Dh threw milk at me

[Namechangingoverspilledmilk]

Name change because this is embarrassing and scary.
My DH and I had a disagreement over who was sleeping on sofa bed- it should be my turn tonight but he wanted to stay up late and game. I said I would go upstairs but also wanted to keep my expected day of Sunday for the nice bed. We no longer share a bed atm because We both snore horribly and I am a terrible light sleeper. Throw a 1yo into mix who sometimes likes to wake in night or early hours and it works best for everyone to do what we need to get a good night's sleep. Anyway when I said well I guess but I want to keep Sunday night too as it isn't me who wants to stay up late and change the pattern of who is going where he got really cross. He was on his way up to feed the baby and our disagreement carried from living room into kitchen. He was pouring milk into the bottle and I broke off what I was saying to point out he had poured too much as we are trying to wean baby off of this night bottle by reducing milk amount slowly. He then really angrily tipped it down sink instead of back into milk carton which I thought was wasteful- we aren't exactly flush with cash atm. He then had tipped too much out so he stomped back to fridge got milk out, slopped more into bottle spilling everywhere. The disagreement was still continuing and I said I thought he was being unreasonable. He then sloshed milk out of the plastic carton towards me- it splashed all over the floor, nearly caught the washing I have hanging up drying and went a bit on my work laptop case. He also made a horrible comment about my mental health- saying it was already shit, in response to me reminding him why we weren't just sharing a bed because of snoring and my MH goes down pan quickly on little sleep.
I was so gobsmacked by what he'd done. I said nothing. He got the mop straight out and started clearing it up and said nothing to me. He went to feed baby and I just went to bedroom whilst he did that. I'm really upset- by the mental health comment but also by the milk throwing. It was meant for me. It was a total moment of loss of control of his anger. This is first time he's done something this intimidating but isn't first time he's just lost his temper in an argument- usually it's verbally and he has previously told me to fuck off and called me a bitch. Those incidents have probably happened 4 or 5 times- a few times in front of our eldest. We've been married nearly 6 years and together for 9 for context.
I'm lying here feeling sick. I don't know if I'm overreacting but I know that what just happened isn't right and that serious domestic violence doesn't always start with significant incidents initially it can start with small things like this. I now can't stop thinking about that and my anxiety is sky high worried he might still be angry and come in the room and strangle me or something and then what will happen to my kids. This is absolutely not rational but anxiety isn't and I'm trying to talk myself down. Aibu to be so upset by this incident?

In the nicest possible way - you need to get a grip. He was preparing your babies bottle. You are both tired. Find a way to get back to an equilibrium.

It sounds like you were having an argument, tbh.

I don't like the sound of the swearing on previous occasions though.

He was wrong about the sleeping arrangements. He can't have both spaces.

From what you have said I don't think he was throwing milk at you. You both sound tired, snoring doesn't make for deep sleep (I know), neither does the sofa I find.

you were following him round micromanaging him about something very trivial. i am not surprised he was annoted.it sounds like he sloshed the bottle in frustration and it went on the floor not throwing milk at you.
You are being selfish about the bed too

He was out of order tossing milk in your direction and also making comments about your mental, I would be pissed off.

Try and get some sleep tonight and address it tomorrow.

I'm not seeing abuse. I'm seeing 2 people who need a sleep clinic and get their snoring sorted out before it impacts their actual health rather than their moods.

Just sounds like an argument, I certainly don't think he's about to strangle you.
You need to also not follow him around the house and let things go.

He was out of order throwing anything at you.

But. You were wrong to want two nights in a row, what's the problem with switching nights? I think you were being unfair. Then you kinda just followed him round arguing and telling him he was doing everything wrong while he was just trying to make a bottle.

I think this incident six of one and half a dozen of the other to be honest. Yes he shouldn't have splashed milk at you, but it seems like you followed him to the kitchen in the middle of a disagreement, and then criticised the way he was doing a task. He didn't hurt you, he cleaned it up immediately.

Calling you a bitch is wrong. How badly I would judge that would depend what was said or done on both sides leading up to it.

I'm kind of on his side about the sofa bed thing too, unless there's a specific reason that getting it sunday night is better, like work on monday? If the nights are like for like, you should get the same number of nights, and switch nights if one person wants to stay up later in the living room.

