To politely ask that SEN is not suggested as a ‘cause’ for every behaviour on here?

[Cuppasoupmonster]

Because it’s panicking mums unnecessarily? I don’t mean where there are multiple ‘symptoms’ or clearly something very atypical. But chatting a lot, not studying for GCSEs hard enough, only having one or two close friends - SEN has been suggested as a reason for all of these lately, without any other pointers or red flags.

There is yet another thread this evening by a mum with a young baby panicking the baby has autism because she demonstrates some very normal baby-like behaviour. I was the same with DD and I really regret the time I wasted worrying rather than just enjoying her, but then everything she did seemed to be a ‘SEN indicator’ on here and I was an anxious first time mum.

AIBU to just ask people to think a bit more carefully before suggesting it, and consider whether it’s really proportionate?

I’ve worded this as sensitively as I can and I hope it will be received as such…

I agree with you OP. For every single behaviour someone chips in with SEN . People seem so attuned to it now they think it's the cause of everything.

I dont agree though I get what you are saying. Sometimes it's just that person being in a pretty awful stage.

I would rather it getting suggested a few times to many for it to not miss 1 person.

Way to many are undiagnosed in particular girls who have spent their life masking.

I was in the opposite situation with a SENCO convinced my.child was on the autistic spectrum. Despite my and friends all going.. nope she p
Insisted even suggesting I had issues with it so didn't want the diagnosis. Well I agreed with an assessment it came back with not autistic.. even after that she tried to push it. Wanting a 2nd opinion..

Getting her support with suspected dyslexia was impossible. Later we paid privately and her then secondary school on reading the report asked me. "How did she get this far with that bad dyslexia ?" School was astonished..she is clever that's how. So memorised it was not until it got too hard to memorised she nolonge could mask it.

I very much wish someone had said. Do you think? With her minor issues she has an older sister with dyslexia so not even that big a leap. She is now at uni studying astrophysics.

I wish it had been suggested to me. I also wish it was easier to get a poorly preforming senco out (this one was particularly bad)

I think it is something that needs flagging.

I work in a unit for excluded children. Prqctically all of our children have some sort of previously unmet SN

Reading my son's diagnosis letter for autism is depressing. He is not just a bit quirky, reading that - he is isolated, lacking social imagination, inflexible, can't relate to his peers, has sensory issues, tics, can be belligerent, no sense of hierarchy.

He was 11, very bright and kind and my lovely boy at the same time. People who don't know him well would not see his "difference" but it is there, it is not just that he is quirky or studious. Now he is an adult, and he is doing well and is at uni living his best life, maths, chess and more maths.

My daughter 16, asd, ADHD and has an EHCP all the acronyms! She is not just shy and awkward. At pre-school they were heavily hinting maybe there was something "wrong" we just thought she was being herself, they were wrong! She ran me ragged as a toddler I think I was too exhausted to think about what could be behind her constant activity, and escapes, constantly running up to people to talk to them, running into the road.not sleeping well. 8 yo ASD diagnosis, 11 ADHD and meds, she will need help to live independently, it will take her longer but she will get there. She is the sweetest, kindest soul and the thought of people taking advantage of her turns my blood cold.

It is the lack of social imagination that really makes so called high functioning autistic people vulnerable. If you cannot be sure of what people mean by what they say, if you lack any instinct or inborn insight then you are prone to making mistakes. Ones that harm you or insult others, making friends is a minefield at the best of times, young people with autism are blundering into that field with a blindfold and no idea it is a minefield.

Op there is your opinion about the level of autism and ND in the UK and there are statistics and medical professionals opinions, with respect I will stick to the latter. You are making sweeping assumptions and that is fine but it is not actually helpful, just flapping about the bar for diagnosis being too low, or maybe ND is not really a disability now it is just a characteristic, like freckles or maybe you don't actually have a clue. I am not sure I agree with your request for posters not to suggest "perfectly normal" behaviours that are sometimes mentioned by concerned parents on mn, are possible signs of ND. If your child should be assessed then that will be filtered out through the referral pathway. There is a process. Self diagnosis and adjusting parenting to fit your child is also an option. But you won't get much support in school or beyond without a diagnosis and the level of help you get with isn't huge it is a series of reasonable adjustmentd in my experience.

