To politely ask that SEN is not suggested as a ‘cause’ for every behaviour on here?

[Cuppasoupmonster]

Because it’s panicking mums unnecessarily? I don’t mean where there are multiple ‘symptoms’ or clearly something very atypical. But chatting a lot, not studying for GCSEs hard enough, only having one or two close friends - SEN has been suggested as a reason for all of these lately, without any other pointers or red flags.

There is yet another thread this evening by a mum with a young baby panicking the baby has autism because she demonstrates some very normal baby-like behaviour. I was the same with DD and I really regret the time I wasted worrying rather than just enjoying her, but then everything she did seemed to be a ‘SEN indicator’ on here and I was an anxious first time mum.

AIBU to just ask people to think a bit more carefully before suggesting it, and consider whether it’s really proportionate?

I’ve worded this as sensitively as I can and I hope it will be received as such…

and on a post I pointed out that it was the behaviour that the op needed hel;p with not the potential diagnosis, i was shouted down.

Sorry I quoted the wrong post previously. This is the one I thought displayed an ignorance about SEN.

OP took offence at me last night on another thread where the child was displaying very similar symptoms to my diagnosed son. I made a suggestion and she didn't like it. Trying to explain what the OP was describing compared to normal five year old chatter was lost unfortunately. My hope from that thread is that the OP took everybody's collective advice and experience and sought some help for herself as she was on her knees and I got it because I've been there and I'm still there. OP minimised it all 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well personally I think it's a good thing that a parent (usually mum but not always) can discuss their concerns on a public forum. It is often a parent who will notice something regarding their child's development and in real life well meaning family can be dismissive in a misguided attempt to be supportive. My dear friend cried when a professional finally took her concerns seriously after several months of raising it, with relief that she wasn't going mad and sadness that actually there was something needing investigation. I don't think this is unusual.

What pisses me off far more than people suggesting something could indicate SEN is when people clearly have absolutely no understanding or experience of SEN and then try to tell others what they should do in relation to it.

Looking at you OP.

If I saw someone panicking on here because their child only ate chicken nuggets and chips and people were saying it must be ASD based solely on that then I'd be setting them straight. But I have never seen that in however many years I've been on here.

I have however often seen people come on here panicking with concerns about a very young child that it could possibly be ASD and they get a lot of advice saying 'mine was like that it's fine' and others saying 'they're very young so try not to worry about it' and others saying 'watch and wait and just enjoy who they are'. It's often the OP panicking and others reassuring IME.

Where people do suggest possible SEN there are often a number of red flags and things that are quite specific to ASD such as wheel spinning, poor eye contact, hand flapping, sensory issues, lack of imaginative play etc.

DS was diagnosed at 10, the difference in social ability and emotional maturity often becomes much, much more obvious around this age in kids with Asperger's syndrome (as he was diagnosed with). We were told he would really struggle with secondary school (and he has socially) but he's got through it. There's no help or support though, the NHS said he'd struggle and offered nothing, his primary school did nothing, secondary school put in some access arrangements in exams years later. Unless their behaviour is very challenging there's very little - you can't even get a dyslexia diagnosis from the NHS.

So there's already 'no way' to support many of these kids so you don't have to worry about that being a huge problem in the future. They're already mostly ignored.

@Choconut exactly ! There is zero support given.

i used to feel like you 100%

then my son got major anxiety and things snowballed

you could have blown me over with a feather when the psychiatrist said autism

3 years down the line I’ve had to educate myself and my gods it’s been a steep learning curve

the issues is that ND is fucking major and majorly undiagnosed , and actually it’s most often behind this !

so I’m afraid yabu

i dont think you are going to change posters though op

i dont agree with just Autism posts

if you are going to make this suggestion then also suggest areas of support, websites. for example. imo

I’ve never once said that. I do weigh in however to reassure parents like yesterday’s panicked new mum.

i believe it is the suport that is the crux of the matter, not the diagnosis - particularly when you can wait 3+ years for a diagnosis - same with anything

Again, one of those threads where the votes and comments tell two different stories!

