For me to be a SAHM my DH would have to earn.....

[CPHB2021]

Following on from a thread of 'if you knew all would be ok, I would...' and a resounding about said 'leave work and be a SAHP' I would absolutely LOVE to do this and by scraping the barrel, we probably could but we'd have little to no disposable income. I would only leave if I was able to still take my children to do things, meet friends for coffee etc. Go abroad once a year still. Have some money in savings. I often wonder HOW some of the mums at school don't work, we are technically 'above average' income which seem LUDICROUS given that we use almost all of it, every month! We live in the SE and I think our outgoings must be quite high! How much would one person have to earn for you to leave work?

See, I come from an ex-Soviet country so every single women in my family has worked full-time. I don’t have any female friends that don’t work. When I’ve had periods of unemployment it’s been incredibly lonely as everyone I know is working!

I would never want to rely on any man, my dad cheated on my mum while she was on mat leave! Why leave yourself vulnerable? I genuinely see being able to support yourself a life skill like cooking or swimming, and it’s very risky to rely on someone else to do it for you. They could die, cheat, leave, get cancer and be unable to work. Then what will you do?

I haven't worked for 7 years

Income varies we used to have about 100k between us when I was 21 and before kids a year
His income has increased but I don't earn anything
I do get worried about money but we have never been without

Go out and away a lot but we home swap for holidays a lot of the time

I would say income is approx 150 k in our house with the money I also get from my parents or him from his

We are fine but not thriving

It's a price we choose to pay for me to be here with the kids. My parents worked constantly and I wanted them around.. I've got attachment problems and don't want the kids to feel like I do

It's flying by and I will go to work once youngest (10 mo) is at school

Surely you have life and critical illness cover on the working spouse? That's what we did anyway.

The cheating and leaving are fair points but if you're married you are protected to some extent.

I'm perfectly capable of working should I wish to, I worked before I was married.

I would never be left with nothing, that's not the way of our culture.

Yes but I still wouldn’t want to live off an insurance payout (unless I was physically unable to work myself), my career is something that brings me a lot of self-esteem and enjoyment. I also don’t think it’s fair to put all the earning onto one person - it’s a lot of pressure and could build resentment.

“Men aren't expected justify wanting to work, so they don't.”

This!!!!

For our lifestyle not to change 317k...

Not my assumption at all- I certainly don't work as hard as any NHS staff, other boots on the ground, and probably oodles of other roles which are far too many for me to take into account. I mentioned working hard in respect of my DH's specific circumstances which I didn't delve into as it was a general comment.

For him to progress, he would need to undertake a professional qualification. This would be on top of his day job, so for all purposes that is working harder as his workload would inevitably increase. He doesn't want to do that, which is absolutely fine. I don't see anything wrong with people not wanting to progress up the career ladder if that is what they want to do.

I don't endorse the low salary = not hard work narrative especially with many members of my family working for the NHS and the care community.

Plastic and reconstructive surgeon

But the range would be huge depending where you are and your lifestyle. For Londoners I would stay at least 200K monthly to even start thinking comfortable...

Yes, exactly. I like my job and would like the next level up, but any further levels up would involve loads of stress and overtime which I don’t want. My husband is the same, happy where he is, could go 1 level up but not any more. If once of us were to stay at home the other would probably feel pressure to be promoted more and work more than we want. Either that or cut back on lifestyle, which we don’t want either.

If one person is super ambitious and wants to work all hours under the sun while the other hates working, then maybe, but we’re both pretty similar in our outlook and work ethic! Probably why we were attracted to each other in the workplace. If he was a “work 80 hours a week in investment banking” kind of guy I would have given him a sharp swerve at the dating stage as I don’t like workaholism.

Does a CV gap of 11 years worry you? What was your industry?

I honestly don’t know how families with multiple children run on a single salary of 25-35k. I’m not mocking or belittling, just baffled.

Me too!

SAHwife? Don't you mean unemployed?

(If you are disabled and can't work then I apologise.)

@kc431 yes but once mortgage is paid off there is less need to earn X amount every month. That's all that would concern me.

My husband wanted me to be a SAHM so theres no resentment there. Both our mums were SAHMs and then housewives (both with 40 odd year marriages behind them now) so we saw the benefit of having one SAHP.

The liking your job is different and its fair enough if you want to work.

I completely agree with this. Sadly being a SAHM is neither financially viable or sensible.

However, to answer the OP’s original question I would need my partner to earn about £200k so that I could continue to pay into my pensions and maintain my current quality of life.

Exactly this. You’re unemployed.

Also, why don’t you know what your husband earns? That’s odd.

Do you have your own income and do you pay into your own pension? If not, you are in an incredibly precarious position.

If some can't manage on some of the salaries quoted might I suggest some money management lessons? Jesus.

DH was a SAHP when I was on about £35k (in London, renting). It was pretty miserable and he couldn't do much. Got a bit easier when we realised we were eligible for UC. Household income is now around £52-55 so that's what one of us would need to be earning for the other to be a SAHP relatively comfortably (no holidays or big savings but enough for activities, days out, train fares, the odd haircut for the kids).

If it’s the poster I think, who frequently tries to boast talks about being a wife who doesn’t work, she knits and reads and sees friends and things. I think there might be some ADHD or something. It’s all a bit trad-wife sounding I think, including the weird kink.

If you’re not that poster, apologies.

Hahaha, baffles me too. The luxurious lifestyle people must live.

I do understand what you mean, but equally, to live our ( by no means lavish lifestyle ) and to have some future security, we would really need to take home net £60-65k. It seems a lot but it's literally the amount to cover our mortgage, bills, a decent quality food shop per week, one hobby for DC and one holiday ( not in school holidays ) we manage our money very carefully but sadly, the cost of living is so high now. I think 5 years ago, we could have easily survived on £40k.

And it might be worth remembering that a £65K household income will see you needing to contribute around £450 a month to your adult child if they choose to go to uni. So if you are still paying off your mortgage at that point ...

What has his qualifications got to do with a “standard nurse or teacher”?! I’m guessing he couldn’t do their jobs either if he didn’t train as either…