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AIBU?

Cosmetic surgery DOES affect others

530 replies

EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:08

I'm sick of reading people who defend others cosmetic surgery/procedures with;

"it's their body, they can do as they please"

"Each to their own"

"If it makes them feel happier then what's the harm?"

The harm is, that it sets a ridiculous standard that most (usually young women) can't meet naturally and therefore feel pressured to undergo changes to their body to look "good".

It's not a personal decision, because collectively, it's impacting society norms and pressures on people.

I'm not talking about those that truly help people with abnormally different features. I totally get why someone with ears that grow out at 90° may want them pinned back. Or someone with a huge nose may want to reduce it to a more "normal" size. I still hope they'd feel fine in their own skin but get why the majority of people may struggle with largely unusual features.

But I am actually angry sometimes at those that "enhance" normal looks. Lip fillers, tattoo makeup on eyebrows, lips, boob jobs. It seems to me that the majority of women who have these procedures have very normal features before having them and it's just really sad that they feel they need to undergo them to feel ok.

Lip fillers are the worst for me. It's affordable and easy to arrange. I fear my daughter will grow up thinking her lips aren't big enough (if her parents' are anything to go by anyway) because every other person seems to have massive lips and to look beautiful she'll need to pump her face with crap.

When do we say, enough is enough, we don't want the next generation living like this?!

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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QueefQueen80s · 18/01/2023 17:14

I completely agree. I'm now feeling the pressure to have botox because so many women my age have it, but I've always said I don't want it. I still don't want it but feel I may cave!

It's a collective pressure and it feels like the trend will never go the other way. So it's just gonna get worse. More enhancements.

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BeachesDiary · 18/01/2023 17:21

I fear my daughter will grow up thinking her lips aren't big enough (if her parents' are anything to go by anyway) because every other person seems to have massive lips and to look beautiful she'll need to pump her face with crap. But most of the time they don't look beautiful, they just look like they've had work done. I've seen some pretty freaky looking trout pouts on otherwise attractive young women around here lately. It's very sad.

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EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:27

BeachesDiary · 18/01/2023 17:21

I fear my daughter will grow up thinking her lips aren't big enough (if her parents' are anything to go by anyway) because every other person seems to have massive lips and to look beautiful she'll need to pump her face with crap. But most of the time they don't look beautiful, they just look like they've had work done. I've seen some pretty freaky looking trout pouts on otherwise attractive young women around here lately. It's very sad.

I totally agree that they usually look fake and ridiculous (to me). But I fear we're the minority given the uptake in it, especially amongst young women.

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Dacadactyl · 18/01/2023 17:29

I think bringing kids up with healthy self esteem and finding things they're good at is key here.

I'd also restrict access to most social media and point out that filters, surgery, fillers, botox etc have been used on this celebrity to make them look that way.

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QueefQueen80s · 18/01/2023 17:33

Yes it doesn't look beautiful, it looks awful in real life. Shiny faces and bulbous fish lips and cat eyes with swollen filled cheeks. But they love it as it can look good on an instagram filter.
The whole trend is so harmful to our young ones especially.

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W0tnow · 18/01/2023 17:34

I agree.

I have never had, or ever will have Botox. I am naturally grey, and make the best of what I have. I think I pretty much look the best I can, with what I have. I’ll admit to a bit of vanity. It’s all very well to say bring kids up with good self esteem, and set an example. But she times I feel I just can’t compete with the juggernaut that is peer pressure, impossible celeb standards, and social media lies.

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EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:34

Dacadactyl · 18/01/2023 17:29

I think bringing kids up with healthy self esteem and finding things they're good at is key here.

I'd also restrict access to most social media and point out that filters, surgery, fillers, botox etc have been used on this celebrity to make them look that way.

They're good approaches.

But my post was really about the ethics of allowing this to happen. Shouldn't the government protect people and, knowing pumping chemicals into your body so unnecessarily isn't a good thing for society, and that the use of these things us getting to be very mainstream, ban it? Or put stricter regulations around it?