Unless you are a qualified professional who has met the child and reviewed any supporting evidence, you are not in a position to reassure parents that their children don't have autism.

Like others I recognised your username and I've seen your "reassurance", eg telling parents whose child is already on their pathway that perhaps they're just rude.

Gosh paraphrasing at its most extreme. That poster asked whether her kid’s behaviour was rudeness or related to ADHD. Most posters (including with diagnosed children) said just rudeness.

And I’ve never once said ‘your child doesn’t have autism’. Ever.

But don’t let that keep you from misrepresenting me for theatrical effect.

How much experience do you have in accessing support for a child before they receive a diagnosis? Was that successful for you?

You answered your own question. Like any part of the health service, patients are triaged. You were seen quickly because you were accessing the service following a trauma, which is seen as a higher priority (rightly), and the ADHD just happened to be picked up during assessment for that. I suspect if you had applied to the service requesting an ADHD assessment, you would have been waiting a very long time.

@DoggyDwelling can you please quote where I said ‘everybody wants a diagnosis’?

It's not paraphrasing at its most extreme. You are a parent who doesn't have the experience of having an ND child, yet for some reason you are drawn to autism threads like a moth to a flame ready to impart your wisdom.

I don't understand why you are so intent on batting away suggestions of looking into neurodiversity. What harm does it do for a parent with concerns over their child's behaviour to do some wider reading around it, and approach their HV or GP if necessary? Surely that's better than just labelling a potentially undiagnosed child as naughty or rude, not understanding how to deal with behaviours, and then it becoming apparent anyway years down the line. If it transpires that there's no neurodiversity, nothing has been lost.

Legally, if they have a life-long condition that affects them day to day, it IS a disability. ADHD is classed as a disability, If they have a diagnosis of Autism they have to have proved their autism impairs their ability significantly in 3 areas... so yes.. if they HAVE a diagnosis of ASD or Autism, then its classed as a Disability under the Equality Act.

That being said, it doesn't affect everyone the same and people are allowed to consider themselves disabled or not.

My 16yo has just been awarded enhanced rate on Pip for both living and mobility because of his ASD/ADHD and other associated co-morbid conditions.. at a glance he's like a normal teenager and can chat to you about gaming/youtube/memes all day long, he's got a sense of humour and is clearly intelligent.. but his issues affect him severely enough that he needs to attend special school, and needs 24/7 supervision.

If it transpires that there's no neurodiversity, nothing has been lost.

But we can’t pretend that neurodiversity is not sucking more and more ‘typical’ behaviours into its orbit of symptoms, hence why it’s suggested on almost every thread on here where a parent is worried about their kid’s behaviour for some reason. There are many threads, at least a few a week, by a panicked mum of a baby under 1 worried they’re autistic because they haven’t spoken yet, or haven’t waved, when they haven’t even reached the age for that milestone. We’re losing sight of what is normal behaviour for children and narrowing the stream of ‘acceptable normal’ until fewer and fewer children fit it.

I’m not at all unsympathetic to people with ASD or ADHD or anything else, but I’m surprised nobody seems to want to query why there has been an avalanche in diagnosis. And when you do, you’re instantly shut down and name called and have unpleasant views ascribed to you. If a third of children were suddenly diabetic, or depressed, or had bipolar we would want to know why. Why is this any different?

There has not been an "avalanche" of diagnosis. There is certainly quite a bit more than before, but that simply reflects severe under-diagnosis in the past. I suspect more of us who are older than, say, 40 (and even younger) can remember kids at school who were, with hindsight, clearly on the ASD and/or ADHD spectrum but who were never diagnosed and who suffered as a result.

I think it's very clear from the parenting boards that many people do appear to grasp at the sen label particularly when a teen is acting out : bring rude / in trouble at school. Invariably undiagnosed sen issues are always touted as the reason.
Sometimes some teens are just like that