To politely ask that SEN is not suggested as a ‘cause’ for every behaviour on here?

[Cuppasoupmonster]

Because it’s panicking mums unnecessarily? I don’t mean where there are multiple ‘symptoms’ or clearly something very atypical. But chatting a lot, not studying for GCSEs hard enough, only having one or two close friends - SEN has been suggested as a reason for all of these lately, without any other pointers or red flags.

There is yet another thread this evening by a mum with a young baby panicking the baby has autism because she demonstrates some very normal baby-like behaviour. I was the same with DD and I really regret the time I wasted worrying rather than just enjoying her, but then everything she did seemed to be a ‘SEN indicator’ on here and I was an anxious first time mum.

AIBU to just ask people to think a bit more carefully before suggesting it, and consider whether it’s really proportionate?

I’ve worded this as sensitively as I can and I hope it will be received as such…

Tricky, I don't think I've read any posts on here where someone has suggested autism and I haven't thought the same.

I wish someone had suggested it to me about my DC. Took 10 years of struggling with "behavioural" issues and me seeing a councillor because I couldn't cope before she kindly suggested that a diagnosis was likely. In hindsight plenty of red flags but no-one thought to mention it to us...

The examples you give absolutely could be SEN though? Not that they necessarily are of course, but asking the question might make them look at other behaviours that they hadn't linked before. Just because they're not mentioned in the post doesn't mean they're not there.

I had never linked my scattiness at losing things and my abysmal final school year results (along with a host of other behaviours) with ADD until I was in my 40s.

People respond using their experiences, and sadly a lot have had to really push to have SEN behaviours looked at for a diagnosis. They want to help others avoid that delay.

I cried and cried as I thought I was the most rubbish parent in the world. Nope. Just turns put parenting sen dc is bloody hard. Thank goodness I had Amazing HV who recognised dc 1 was more than likely adhder at 2 years of age and got ball rolling with speech therapy, parental support classes and groups etc. Otherwise I may have been posting on here pulling my hair out

I understand what you’re saying but my OP clearly states when there is an isolated and fairly normal behaviour rather than really challenging behaviour or series of symptoms.

Yanbu.

It's suggested on pretty much every thread

My now (recent) ex has blamed cheating with prostitutes when we had a 3 week old rainbow baby on ADHD and has booked himself in for a diagnosis 🙂

I totally agree with you. I know people are just trying to be helpful and give another parent their lightbulb moment. But it's nearly always based on the description of one kind of behavior, taken totally out of context of the child's surroundings, education, upbringing, other medical conditions etc.

Getting a diagnosis can take a long time and there's a reason for that, if it takes fully trained health professionals several appointments with months or years of input from school and parents then I don't think anyone here can diagnose autism, ADHD or anything basically based on a few lines.

I take bets with myself on how soon someone will stick a label on something, yeah it seems endless

But also just because someone says or asks 'it might be autism, adhd....' doesn't mean it is because some random says it on the internet

So as much as it annoys me people don't have to take it in board.

People can rationally engage their brains

Oh I agree, almost every thread on here!

I'd lso say to add it to life in general.

DS has severe dyslexia and ADHD.

The school are lovely and they do support him, but my god do they keep trying to pin his just normal deciding to be an arsehole for the morning on his SEN sometimes.

I've actually had to say to them, not everything is the ADHD, he's just being a wind up merchant or deliberately being difficult sometimes, because well he's 8 🤦🏻‍♀️

Like my child is capable of having ADHD and being a deliberate prick all at the same time. I should know, I birthed the fucker...🤣

I disagree. It's often one potential cause of an issue, and worth asking the question. Sometimes it's irrelevant, but if there is neurodiversity, it's extremely helpful to recognise it early and get the correct support.

I think it's on posters to reject suggestions that don't fit, rather than on those replying to avoid suggesting something that's been helpful in their own experience.

And at the risk of extreme irony, if a suggestion by an online stranger causes "panic", perhaps the poster should get assessed for an anxiety disorder 😁

@ManchesterGirl2 i think mums with older children are able to rationalise better than mums with small babies, especially first time mums who are usually a bundle of nerves anyway. The issue is more that SEN suggestion seems to absolutely dominate threads, with anyone suggesting that it’s ‘normal kid behaviour’ accused of ‘minimising’ or being ‘uninformed’. When you’ve got 10 replies and 6 or 7 suggest SEN, even if you’re normally quite a rational person, you’ll assume that’s quite possibly the right answer purely because it becomes the ‘only’ explanation.

It's not the actual diagnosis process that takes a long time. When my DC was diagnosed as autistic we had 4 appointments in total. 3 for assessment. 1 initial appt to see if it was worth doing the assessment, 1 as a parent going through history, 1 where DC was assessed directly, and 1 to be given the result.