I don't know. Like Botox, it has a place for certain people with medical conditions but for the average person, why is it even available?! Same with lip fillers, they are harmful on so many levels (more in terms of the social harm and pressure to conform than physical harm maybe) so why can any Tom, Dick or Harry provide it or receive it?

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Funkypickle · 18/01/2023 17:36

I don't agree at all. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all that.

I have had semi permanent make up done and I love it. Its been done as a natural enhancement and has saved me time, money and cut down my carbon foot print as I use a lot less make up and it lasts longer and I'm not ditching as much plastic.

I will get lip fillers and possibly botox as well. It can be done simply and beautifully. Just because you get a certain amount of filler for the price doesn't mean you have to use all of it. Finding a good practitioner is key.

I do however agree, that social media has taken things too far in a lot of cases. But, I do feel that it's perfectly reasonable to use/have enhancements and they shouldn't be available to under 18s.

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mbosnz · 18/01/2023 17:37

At what point should we take personal responsibility for researching the potentially harmful effects of an elective procedure that is legal, rather than the government banning it for everyone? At what point do we stop? Eye lash tinting? Fake tanning? Hair removal?

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Liorae · 18/01/2023 17:37

EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:08

I'm sick of reading people who defend others cosmetic surgery/procedures with;

"it's their body, they can do as they please"

"Each to their own"

"If it makes them feel happier then what's the harm?"

The harm is, that it sets a ridiculous standard that most (usually young women) can't meet naturally and therefore feel pressured to undergo changes to their body to look "good".

It's not a personal decision, because collectively, it's impacting society norms and pressures on people.

I'm not talking about those that truly help people with abnormally different features. I totally get why someone with ears that grow out at 90° may want them pinned back. Or someone with a huge nose may want to reduce it to a more "normal" size. I still hope they'd feel fine in their own skin but get why the majority of people may struggle with largely unusual features.

But I am actually angry sometimes at those that "enhance" normal looks. Lip fillers, tattoo makeup on eyebrows, lips, boob jobs. It seems to me that the majority of women who have these procedures have very normal features before having them and it's just really sad that they feel they need to undergo them to feel ok.

Lip fillers are the worst for me. It's affordable and easy to arrange. I fear my daughter will grow up thinking her lips aren't big enough (if her parents' are anything to go by anyway) because every other person seems to have massive lips and to look beautiful she'll need to pump her face with crap.

When do we say, enough is enough, we don't want the next generation living like this?!

By the time your daughter grows up, the big lips fade will probably be long over. Just as eyebrow fashions and hairstyles change. I predict a return to a more natural look soon, as a backlash to the current "fake everything" look.

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Wifflywafflywoo · 18/01/2023 17:37

I've had my eyebrows tattooed on and lip fillers. Lips I've been getting done for about ten years (0.5ml every year), eyebrows about five years. Both look so natural that I have to prove to people that they're fake.

They make me feel so much better, I rarely ever wear makeup and I still look very normal. I don't feel that I negatively impact others with my face but I would agree that the more dramatic, heavily filtered individuals can cause harm.

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Sirzy · 18/01/2023 17:38

Who is to decide what “normal” is though?

it’s down to each individual to decide what to do with their body. Taking away body autonomy won’t make people happier in their skin if they aren’t.

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Kissedbyfire1 · 18/01/2023 17:42

QueefQueen80s · 18/01/2023 17:33

Yes it doesn't look beautiful, it looks awful in real life. Shiny faces and bulbous fish lips and cat eyes with swollen filled cheeks. But they love it as it can look good on an instagram filter.
The whole trend is so harmful to our young ones especially.

I work with a youngish woman (30s) who has done all of this to her face. She’s intelligent, educated, good at her job and likely to have a successful career all of which are important. That said, her face is like a mask - head turning and not in a good way. She can barely move her mouth. I do wonder what’s behind the need to do it.

