To think menopause cannot be used as an excuse?

[Woodpeckerupatree]

Maybe this will be me in ten years’ time. Who knows? But my menopausal boss is driving me mad! There is so much at work to protect those going through the menopause, this policy, that policy etc. but what about us poor buggers working for someone who is menopausal? The constant forgetting things, forgetting she’s told us to do stuff, forgetting she’s told us not to do stuff and then being blamed for not doing whatever she remembers as right. It’s soul destroying. We used to get on well but now it’s like walking on egg shells. I can’t take much more! There’s also the coming in late constantly because she says she can’t sleep, leaving me and other underlings to cover above our grade… I could find another job but feel like I shouldn’t be forced out because of this!

My 30 something male colleague has had terrible brain fog and, exhaustion etc for best part of last year because of long covid. He took time off at the drop of a hat, then was signed off, and was then reintroduced into work.

He has received nothing but support and understanding.

One of my workers went private and she was tested properly and is also now on testosterone as well. She had a complete overhaul of her HRT which wasnt working for her. It was also about how it was delivered for her as well

@Woodpeckerupatree

You've had very good advice. Escalate it, report to HR. Do something.

I am also sick of hearing about the bloody menopause but it is real. Is there a way you can have a meeting with her and discuss the issues you describe. Sounds like she needs to seek medical intervention- unless she has been living under a rock lately she will have heard about HRT. I can say from personal experience it works and people need to take action when symptoms are negatively impacting their lives.

I'm also perimenopausal and sympathise but I agree it doesn't give the OPs boss free reign to be rude and nasty to her colleagues. She needs to take responsibility for herself but it is hard to know how the OP should deal with it. I would go above her head to HR personally as it sounds like the boss isn't going be receptive to a conversation.

As for HRT - I'd love to be on it as my anxiety/depression and mood swings are awful but I am going through endometriosis investigations and my consultant has said I can't take it until I have been diagnosed or not (unfortunately that will take time due to NHS waiting lists). It also isn't as simple as just popping a pill it can take time to get the hormone levels balanced.

I think it is a shame several women are making out that the menopause becoming a discussion point is a bad thing. It has been a lifeline for so many women who didn't understand what was happening to them and means that the medical profession are starting to look to train doctors better in menopause which is barely glanced at in medical degrees. Using it as a stick to beat women with? Maybe for some people but I hope the minority will learn something. Becoming educated in something that affects 50% of the population is not a bad thing.

have not RTFT. When it hits you, and concessions are made for you at work, i hope you give thanks to those of us who went before and fought for this.

Well that'd go down like a shit in a lift.

Can you imagine!?

Employee: hi boss, can we arrange a 1-2-1 to discuss your menopause please?
Manager: erm... no..?

Jesus Christ 😂

Maybe for some people but I hope the minority will learn something

That made no sense. I meant I hope the minority will use it against women! Hopefully everyone will learn something.

But that is not her boss's case. There is no concessions. There is only toxic environment

She needs to ask for help. I was same with brain fog and it’s very frustrating. Went to GP and got put on low dose citalopram and it’s worked wonders! Good luck in suggesting that though 😂

You write that and accuse OP of being nasty! OP and other colleagues are picking up the slack for this boss. For all you know, some of these colleagues could also be going through the menopause. What are they supposed to do?

Post again in 5-10 years.

Menopause can be hell.

Some of the responses on this thread explain why women don't feel able to raise issues like menopause or other stuff like mental health or long covid in the workplace.

Hell or no hell, you don't just create toxic work environment instead of working with management and others on reasonable adjustments.

When women pick other women apart for their performance at work that is due to a recognized female medical condition, we should realise that throughout history women have been the employees of really shifty male bosses who have absolutely no excuse for their disgraceful conduct.

Let's try really hard to overlook what we can and offer a little understanding to our fellow women. We'll all be where this woman is one day.

We'll all be in danger of being dismissed by some supercilious doctor who thinks women's medical problems aren't serious and she could always just go home and be a housewife if work is so difficult for her, the poor dear. She should go home to the kitchen, where she belongs.

It's disheartening to see women roll their eyes at policies designed to make the workplace an equal playing field. Clearly there are women here who take their rights for granted and ha e no idea at all how hard it was for woman to go to work in decades past.

Where is the word toxic in tbe OP's post?

Menopause can be hell.
But it doesn't give anyone the right to make her coworkers life a hell. This manager is better paid than these younger women whom she unfairly treats like toddlers, as OP said. So it's her responsibility to lead the team and be fair to them - by seeking treatment and trying to better organise her work schedule, not to punish these coworkers instead and blame it all on menopause. Menopause isn't a disability, and as OP noticed, the grumpiness and mood swings aren't that out of control, since she can suddenly become calm and nice when the big bosses show up.

Ask her to put things in writing to you and put anything you need to tell her in writing too. I found that very helpful when I was going through the menopause. I tried very hard to minimize the impact to others but with the best will in the world I did forget things at times. I think your post is horrible. Her behaviour is a temporary thing, it will settle down. You should hope people are nicer when and if it happens to you.

The menopause isn't great and it can be really shit for some women. I'm going through it at the moment, you cannot help how you feel and what you do and you don't even know you're doing odd things. Forgetfulness is awful- I feel like I'm going mad sometimes.

I was going to say the same thing. Sit down and say what you have said on here. Have a frank and honest chat about the effect it's having on the rest of the office. If you don't say she won't know and nothing will change.

It seems like it's not the forgetfulness that's hard for you but more the way she deals with it i.e her defensive behaviour.
I would probably try to have an overtly light hearted and compassionate attitude about the forgetfulness/ lateness and pick up some of the extra work that that involves which realistically is probably not that much. This might make her more able to admit errors and stop being shitty about it.
If not I would have a frank conversation with her and make it clear thay she's being horrid with very specific examples.

I have been through menopause and recognise all those symptoms - amnesia, brain fog and many more. However, I did not let it affect my job. I never turned up late due to lack of sleep, and because I was forgetful, I made a point of writing things down - plus, I now take HRT.

While I think it is essential that companies try to make some adjustments to help menopausal women (i.e. not have the frigging heating on so hot in the wintertime), there are things menopausal women can do to help themselves, such as highlighted above.

Can you ask her to put all work instructions in a quick email to avoid future confusion? Perhaps don't even mention menopause, but do give an example of where things haven't gone to plan e.g. it was my understanding you wanted 'x', but it seems that it was actually 'y' that was required. To make sure everyone gets what they need, it would really help me if you could put project requirements in an email.

Or can the team have a 10min briefing meeting at the start of each week to clarify priorities/tasks?

Whatever you do, don't mention menopause to her. Deal with the issues as work behaviour. If she brings up menopause, don't get involved; it's not for you to make allowances, that's between her and the employer.

Ah, human compassion is dead then.