For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

DH could not earn enough money for me to give up my career and become a SAHM. I absolutely love my job, and no amount of voluntary work, homemaking or relaxation could make up for the professional fulfilment I’ve enjoyed.

DH is a partner in a magic circle law firm, so is extremely well paid. And guess what? He managed to get there all by his little self without a SAH wife behind the scenes taking care of every last detail of the domestic arrangements. Because contrary to some narratives, successful men can multi-task, care for children and still step up professionally. And now he’s supporting and speaking up for the next generation in his firm who are doing the same. We’ve worked as a team and supported each other in our careers. He really has gone above and beyond to support me, even though my earnings are much less than his. It has been tough at times, and really hectic, and yes, we’ve had loads of paid help. But we enjoy a fantastic work-life balance, a very comfortable financial situation, a happy, equal marriage and we have both enjoyed having a chance to parent our lovely children. I’m so glad I didn’t jump career ship when DH got 500k, 750k or whatever,

What do you want, a trophy?

I earn £120k husband £80k he’d need to be on £250k+ to keep the children in their schools. but I would never not work. I love my job, I took 3years out with my 3rd child and it was a big nope for me being at home, I found I looked at the clock all the time!

@mollynolly why the unnecessary message? @TwoMagnificentLabradors was just sharing her experience and thoughts on the thread. A lot of people have questioned (often in a judgemental way) why someone would not want to be a SAHM even if their financial situation allowed it.

I think @4thonthe4th is spot on with the fact that it's ONLY women talk about jobs like somewhere to intereract with others, it's interesting etc. No man I know says he chooses to work to meet other people of feel fulfilled.

Does anyone ever actually ask men why they choose to work though?
Nobody has ever asked my DH his motivations for choosing to work now that he has a family.

I've been asked multiple times!

Yes - I’m a bit 🤔 whenever people claim that their husband could not have got anywhere in his career without a SAHwife doing all the housework. TBH it sounds like something people say to make themselves feel better/justify themselves. My parents both worked full-time and both managed to do very well in their careers. I’m sure men are capable of hiring a nanny or cleaner!

Nah, I’m the most appalling shirker much of the time, but I’ve been fortunate in finding the right profession and partner. I can think of very many other people who deserve a wife, mother or professional trophy ahead of me.

@mollynolly

When we decided (before we had children) that I would stay home with our children it was not ever about the money. It was about who we wanted to raise our children - and we both agreed it would be me. My husband worked very hard so that would be possible and was very financially savvy (he was a money mover and saver). By the time our children were both at school we were able to continue on the same route where I was always available for whatever they needed. Throughout my husband’s working life as our sole provider he worked hard and climbed the promotion ladder. We have been able to do all we wanted to do together and with our children. It was definitely a lifestyle choice rather than a financial one.

We could probs manage with DP earning about £45k as we have a very small mortgage and only one child and would obviously have no childcare costs but I’d probably give my car up so have no car some days when DP had to go into the office and there would be no holidays maybe just camping. to be honest it wouldn’t be the worst but I want to progress in my career as I worked hard for my quals

@whizzielizzie your post seems to imply that if your kids access childcare you’re somehow not raising them? Confused. What is school then?!

This thread reminds me of my brother and SIL who on a joint income of about £160,000 in the north, claimed that they were once too skint to contribute £40 to an anniversary gift for our parents🤣

No offence cos i know its your brother, but OMG what a pair of tightarses!

I'm mortified for them

Do parents who use childcare not raise their own children?

Are working dad's not raising their children?

Bizarre comment....

Not at all. Of course parents who use child care raise their children. My point was really that we didn’t work out how much we needed to live on but rather how we wanted to live. (What roles we would both fill)
We made the choice (for our family)that I would stay home.

I earn over £150k to enable my dh to be a SAHD and us to keep lifestyle of a few holidays and meals out

Honestly don't know how most people manage with only one earning

Bloody good job we live in the midlands and not south!

I'm just about to become a SAHP, due to multiple reasons, but mostly chronic illness making me an unreliable employee, and having two amazing children, who I very sadly don't have the energy for. My husband earns around £30k, and we could get by quite easily on just his wage, but we live in the north west and our mortgage is only around £300 pm. We do get a small amount of Universal Credit. Currently, my PT earnings are not much more than the cost of nursery for my youngest.

We definitely have room to cut back if required.

I had an extended break from work previously, due to ill health, and my husband was in a lower-paid role, but we only had one child then. We got by quite well.

I do hope that I will be able to return to employment one day, but after a lot of soul searching, I do feel this is best for us in our current situation.

I was a stay at home mum for nearly eight years. Mainly because if I had continued to work, the cost of childcare would have taken all my salary so we wouldn’t have been any better off. Our lifestyle didn’t actually change that much tbh. My husband earns a decent wage, not huge though. But we are in Scotland and have a relatively small mortgage on our 4 bedroom house.

@jackstini Gosh I live in the south and could manage on 150k very easily. Its more than 4 x what we do live on 🤣.

I dont know all my friends ds exact salaries but as a group of teachers, OTs, nurses, police, and mostly p/t working muns.... I very much doubt any of us have that as their household income!

Mumsnet is a whole other world. I should know that by now!

I'd have gone mad being a SAHM. I worked, not happily, there's no pleasing me 🙄. I've 2 adult kids, middle age, DS will be 52 on the 28th. I can't believe it. I remember the day he was born. Any case we never earned a lot. Just enough to cover every thing. Then I got divorced and money went through my fingers like water. I ended up with a massive overdraft of roughly £15,000 and had to take loans to cover it. Luckily I worked for a bank so loans were low rates. When I was 58 I was asked by the bank if I'd like to stop work with 300% compensation. Oh yes. I also got dole money as it was as if I'd been fired. I was lectured by my ex and my DS about my spending and my cleaning woman helped curb me. I've no overdraft and don't know what I would do if I had one.
DS would have to come to my aid. He would too. DD wouldn't be able to help financially but I'd get her support. I'm now 78. Not in particularly good health but I'm okay 🙂.

The only topic that loves to be discussed in a million different ways in this forum.

I’ve just gone back to work full time (DD2 is 11 months, DD1 is 3) because we cannot afford to live on one income (combined household is about £100k) with a large mortgage and double nursery. We struggle. I think the salaries mentioned here are completely made up. I work in the city for an investment bank and even there it’s not common for £200k plus from one earner. Crazy.

And yet so many on lower jncomes can't afford to continue to work and pay childcare...

To be able to afford to carry on working is a gift in itself.

Dreams of 100k income isn't going to happen!

I don't knit and I don't read.
Yes I am a traditional wife because that's my culture. I cook and clean and when I have children I will raise them. My culture isn't a link and that's just offensive to be honest.