To think menopause cannot be used as an excuse?

[Woodpeckerupatree]

Maybe this will be me in ten years’ time. Who knows? But my menopausal boss is driving me mad! There is so much at work to protect those going through the menopause, this policy, that policy etc. but what about us poor buggers working for someone who is menopausal? The constant forgetting things, forgetting she’s told us to do stuff, forgetting she’s told us not to do stuff and then being blamed for not doing whatever she remembers as right. It’s soul destroying. We used to get on well but now it’s like walking on egg shells. I can’t take much more! There’s also the coming in late constantly because she says she can’t sleep, leaving me and other underlings to cover above our grade… I could find another job but feel like I shouldn’t be forced out because of this!

I can see both sides to this. I'm peri menopausal and have had horrific anxiety and rages before my periods. However, I took it upon myself to get my hormones tested and am now on low dose progesterone which has helped a lot. I took action to fix it.

Ive also worked with two women who were menopausal and frankly, they made the work place a bitchy nightmare (and refused to do anything to help themselves even though they knew what was going on). They flew off into irrational rages, stormed out, lashed out at people for no reason, made cruel snappy comments when anyone tried to help and generally made the atmosphere at work virtually unbearable. It might not be their fault its happening but it IS their responsibility to seek help to address it. You cant use hormones as an excuse to make everyone else's life a misery.

What numerous menopause policies does your workplace have in place? Just curious as I don’t think we have any.

I'm grateful that more is known about it now but it's really becoming a 'thing' and I don't think it does women any favours - it's just another stick for the men to beat us with isn't it, something else that implies we cant cope.

I’ll probably get killed for saying this but I agree. It is great that people are able to talk openly….

But as a perimenopausal woman by God I am bored of talking about it.

I go out to dinner or drinks with friends and it’s literally the only topic of conversation.

And yes I worry that it will just become another excuse for men to tell us we are slaves to our hormones. It’s getting beyond tedious.

@LadyWithLapdog - it’s a newish thing but there are menopause workshops at the moment for managers, menopause workshops for colleagues, menopause workshops for men so they can understand better… I work somewhere quite liberal, I suppose?

Why would she offer her senior, higher paid colleague solutions and help?

If this lady can't do her job to full competence then she should be working with her own bosses to find solutions.

I'm menopausal myself but I wouldn't dream of mentioning it to colleagues unless I absolutely had to. Do we really want this shift towards menopause as everyone's problem? Women over 48 will become an employment liability.

@PAFMO I agree. It's the new "buzz word " for any woman over 45 and if people prone to flakiness, memory loss, rudeness etc etc start screaming peri every 5 minutes it makes a mockery of women genuinely struggling.
I think making things like periods, pregnancy and menopause a big deal merely sets feminism back 70 years! Like a pp said it only serves to give men another stick to beat us with.

Ok, workshops. You said policies, I thought there was some actual help that you were resentful about, although I don’t know what kind of things would be helpful. Though workshops to improve understanding may be a start.

The constant forgetting things, forgetting she’s told us to do stuff, forgetting she’s told us not to do stuff and then being blamed for not doing whatever she remembers as right. It’s soul destroying.

I have worked for men who have been exactly like this, at least your boss has a valid reason behind it. But you should not have to suffer because of it.

But I do sympathise, I once worked with a colleague going through IVF, and that produced some wild mood swings.

Policies too. I can’t link them here as they’re on the intranet (plus would be outing) but believe me, every one of those workshops has a bloody policy behind it!

Talk to me again when you've been through the menopause. I was godzilla. Thank God its over 😂

So much for solidarity.
So you want her to pretend to play the "I'm ok, everything is fine" game because that's what's better for you and thats how women are meant to behave.
Hope you get the same understanding and support when it's your turn.

Correct. The menopause is too often used as an excuse for all sorts of things. And I say this as a menopausal female!

Well of course you are, because if you had had truly challenging menopause symptoms affecting your ability to function at work you wouldn’t be writing this bollocks

Get out of the kitchen my arse

YANBU
The idea that everything is down to menopause for older women is stupid. Some are just rude. Some are just lazy at work. Some stopped giving a shit. It doesn’t mean it’s always acceptable because ‘peri’.
Women who are seriously suffering with their symptoms should medicate via their GP.
But in terms of it affecting work, or being rude to their coworkers and putting them on edge, it isn’t acceptable.
No one thinks it’s reasonable to be late because you have kids and are tired, or do less work because of mental health issues.

Agree - total cringe suggestion.

I would be absolutely mortified if menopause workshops or policies happened at my workplace. It's a personal health issue the same as any other to be dealt with on a case by case basis with sensitivity and discretion by employers. Not everyone has the same experience or symptoms and the last thing women need is to be undermined by sneering colleagues who will assume they are not capable just because they are a certain age.

OMG. This is so so wrong!

Just because someone is going through the menopause/ pregnancy/ family issues/ chemotherapy/ divorce/ whatever, doesn't mean you can shirk your responsibilities, expect others to cover for you under the guise of "solidarity" or "compassion" or (worst) "kindness". You can expect others to give you the benefit of the doubt, to understand where you're coming from. But you absolutely CANNOT expect them to pay the price for your moodiness or disrespectful attitude or forgetfulness.

Greater awareness of the menopause is a good thing for helping men and women alike understand what's going on at the opposite end to puberty. But that's it. It's not a get out of jail free card.

Perhaps familiarise yourself with the ACAS guidance before you write this bollocks

Come back to us in a few years......

Oh the irony of claiming the more talk of menopause will be used by men to beat women with a stick over while women are here beating some poor woman with a figurative stick because of her menopause symptoms.

ita clear that most respondents have either never been through peri/menopause or sailed through it.

The Boss shouldn’t be making peoples lives hell but the staff ought to have some kindness and compassion because one day it will be your turn and you can only keep your fingers crossed that you’re one of the lucky ones who go symptom free.

100% this.

I'm mid-meno, it's rubbish, it's very definitely impacting how I feel and react, but it's a bullshit excuse to use to bully people or make the workplace unpleasant.

Go to HR, your boss needs to rethink her life management if menopause has made her this out off control.

FWIW I am peri and I have colleagues who have suffered dreadful anxiety and brain fog so I am aware and supportive without any need for a workplace workshop thank you.

Greater awareness of the menopause is a good thing for helping men and women alike understand what's going on at the opposite end to puberty. But that's it. It's not a get out of jail free card.
I agree with this totally (I am a menopausal 50 something).
My concern is it will be used as another reason not to employ those hormonal, irrational women.
I do have menopause symptoms. I am managing them.
If I was really struggling with my work due to menopause symptoms, I would speak to my manager and ask for support in how to adjust my work situation to account for it. The same as if I had any other illness or personal matter that was affecting my work. That’s the professional thing to do - not just carry on regardless expecting everyone else to pick up the slack.

(Also I did watch the Davina McCall menopause programme and was a bit underwhelmed.)

Oh crikey, are you one of my workers?

Policies dont actually do anything you know, we have a menopause policy, it doesnt stop me completely muddling peoples names up, cases up, forgetting decisions I made or directions I gave.

I always apologise and take responsibility if Ive caused confusion. Dont know what else I can do at the moment?