In the depths of sleep deprivation with small children I cannot promise you that I wouldn’t have thrown milk at my husband had he followed me around niggling about everything I was doing.

He shouldn’t ever call you a bitch or tell you to fuck off.

But this particular incident doesn’t seem to me how it seems to you, at all. He was making a bottle, he wanted to swap beds.

You could have said yes to swapping rather than trying to penalise him for wanting to swap - unreasonable.
You were hen pecking him about how to make a bottle - unreasonable.
You think he threw milk at you then say he sloshed it and none even touched you - ridiculous.
You’re seeing this as a precursor to violent domestic abuse and strangling - wildly disproportionate and quite worrying.

Get some sleep and try and get some perspective in the morning. You don’t have to stay with a man who verbally abuses you. But drop the milk thing, it’s not helping you.

This

The lack of sleep because of the baby, and also because of you both snoring (nobody sleeps well when they are snoring) is making you both really argumentative and hot tempered. Unless you're going to tell us he has a history of aggression, then I think the best thing will be to tackle the root cause of this.

Tackle the sleep thing and the rest will follow - you’re both to blame, but he’s unreasonable wanting to change nights to play a game IMO.

Sorry I got confused. I thought you said he threw milk at you?

Hi OP some comments here are a little disingenuous imo. You had an argument, he didn't hit you but sloshed milk at you. He's a DH.

Swearing doesn't bother me, I'm not pious, but name calling is worrysome cos he's telling you that's what he thinks of you.

Ref your anxiety, if youre worried you can sleep cos you might get hurt buy a door lock. I bought mine when I go stay in hotels from amazon, there are lots of different types for small money
www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&client=ms-android-samsung-rvo1&source=android-browser&q=amazon+door+lock+hotel#scso=_T2XMY7m3HsGQ8gLW75rICg_25:684.7999877929688

But I doubt he'll be coming in to do you in. He'll be gaming and killing zombies or the enemies for a few hours so that'll deal with his anger!

Good luck OP, you are not being unreasonable to be upset by it, but you imagination may be running in overdrive due to anxiety. 💕

He’s probably frustrated and tired like you; I don’t see why you couldn’t swap nights with him or why you followed him to tell him how to do a basic task

I'm not sure I'd describe that as throwing milk at you. Personally I think he was annoyed you wouldn't agree to swap nights, instead you wanted to keep your usual 'allocation' and take advantage of him sleeping on the sofa tonight. I think hes annoyed for 2 reasons. Firstly it's selfish and petty, secondly whilst you say 'we've agreed' to this arrangement I suspect its not what he wants at all, but he can't put up with your moods so has agreed. Add into that a young baby and sleepless nights, he's made a mistake with the milk and you're hovering over him nagging. He's pissed off.
No ones being unreasonable. Your all tired, fed up and stressed.
Forget who turnnitbis for the bec. forget the milk. If excess weight is contributing to you both snooring maybe now is a good time to pull together and tackle this as a couple. Remember, you are both on the same side!

He doesn't want both spaces. He's saying he'll take the sofa tonight instead of OP and she can swap her night in the bed with him, but OP wants both nights.

Are you getting enough support from the GP with your mental health OP? Aside from the sleep, that seems the other important thing to tackle.

Actually I think you sound unreasonable tbh. He wants to swap nights on the sofa, you wanted both.
That doesn’t sound fair or compromising, does it?
Then you proceeded to follow him around the house picking holes in everything he did, basically spoiling for a fight
should he have got frustrated,sloshed milk and called you names? No, obviously. But you don’t come off well.
You are both tired and unless this is one in a long line of misdemeanours, I’d chalk this up as just an arguement

I don’t think ether of you covered yourselves in glory
honestly the level of your micro managing and criticism it was never going to end well

I really don’t think it’s fair of you to pick at him until he reacts then try to brand him as abusive.

Clearly the sleeping arrangements aren’t working so you need to see if you can find another solution. It’s perfectly reasonable to ask to swap nights but instead you were childish about it. Calling this abusive or saying he threw the milk at you when by your own description that’s not necessarily what happened is wrong.

Emotional and verbal abuse are abuse. Absolutely. And can very often escalate into physical abuse. He cannot control his temper, even in front of your kids, and you were intimidated by his physical actions enough to worry about your safety while sleeping. That is not unreasonable.