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DeoForty · 18/01/2023 17:43

I agree OP, cosmetic surgery and 'tweakments' are a personal decision that has societal ramifications. I think 'my body, my decision', while ultimately true, shuts down that discussion.

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EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:46

Sirzy · 18/01/2023 17:38

Who is to decide what “normal” is though?

it’s down to each individual to decide what to do with their body. Taking away body autonomy won’t make people happier in their skin if they aren’t.

But my point was, beauty isn't objective. Beauty standards are affected by the media and what is decided at a societal level as being beautiful.

"Feeling happier in your skin" also isn't an objective feeling. You aren't born feeling "unhappy in your skin". Rather, it's a reaction to feeling you don't fit society's beauty standards.

The fix? Isn't to inject one's body, at least that wouldn't be my idea of a good fix.

It's changing what's considered beautiful by society. And you can't do that as an individual. Somewhere along the line, the government will need to step in and create some regulations around their usage, surely.

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SwordToFlamethrower · 18/01/2023 17:49

Hallelujah! Yes I completely agree.

When fashion demands that women and girls mutilate their healthy bodies to fit a beauty standard, then it is deeply misogynistic.

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EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:52

SwordToFlamethrower · 18/01/2023 17:49

Hallelujah! Yes I completely agree.

When fashion demands that women and girls mutilate their healthy bodies to fit a beauty standard, then it is deeply misogynistic.

You summarised it perfectly!

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XenoBitch · 18/01/2023 17:52

I remember wanting to dash to the supermarket with bare legs. They were unshaven, and rather hairy. I ended up digging out leggings so my hairy pins were covered up. I didn't care about the hair, but I cared about what people would think of me.
That should not be a thing... and now I can see young women seeing and thinking that they can't go out without massive lips or microplaned eyebrows, because that is the new standard that has been set.

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Bingobangodrinkacanoftango · 18/01/2023 17:52

I agree to a point. I appreciate it can be lift changing and confidence boosting to those who choose that path. My mum had cosmetic surgery on her face and now I’m getting older I feel overly anxious and very self conscious of the areas she had work done on my own face (I was a child at the time and it was a bit traumatic watching the healing process over the dinner table too 🤢). I’m not sure I would have particularly noticed or disliked these parts of my face but it’s definitely in my head that they look “bad” or why would she have gone through the pain and discomfort of surgery just to get rid.

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PrincessHoneysuckle · 18/01/2023 17:53

I'm glad it exists and that its possible to alter your looks if you feel like it

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Badgirlriri · 18/01/2023 17:54

Oh this again. The old bores are back out. Yawn.

You do you. Why are you bothered in what other people are choosing to do with their own lives.

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GabriellaMontez · 18/01/2023 17:55

Im going to colour my grey eyebrows and put some fake tan on. OK with you? Or does that interfere with 'society norms' whatever they are?

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EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:56

Badgirlriri · 18/01/2023 17:54

Oh this again. The old bores are back out. Yawn.

You do you. Why are you bothered in what other people are choosing to do with their own lives.

I'm sorry but you've totally ignored the content of my post. I explained very clearly why it's not just a case of "you do you".

In fact, that's the whole point of my post!

If everything was "you do you", there'd be no laws or regulations. Actions have wider impacts.

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EmmaDilemma5 · 18/01/2023 17:57

GabriellaMontez · 18/01/2023 17:55

Im going to colour my grey eyebrows and put some fake tan on. OK with you? Or does that interfere with 'society norms' whatever they are?

Are you comparing applying fake tan and hair dye with injectables and operations?

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GabriellaMontez · 18/01/2023 17:58

Badgirlriri · 18/01/2023 17:54

Oh this again. The old bores are back out. Yawn.

You do you. Why are you bothered in what other people are choosing to do with their own lives.

Because apparently
It's not a personal decision, because collectively, it's impacting society norms

And we have to adhere to the OPs opinion of what is suitable/necessary.

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