To think menopause cannot be used as an excuse?

[Woodpeckerupatree]

Maybe this will be me in ten years’ time. Who knows? But my menopausal boss is driving me mad! There is so much at work to protect those going through the menopause, this policy, that policy etc. but what about us poor buggers working for someone who is menopausal? The constant forgetting things, forgetting she’s told us to do stuff, forgetting she’s told us not to do stuff and then being blamed for not doing whatever she remembers as right. It’s soul destroying. We used to get on well but now it’s like walking on egg shells. I can’t take much more! There’s also the coming in late constantly because she says she can’t sleep, leaving me and other underlings to cover above our grade… I could find another job but feel like I shouldn’t be forced out because of this!

I think that’s a little unfair. I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time of it, that sounds really tough, but it does sound like the OP has sympathy for her bosses situation. You can be empathetic and understanding without being willing to be treated poorly because of it

If you were treating someone badly because of your menopause would you expect them to grin and bear it because they might go through similar?

This is it exactly and I cant afford to go private, the charges some of these private clinics charge are out of my range

OP, why don't you speak to her (do you have 1-1s?) and tell her gently that her moods and exhaustion and forgetfulness are impacting the whole team - and perhaps she should look to seek HRT? Would you or someone else on the team be close enough to her to have that chat?

That's not appropriate. It's not for OP to counsel her boss & offer medical advice. She's hardly likely to take it well and say 'you know what? You're absolutely right! I'll phone my GP first thing'.

Like PP have said, it's really not as simple as 'get HRT'. Neither is it a wonder cure-all solution.

This is all so sad to read. Menopause section of MN is good.

Many posters making assumptions of others posters, that they haven't had menopause problems themselves. You don't know that. Assumption.

@bellac11 Like you, I wasn't even asking for HRT, I just wanted to know what my levels were, if it was definitely the menopause and not something else. She didn't even suggest anything else non hormonal that might help. That was 6 years ago, I'm still getting regularish periods (damn it). What really annoys me though is my mother was through all of it by the time she was 50!

@bellac11
Then at least inform yourself, get the facts, approach another Gp.

"i hope you get a right fucking time of it ."

What a fucking nasty thing to say to someone.

@EasterIsland

Equally nasty. What have you done about it? What is your GP saying?

I think employers had to start taking it seriously after the employment tribunals started rising.

I worked for a manager who was really struggling. I'm disabled and have had brain fog since my 20s and conditions that don't get along with hormone levels changing. I just treated her the same way I'd hope people would me tbh. I'm not sure what she made of me telling her my slightly mad ways of managing brain fog though 😂

Slightly concerned I'll end up with double brain fog in a few years.

👏👏👏
said it far better than I could

I find it concerning that women trust a TV presenter more than a doctor

Many of the celebrities and media types who have spoken out or made programmes about the menopause do know more than a doctor. You only need to read one or two threads on the meno board to read about women who have been fobbed off with antidepressants for years, or told it's all in their mind, or that they're too old/young for menopause, or like my GP that all I need to sort out my suicidal tendencies was some folic acid.

Two words for you. ACAS guidance.

Employers should be prepared to make changes to allow women to continue to work; and
take into consideration any performance issues which might be because of menopause symptoms.

Or they could just order them out of the kitchen of course.

What do you mean, another GP? I cant just change GP surgeries, they wont allocate you another GP if you're already registered

And what do you mean 'get the facts' and inform yourself, I have been doing this but without GP support to test my levels to inform me of what I need, I cant do any more.

I got the impression that the boss was open about being peri menopausal, hence my suggestion. Whatever about suggesting hrt, someone needs to let her know that people on her team are considering leaving because of her symptoms impacting on them.

What do you mean, another GP? I cant just change GP surgeries, they wont allocate you another GP if you're already registered

You absolutely can! www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/gps/how-to-register-with-a-gp-surgery/ (assuming you are in England).

You just need to find another local practice to take you on.

@bellac11
There is only 1 GP at your surgery? No other GP's at all? That you can speak to? Can you ask for a referral to the hospital for Menopause clinic? Read the NICE guidelines, so when GP says something you can say "does that match the NICE guidelines"?

And going off topic slightly @bellac11 - testing for hormone levels in women aged over 45 is not recommended by NICE. Diagnosis is symptom based. If you are over 45 and having menopausal symptoms then you are in peri/menopause. They do not need a blood test to confirm that. Having said that, your situation is complex and your GP should be referring you to a specialist menopause clinic where an expert can take you through your options and give the benefits and drawbacks of each.

The menopause matters forum is great for advice, or the forums on here.

There are no other surgeries around here with space, and one has just closed the other week, I know from clients I work with that you cant register or force a registration with another one if you are already registered. Surgeries also wont take you on if you're not in their area.

@Bellac No one wad suggesting that you change GP surgeries that's not what I was saying at all so please don't misquote me.

You should be able to ask for a blood test, and you should be able to ask for things to be investigated, and if you're not getting that you need to make a complaint to the practice manager .

It really is that simple.

@bellac11

How many GP's at your surgery?

Wow - interesting that raising this has caused people to wish menopausal hell upon me 🤣 I am being understanding for the hard of thinking on here, but I’m also not prepared to put up with being treated like shit long term because ‘menopause’. The one thing I have said to my boss is that she regularly forgets things, and forgets who she’s told what, and this can cause a lot of confusion (we’re either told 3 times or not at all, and then told off for not being psychic). She tried to say she wasn’t forgetful! As I said earlier, she mentions that her family say she’s a menopausal nightmare, but she almost treats that as a badge of honour, jokes about it and finishes off with - I’m not that bad! But she is! She really really is!

To all the naysayers, I am not trying to do down her very real symptoms. I am trying to cope with an increasing hostile working environment because of those symptoms and side effects though. It’s not nice at all.

Yes, thank you. I started a thread on here but theres obviously not a lot of people with the same issue as me, a lot of women report their migraines are worse in peri menopause,, mine have vanished and I dont want them back

I also havent had so far the traditional symptoms like hot flushes, but I am very tired and flat, lots of vertigo, brain fog, a little bit of insomnia but not too much.

I didnt want testing to prove Im in peri, I want to know what Im lacking and how to manage it. My GPs (only 2 at the surgery) are husband and wife, neither have responded to me asking questions about what I need.

The doctors are correct, theres no point testing your oestrogen levels as they go uo, down and round the houses in peri, you could have 2 months of normal, a wild high month, a normal, a v low theres no pattern to it. If you are in age bracket with no other explanation for your symptoms hrt is prescribed. There also isnt a set number you need to reach, you need the right amount to make you feel/function better. Progesterone does have a standard dosing as its a safety requirement first and foremost to avoid womb lining buildup but the standard dose is tweakable.
Basically start on the lowest dose of oestrogen and standard progesterone (which could be the coil if you use it) and go from there.

@bellac11

You need to be firm re what you want. You are being failed. But, Maybe start a new thread in menopause because to hog op's thread is unfair on her.