Family comes first surely ?

[Pinkchenille]

4 years ago my friend started a cleaning business. My mum was looking for a cleaner so I gave her my friends number . After 18 months or so she started to clean for my mums ndn too.

My mum has always had the opinion that if you want something you work for it so isn’t very forthcoming with helping out when I’ve struggled but my youngest is now in full time school so I wanted to work but I’ve not been able to for years due to some medical issues . I said to my mum would she consider letting me be her cleaner and as she has that kind of work ethic opinion mentioned above she was happy to do this as she would be helping me out but I wouldn’t be doing nothing in return.

she gave her cleaner (my friend) notice and I’ve now been cleaning for her a few weeks . Her ndn is one of her best friends as they’ve lived there for over 30 years and she had been talking to her and ndn has now given notice and asked me will i clean for her too (she’s aware of my medical issues and knows this will make throngs easier for me I’ve known her years and it was her suggestion)

My friend (well I’m not sure if she is anymore) has accused me of poaching her clients !!! But I’m not . They had given notice and yes I asked my mum but i didn’t approach her ndn. She’s says I shouldn’t have asked my mum but it’s my mum and surely family comes first especially given my circumstances 😞

What you did wasn't morally right. I'd wave goodbye to the friendship and hope your ex friend doesn't report you to hmrc.
You could have approached your friend and been honest that you needed some cash. She may have been able to give you some work without poaching it.

I would say it’s an and/both situation rather than either/or. I can understand why you’ve taken the work. It makes sense given your circumstances AND I can understand your friend being annoyed because you have taken two of her clients.

I agree that the OP needs to look out for her own financial situation as opposed to her friends. It’s a dog eat dog world. But the OP could at least own up to the fact that she pinched her mum’s ndn at the very least.

OP, you’re trying to flip this and turn it into a ‘I’m disabled and I need more money, what’s wrong with that’ thread and that isn’t how you started it off. You explained the situation and put this on AIBU to hear responses. The majority have said you’re in the wrong but you’re still trying to justify what you’ve done. Not sure why you’ve posted really

Technically you did poach your mum but that's to be expected. Pretty sure most mums would do the same to help out their own child.

You didn't poach NDN as she came to you. Besides if she had have been completely satisfied with the service she wouldn't have done that.

I stated in my OP about my medical issues I didn’t drip feed

I can see both sides here.

I completely understand that you having this extra small income is needed and you couldn’t say no to the opportunity.

But equally I can see why your friend is upset and feels you poached her clients. This is income that she is now losing and probably also needs.

I’m concerned that you can’t see it from your friends point of view. I think that is probably more upsetting to your friend than the actual situation.

I can understand why your friend is upset. Did you speak to her before you arranged to clean for your mum or did she just find out when she was given notice?

We’re all feeling the pinch and I’m sure she’d be disappointed to lose two clients however it happened but, if you spoke to her and explained the situation before you acted I’d hope a friend would understand. If you just went ahead and poached her clients (yes, that is what you did regardless of whether it was justified) then it’s hardly surprising she’s upset.

"But she still has many other clients and I only have 2 . If I hadn’t done this she would have all of hers and I’d have 0 . If I’d not asked my mum I could have been waiting weeks to even find 1 client"

You sound very entitled. If you hadn't pinched her clients you could have been waiting weeks to find a client? Well....you wait weeks then. You don't just poach your friends!

I don't think you were BU to ask if you could do your mum's cleaning. If I were paying a cleaner, I would definitely want to prioritise my own child if they were struggling financially and looking for cleaning work... it's a no-brainer!!

Having said that, though, I think you should have declined the request to work for the next door neighbour on the grounds that you would be poaching work from your friend. I do understand the appeal of it being so close to your mum's house and having a sympathetic client, but it's a shitty thing to do to your friend. It doesn't matter that she has more clients than you do, it is still her income.

I think you should definitely get advice from CAB about what you do and don't need to declare in relation to PIP, and also about any other help for which you may be eligible.

" so it was a quick way to get me extra money"

Are you listening to yourself?

No only my mum . Of I declared what her ndn gives we’ve worked it out so it’s under £1000 a year so I wouldn’t have to pay tax anyway

You still have to declare it. I had to submit my accounts first year of self-employment even though I hardly earned a bean.

Watch out your ex-friend doesn't shop you for not having ever I dotted and T crossed. That's business and you've poached two of her clients.

I think that is a very fair point. You do come across as being completely unable to see her point of view.

I never said you drip fed. I’m referring to your post when you said

‘You can guarantee if someone posted on here that they had medical conditions and got PIP but needed more money and were asking about UC they’d be told they could work and find something to fit with their conditions and I’ve tried to do something small I can manage but get told I’m committing benefit fraud ?’

You didn’t come on here stating that and people are saying ‘oh OP, you can’t work in your situation.’ You came on here, explained what happened with your friend but don’t like the responses.

All people are saying, is that if you want to work. You need to let HMRC know about ANY changes in circumstances. It’s really that simple

All you had to say is, “ yes I did take two of my friends clients.
I need the money. There are bills that need paying. “

Everybody would have been supporting you.

But the nepotism involved when OP got her friend the clients in the first place is ok? She's got 4 years work out of her.

You had two choices:

• Take on the jobs cleaning for your Mum and her NDN. Surely you knew that this would negatively affect and upset your friend but you chose to do it anyway because it benefited yourself. That’s fine and it’s your decision to make….. but accept that she has every right to be upset and you might lose a friend over it.
• Say no to your Mum and her NDN and decide that the friendship is too important to you, so you decide not to screw her over.

Personally I think it would have been ok to take over cleaning for your Mum…. And that your friend would have been ok with that. It’s the NDN client that has pushed it over to being unreasonable.

Thats a shitty thing to do to a friend. Of all the dozens of people in your town that need a cleaner - you took 2 of her clients. Is that what friends do?

Exactly what I was thinking.

According to CAB she doesn't need to declare it, but I would still tell them to cover her own back.

However, you did poach your 'friends' clients. Every penny you take off your two 'gift givers' is a penny taken away from her and so I'm unsurprised she's no longer your friend.

Why not find a WFH role, I hear Jet2 have good home based work where experience isn't necessary and then you can work longer hours in the comfort of your own home!

From cab

Also - what medical condition means that you can work for your mum and her next door neighbour but prevents you from doing the same job somewhere else?

That’s true because i don’t know what she is thinking I only know what’s in my own mind ?

You have told us she has accused you of poaching her clients so you do know what she is thinking? You have also said she is no longer your friend so surely that tells you what she is thinking?

But this thread you have evidenced several times your inability to feel remorse for how your behaviour has affected her.

I think I was just desperate to have enough for electric and food it was the first thing I thought of that would help