Sorry epic post

@FlemCandango One of those “I wish mumsnet had like buttons” times. Thank you for posting that. This thread was starting to depress me, and your post sums up what I wanted to say, but far better than I would have been able to say it!

Although sensory issues are very common in autistic people they are not part of the diagnostic criteria so if your DC is diagnosed there must be a lot more going on than that. You may find some of the deeper issues become more apparent as your DC gets older.

🙌

Have you read about 'mismatch diseases'? I don't recall sensory processing disorder being listed as one, but ADHD definitely is. It's a really interesting subject.

Sensory issues are now part of the diagnostic criteria. Check out DSM 5 or ICD 11.

Great post

It's the same as if anyone over about 45 behaves unreasonably someone will chip in that it might be dementia. Happens on every thread.

I just wanted to say that I am eternally grateful to a poster on another forum who suggested autism to me when asking for parenting advice. I'd heard of autism but didn't really know anything about it. That suggestion changed our lives. She was right. 10 years on from that, DD is diagnosed, I am diagnosed, younger DS is diagnosed, and DH is now being assessed.

You had a pop at me last night. SEN does not always mean really challenging behaviour. It is a huge spectrum of symptoms. Like other posters, I sometimes see things and it rings bells with me as a SEN parent. At no point have I ever tried to diagnose somebody else's child. What I can do, is share my own experiences and quite honestly, as early diagnosis is absolutely key, it is better that somebody checks or seeks help from their HV or GP if they have concerns. It was my HV who picked up on my DS's autism. I will always be grateful to her because her early intervention made the biggest difference. Of course, as I have stated, it isn't always SEN but that is why the diagnostic process is so very long. Nobody is trying to scare parents.

I'm shocked that you're shocked, to be honest. It happens so often that schools are in denial and characterise as being just "quiet" or "quirky" when they are subsequently diagnosed as having ASD or similar. And even if the school is supportive, there are waiting lists of two years for diagnosis. It certainly is under-diagnosed.

You said what I wanted to say, but far better!

The posts on MN by armchair psychologists make me ashamed to have autism.

My DD is autistic.

Every time I have seen neurodiversity gently suggested on here, I've usually thought the same thing reading the OP.

As parents of ND children it becomes pretty easy to recognise the potential signs. OP with the greatest of respect if you don't have an ND child yourself then you just don't understand this.

For those of us with "higher functioning"/ lower support needs DC often it took us years to realise there could be an issue, and then several more to actually get a diagnosis.

Floating the idea of neurodiversity on the threads you talk about is done as a kindness - the quicker things can be investigated the better the outcome for the whole family.

I agree. My DD has ADHD and it's crippling at times as are 'normal' expectations. I only comment if the things people ask sound like her & often it's well masked. But several specific things all in one list can ring true. And if ongoing for a long time.
I will then share our experience

I've always been perplexed at how long some people wait for a diagnosis, I really do put this down to area.

DS was diagnosed in about 6 weeks 😳

I actually didn't think he had any SEN other than the severe dyslexia. I just thought I had a full of energy, fidgety, danger seeking boy, with no social filter and mood swings/anger problems due to a childhood trauma 😬

We self referred to CHAMS as DS had gone through a traumatic experience and I was concerned about his mental health, the childhood psychologist in the initial assessment waited a full hour and a half and said "you do know your child has ADHD?" It took me back, he said he's an absolute text book case, and his emotional disregulation is the ADHD. I've now observed him for over an hour and a half on this zoom call.

Childhood psychologist wrote to the school, school sent a copy of the letter and a letter themselves, then about 3 weeks later another letter came through with "the diagnosis".

I honestly however don't pay much attention to it. We work on "assessing danger" and the verbal ticks can be annoying, but I parent him pretty much the same as no diagnosis, and I don't let behaviour slip because of it.

At the end of the day he's going to be an adult in society one day and me and him have to work together on minimising the impact best we can, and ensuring his behaviour is always acceptable and correct to function in society.

The severe dyslexia is more of an issue than the ADHD. But I have also employed a private tutor outside of school to assist with reading and writing. I think this will impact him more in life than the ADHD personally.

I don’t think you understand anything about SEN.
It’s this kind of ignorance/ prejudice that prevents children from getting the support they need.