It took 2 years to get the referral made in the first place, 2 years on the waiting list once the referral was made, and just over a year from the initial appointment to diagnosis (most of which was spent waiting for the assessment appointments). The consultant was hugely apologetic about the wait.

I would say, from my experience in schools, that neurodiversity is massively underdiagnosed. I remember thinking about every class I worked with and I could think of 11-15 children in every class of 30 that would probably get a diagnosis if assessed for dyslexia or ASD or ADHD or dyspraxia or Tourettes etc. etc. I've watched children's mental health get shattered because they were struggling with neurodiversity that wasn't diagnosed and they didn't have the right support, including eating disorders and self-harm in primary school children. I've seen children's behaviour deteriorate until the point they were permanently excluded because they weren't diagnosed and supported. Of those children, the ones I know about did subsequently get a diagnosis which is how I know I was right when I could see it unravelling before me. It's absolutely heartbreaking. So no, I won't stop advising parents to consider it as a possibility for fear of worrying them. Some parents need to be worried. The consequences of not being can be very serious.

I remember thinking about every class I worked with and I could think of 11-15 children in every class of 30 that would probably get a diagnosis if assessed for dyslexia or ASD or ADHD or dyspraxia or Tourettes

But this is exactly it. If SEN is now so common that half of children have it, then it isn’t ‘SEN’ as such is it? It then becomes a normal neurotype, and just normal personality variation.

The alternative is that the kids aren’t all SEN and that modern life and environmental factors are exacerbating those variations.

Either way it’s hugely worrying and to me doesn’t suggest ‘neurodiversity’, it suggests an epidemic which needs a lot of research as to the cause.

It’s suspected that 2 out of 8 people are neurodiverse in some way, apparently. We are!

Oh God.
YES @Cuppasoupmonster
The fact that somebody can believe it's under diagnosed is shocking.

Oh, and it’s not helpful to use words like ‘normal behaviour’. Not all SEN behaviours are challenging or have symptoms. Hence late diagnosis that we’re seeing more of.

My eldest DS, might or might not have autism. He certainly has a few markers for it. So I researched it.

I used that knowledge to change my parenting methods which has helped enormously. I bought him a watch that was highly recommended in the Autism UK website to help teach time management skills - and it was incredibly helpful (and no longer needed).

I've discussed it with him (he's 15 now) and he's ok being a bit different, happy to not seek diagnosis, and will occasionally ask if there is something he wants more information on.

I think knowledge is power, and the stigma of diagnosis needs to be removed.

I hear you @MoscowMules . Empathy and laughter at your post!

It's always autism until you get to your late 30s, when it becomes either perimenopause, actual menopause or if you're a bloke, you are Definitely Having An Affair. Then, when you hit 60, the cause of any behaviour whatsoever is dementia.

'It's not the actual diagnosis process that takes a long time. When my DC was diagnosed as autistic we had 4 appointments in total. 3 for assessment. 1 initial appt to see if it was worth doing the assessment, 1 as a parent going through history, 1 where DC was assessed directly, and 1 to be given the result. '

Yeah you're kind of proving my point. 4 appointments in total with (presumably) a paediatrician specialising in ASD. It's a world away from an 'AIBU my child will only eat chicken nuggets and chips' and a barrage of replies saying 'sounds like autism.' Eventually someone sensible will chip in with 'my kid did that and they were just fussy and outgrew it' only to be met with a scolding about how autistic children can't just outgrow food sensitivities - as if the posters child has now actually been diagnosed by people who are not qualified and have never actually met the child and don't know the slightest thing about him!

How common does something have to be to be called "normal" rather than "special"? It's kind of a philosophical question.

But if you take away the stigma, surely it's better for people to understand themselves better, to know why they might find certain things harder, and to know it's not their fault for being lazy or stupid - and to have a word for this common collection of traits so that they can access strategies and peer support and potentially medications that can help them. The more we can all understand about how to get the best of of our own brains, the better.

But I haven't seen posters saying they can diagnose via a post on MN. Only suggestions that it is something they should consider. Obviously nobody should take what is said on here as a diagnosis. MN even has big disclaimers saying people shouldn't. It's just alerting people to a possibility that they may not have considered.

Well you obviously don't have first hand experience of trying to get a diagnosis if you think it is over diagnosed.

My daughter is only just finishing her ASD diagnosis with CAMHS. Her ASD (not that we knew it was that), caused such levels of anxiety that she missed most of the last 3 years of school. She had panic attacks, and depression.

I didn’t know what the problem was. I always knew that something was a bit different, but not what. I wish someone had mentioned ASD as a possibility years ago, and maybe I could have accessed the correct services back then.