AIBU to not discuss my life story at work?

[HangryBerd]

My work is conducting training which tells us that we need to share our life stories, disclose what makes us "us", be vulnerable, share our emotions. If we don't, we are told that we're being anti-inclusion. My colleagues and manager are therefore having a go at me for being too private.

I'm finding this really upsetting as I'll chat to anyone about many things but there are aspects that are very difficult to talk about. They're nothing to do with work and quite frankly nobody else's business.

AIBU to stand my ground?

My parents and only sibling are dead and I don’t have any children. I would leave a job before I would tell people that in a group setting. YANBU

Tbh, I've been on leadership courses and they can be amazing if you do jump right in and have some vulnerability. I assume everyone else will be doing the same and it's a trusted space

‘The NDA prevents me from discussing it’

No thanks. Work is money. My life is outside it.

When I was younger, I would have agonised over this. I would have hated it, but I would have participated, and would have loathed every second - I'm really private and hate talking about myself.

Now? I'd just say that I'm not doing it. I wouldn't give a toss what they thought about it. I'd be perfectly polite about it, but not give one single fucking inch.

Tbh, women frequently have enough to deal with in the workplace, in my view. Encouraging women in particular to 'be more vulnerable' sounds really fucking stupid, imo.

Personally I'd tell them that they were not being trauma aware, and thus triggering me.

I've done this over the years with both sexes. Have you ever done anything like this? That's the point, when everyone shares something it opens up a space. Don't knock it until you try it. I've done this twice, and found it quite life changing.

I'm glad it worked for you, and others. No, I haven't tried it, and wouldn't. I think using a workspace for pseudo-psychological 'sharing' is a really bad idea.

I think encouraging - pressuring - women to 'show their vulnerability,' particularly young women in the workplace is catastrophically bad advice. It is unlikely to be a 'safe' space for people to do this.

I don't blame you I had an abusive childhood that I don't even discuss with my nearest and dearest. Only spoken about it with a councillor and police. What I wouldn't want is pity or other work colleagues thinking they're being soft on me because of my shitty childhood.

It might open a space but there's no guarantee that would be a "safe space".

I know for a fact 2 or 3 employees would use any known knowledge of vulnerability to bully/gossip/take advantage of other the staff.

Like fuck am I showing any vulnerability to those people. I wouldn't even piss on them if they were on fire.

Really intrusive, illegal and immoral. Don't share your private life with anyone but close friends.

This has nothing to do with inclusion and everything to do with intrusion.

In your shoes I'd sit in the room while the sessions are going on and give very non-committal answers to any questions. As people have said there will be others who will love talking about their lives so I doubt anyone will be worried about you.

Personally, I would not lie or make things up.

Maybe you could look up grey rock and use of the techniques there of not being very interesting. www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock

Or speak to HR and just say you'd rather be working.

This sounds awful. Intrusive. I would not budge and have a read of this from the TUC. .

Ottil I completely agree...

"I think encouraging - pressuring - women to 'show their vulnerability,' particularly young women in the workplace is catastrophically bad advice. It is unlikely to be a 'safe' space for people to do this."

People would think my frankly bizarre life experiences were made up. Aside from that I see no worth whatsoever in this as a training exercise.

I agree with @Piffpaffpoff - say what makes you you is your sense of privacy and leave it there. You could add you prefer tea to coffee, milk no sugar, and currently are avoiding biscuits but if pushed ginger nuts are your weakness: this was my say something about yourself opener for staff training courses.

YANBU.

It’s none of their business. If you wanna keep your business private, you’ve every right to. Ugh I’d tell them to go do one!

That's what I thought too. I would be sorely tempted!

If you were part of a witness protection programme - what then? Just refuse, not sharing your private life is not a sackable offence

You have actually relocated to your favourite place abroad, without telling your employer

You are a hologram

They can try to guess where you are in the world. Here is where you insert an interesting to you place

That's terrible

Just say you prefer not to share and if they continue to pressure you that you will make a formal complaint of harassment, bullying and invasion of privacy.

Then again you could insert yourself into the plot of a favourite novel and tell them the story.

“While working as the companion to a rich American woman on holiday in Monte Carlo, I became acquainted with a wealthy Englishman named Maxim, a widower, whom, after a whirlwind romance I married. After the wedding and the money moon he took me to his mansion in Cornwall. Manderley it was called, and it was there that I met his housekeeper, Mrs Danvers.”

etc. etc. Just film it on your phone and post it somewhere so we can all see it.

Honestly, I would simply state that as an introvert the concept of sharing your private, inner self with colleagues has the potential to give you PTSD and you would like to be excused from this exercise. If they push this further, get a medical certificate and report to ACAS for bullying, and multiple GDPR breaches.