapegoating the majority of students in your school for your own lack of skill in commanding a class.

No, she doesn't want to teach in a school where students disrespect her as she is a woman from another culture. Op is not the problem here

People will slate you, but this is a thing. I worked in a school where there were examples of what you say and some parents absolutely looked down on women like me. Took me a while to realise, but once I had I thought, nah why should I. I could deal with it, but why should I have to?

No she wants to teach children who respect others. That's OK. Not sure where you work. I doubt it's a school 🤣

It's naïve to think that this can't possibly be a problem related to the culture. OP, if I had the opportunity to leave a work environment where you struggle and feel doomed to fail, I'd do so as soon as possible. Life is too short to stay where you're unhappy.

These boys need to learn to respect women of all races, ethnicities, cultures, etc. Someone needs to get through to them, but realistically, it will be extremely difficult for a woman to win their respect when they're already convinced that they're intrinsically, automatically superior to you. The message needs to come from someone they already respect.

If they can't respect your sex don't respect their culture.
I noticed a similar situation so I moved to the West Country.

No brainer. Leave.

If this was anything other than a school, it would be a hostile work environment and the employer would have a legal duty to protect you. Because it is a school, you are thrown to the wolves.

This is not your problem to solve. You can leave it at the doorstep for the school, the parents and the students.

Look after yourself. I feel your powerlessness. It will eat at your self esteem to continue to be subjected to such micro- and not so micro-aggressions bordering on abuse on a daily basis.

Leave, life is too short to work in misery surrounded by misogyny.

Stop it. You know exactly what’s happening here. Pretending cultural clashes are not real doesn’t help anyone. The kids doing it or the OP. How can anything change if we all just pretend it’s not happening for fear of appearing racist? Discussing cultural differences is not racism.