Family comes first surely ?

[Pinkchenille]

4 years ago my friend started a cleaning business. My mum was looking for a cleaner so I gave her my friends number . After 18 months or so she started to clean for my mums ndn too.

My mum has always had the opinion that if you want something you work for it so isn’t very forthcoming with helping out when I’ve struggled but my youngest is now in full time school so I wanted to work but I’ve not been able to for years due to some medical issues . I said to my mum would she consider letting me be her cleaner and as she has that kind of work ethic opinion mentioned above she was happy to do this as she would be helping me out but I wouldn’t be doing nothing in return.

she gave her cleaner (my friend) notice and I’ve now been cleaning for her a few weeks . Her ndn is one of her best friends as they’ve lived there for over 30 years and she had been talking to her and ndn has now given notice and asked me will i clean for her too (she’s aware of my medical issues and knows this will make throngs easier for me I’ve known her years and it was her suggestion)

My friend (well I’m not sure if she is anymore) has accused me of poaching her clients !!! But I’m not . They had given notice and yes I asked my mum but i didn’t approach her ndn. She’s says I shouldn’t have asked my mum but it’s my mum and surely family comes first especially given my circumstances 😞

Totally irrelevant to compare the number of clients you and your friend have. You seem to have endless ideas about how all of this is fair because it suits you.

As an aside Op you do need to register as self employed, even if you end up earning under the threshold to pay tax.

You will be earning at least £20 per week, so over £1000 per year, From the neighbour. Your mum can’t ‘just claim she gives you weekly money as a gift’. If that’s looked into you would both have problems. She can’t gift you money in return for work.

Besides which for UC, I think, you need to declare regular income from other sources.

While you don’t need to declare starting a job for your Pip, if you declared your conditions were too severe and you couldn’t work, you could find yourself having to explain the change in circumstances that means you now can. Personally, I would report it to cover myself.

Exactly this.

She hasn’t told me what effect it has had? I know she will be that amount of money down per week but then I don’t know if she has any disposable income to offset that so how can I actually know for certain the precise effect? But for me I knew I had nothing spare and needed that amount to top up the electric and buy extra food that we needed ?

Don't feel too bad, OP. Your friend will probably find some new clients quite easily and you can now earn that bit extra to help pay your bills. Family should be able to help each other out.

She was clearly never your friend considering you haven’t even stopped for a second to find out how much of an impact it will have on her.

I absolutely detest threads like this

OP “Everyone, am I being unreasonable?”

Everyone “YES”

OP “No I’m not!”

What the fuck did you ask for then?

OP - for £40 a week you are under the threshold for every tax and NI band. You should declare income over £1,000, but as there's no tax to pay, you can do an online tax return at the end of the year to cover yourself - it will show zero.

My mum has had Pip for years and never had to declare when her hours went up/down - it's not about your ability to work. If your abilities have not changed from the initial assessment (it sounds like they haven't) you are fine.

You got your friend the two clients when she started out, she should be grateful for the years of work that YOU provided her with.

I don't understand why your mum won't just help you out financially, but I understand that this is the amount of work you can manage and you are trying to make ends meet.

So against the grain - you've done nothing wrong, I'm sorry things are such a struggle for you and I hope your financial situation improves.

There have been 2 or 3 people saying it was unreasonable though so it’s not everyone

*wasnt

It doesn’t matter if she has £10000 disposable income. We all have different budgets based on our income and she will still rely on that income, even if she earns significantly more than you.

She doesn’t need to explain herself to you. She is clearly upset with you and it’s the emotional affect on her I mean. You were her friend and she will feel betrayed by you, she doesn’t need to tell you that for you to realise how and why she will be upset.

YABVU

PIP isn't means tested!!!!
The benefits police on here need to get their facts straight before accusing people of fraud.

OP sorry you're having such a tough time. Maybe your friend is too and would be good to have let her know first and maybe explained/asked. But know when things are tough it's all about trying to fix each problem as it comes.

Well that’s a lie considering 545 people have voted on your pole and 71% say you are being unreasonable.

So hardly 2-3 people.

I just wanted to top up my electric so it didn’t go off and buy pasta , cereal, milk, toilet paper, coffee etc not loads just the things we kept running out of and couldn’t get some weeks and I’ve managed to achieve that so I don’t understand what I’ve done wrong. The only thing I do know is my friend was paying her electric monthly with a direct debit as she had told me in the past but ours is pre payment so can go off if we don’t top it up and I couldn’t risk that so I was worried

But you said everyone . 71% isn’t everyone

OP, have you asked what effect it has had?

Most people would deduce from the fact that she is clearly upset that it has had a negative impact on her, without her having to actually spell this out. You are very focused on the fact that you needed the money but you do seem incapable of realising that she might have needed it too.

As I've already said above, I don't think you were unreasonable to ask your mum, though I do think you should have refused to take the next door neighbour on as a client. However, quite apart from the matter of poaching clients, your own inability to see this from your friend's perspective is probably as upsetting to her as the poaching clients itself. You sound incredibly self absorbed and lacking in empathy/self awareness. I'm not sure if that is connected to your autism in some way? (NB I am definitely NOT implying that all autistic people are lacking in empathy and/or self awareness as I know that not to be true!)

PIP isn't means tested!!!!

That doesn’t mean a change in circumstances doesn’t need reporting

It’s not just about the financial aspect!!!

she will feel betrayed and hurt by her friend, and you can’t understand that? That’s what you have done wrong.

Majority - and not 2-3 people.

This thread is a complete wind up. No one can be that self absorbed.

The friend got the job at your Mum's thanks to you in first place!!! People giving you hard times, but I think it's OK, just get on with your life and if she is salty, let the friendship go.

But I had to put my children first they can’t be in a dark house with no electric and hungry with no food I would not put friendship morals before my children’s needs

@Pinkchenille

can you really put yourself in her shoes at all? It’s is coming across as if you have very, very limited empathy

@Pinkchenille if you need the money you do what you have to.
Ignore all the whiter than white pp’s, they’re not in your situation and your dm will of course put you first.
As for your ndn, she’s capable of choosing her own cleaner.

Your df will obviously feel miffed but if she’s a good cleaner she’ll get new customers.