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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP thinks I’m Google

119 replies

Ninetytwelve · 18/01/2023 13:00

AIBU? I snapped at my DP yesterday because he keeps asking me questions thinking I know the answer to everything. I can’t relax and enjoy a tv show without 100 questions, I am watching it at the same time as him so how would I know what he doesn’t about it.

When he’s cooking something he’ll ask me things like how long does this take to cook, what ingredients does he need, what goes first etc. how should I know I’m not a recipe book!

or a news article he reads, he will ask me questions like there was a car accident on the news the other day and he asked me where exactly it happened? I hadn’t even read the article!

OP posts:
Beamur · 18/01/2023 13:01

My DH occasionally does this. I've taken to saying I don't know, have a look at the instructions 😁

Original poster
Ninetytwelve · 18/01/2023 13:01

Oh forgot to say - me snapping at him.
Hollyoaks was on tv last night while we were having dinner, I’ve never really watched it before but he was asking me questions about all the characters ie is that person the dad? Who’s his brother? Etc. so I said I don’t f**king know. And he went upstairs and cried

OP posts:
FantasyHoliday · 18/01/2023 13:03

Ninetytwelve · 18/01/2023 13:01

Oh forgot to say - me snapping at him.
Hollyoaks was on tv last night while we were having dinner, I’ve never really watched it before but he was asking me questions about all the characters ie is that person the dad? Who’s his brother? Etc. so I said I don’t f**king know. And he went upstairs and cried

Oh really he went upstairs and cried?? What else happened. Perhaps he is depressed.

QuertyGirl · 18/01/2023 13:04

Isn't this just making conversation?

Beamur · 18/01/2023 13:07

Is it just clumsy attempts at conversation?
He was obviously upset by your reaction.

MintJulia · 18/01/2023 13:10

Just say you don't know....over and over until he stops asking.

My ex still does that. He phones me to ask what time ds' swimming lesson is, when he could check his email. It's just laziness.

BriteSparke · 18/01/2023 13:10

He cried? That's a strong reaction.

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 18/01/2023 13:13

Have you recently made him step up to do more? Is he weaponising his incompetence?

EKGEMS · 18/01/2023 13:17

Mine asked me the other day which exact STREET damage from a severe line of storms was in a neighboring city! 'Do I look like a news reporter?!!' I said to him and he got the hump!

23mum · 18/01/2023 13:19

Sounds like you got the ick

Natty13 · 18/01/2023 13:20

"No idea"
"Dunno"
"🤷‍♀️"
On repeat.

Don't stop what youre doing, don't look up, don't pay any attention to it. The less words you can use the better. He will soon learn to use his own brain.

It's laziness and contempt expecting you do to his thinking for him.

Phenolet · 18/01/2023 13:22

Crying is quite a strong reaction. Are you always snapping at him and jumping down his throat? Maybe he's just making conversation or thinking out loud? Do you even like him?

If my dh snapped at me for asking a simple question I would be angry and tell him to watch how he speaks to me.

Next time he asks a question you don't know the answer to, just say I don't know and then leave him to it. No need to snap. If you keep saying you don't know, he'll soon figure it out himself.

Are you both happy together in general? Maybe your reaction is indicative of other problems?

pelargoniums · 18/01/2023 13:23

DP does this: “how much celery should I chop for the bolognese?” He’s the one cooking it, who has the recipe, who went to the shop for the fucking ingredients.

”What’s the weather like today?” He has the same access to a phone weather app or looking out of the window as I do.

“Do we need milk?” I am not blessed with magical X-ray vision to see inside the fridge, especially when I’m not in the kitchen.

He does it as he has ADHD and it’s not so much conversation as just thinking out loud/an inability to NOT talk, it just all burbles out. I just ignore it, or if I’m feeling especially crabby: “I’m not Siri/I’m not the office manager/I don’t know, do you?/Stop asking me stupid questions/What does the recipe say? (Which is often where I discover he’s not using a recipe; he’s free styling, which means 1000 more questions, at which point I snap USE A FUCKING RECIPE)

Going upstairs to cry is an intense reaction to being annoying. Is he OK otherwise?

picklemewalnuts · 18/01/2023 13:24

Maybe he doesn't know how to talk to you. When children do this, they are reaching out to you for attention. They don't really need to know why grass is green, they just want you to talk to them.

Can you make an effort to spend quality time and attention on each other- but also make sure you get alone time to recharge- and see whether that resets things?

Basically he sounds needy. Possibly unreasonably so, depending on what else is going on in your relationship.

Have you got children? Been promoted to busier at work? Some other reason you are less attentive?

This is a mutual problem, and needs both of you to solve it.

nutbrownhare15 · 18/01/2023 13:26

I just say 'ooh there's a really good website where you can look for the answer to that, what's the name of that website where you put the question in an the answer comes out?!'

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 18/01/2023 13:38

My answer to this is normally "if only you had a device upon which you could find the answer to your question". Normally he's holding it at the time!

He's never cried about it though. So either you were really really mean, he is generally depressed and couldn't help it, or he's trying to manipulate you.

RedCarsGoFaster · 18/01/2023 13:39

Why did he cry?

DH does this. I tend to flip when he fails to listen to a few requests to pack it in. I have been known to shout "I'm not fucking Google" on more than one occasion.... Then I get peace for a few weeks then it builds up again.

We bought an Alexa thinking he could ask that the stupid questions, but Amazon is shite and doesn't link up to a search engine and only has pre-planned answers for a list of questions which is really irritating.

This level of neediness is so unattractive.

JackieDaws · 18/01/2023 13:40

Why are you with someone who obviously despise?

winteriscoming2022 · 18/01/2023 13:54

A family member does this. I completely ignore him now, like I pretend I haven't heard him. Must say he still does it though. I think it's actually controlling behaviour, he needs to involve me in whatever he's doing as he does not think my time as important. So if he's doing a ( paid) job in my house, I can't be allowed to sit down, he has to shout something I can't quite hear from another room so that I'd need to get up and go up a flight of stairs. He has to 'forget' a certain tool and ask me to bring it up to him etc.
Just this morning I heard loud shouts coming from a room while I was two flights of stairs away. Turned out he needed a tissue for a small cut on his hand! The bathroom was nearer him than me! BTW all this time I'm also busy working on the house. If he asks for a glass of water and I get it, he'll still need to say something inane like 'Is this my water?' just to make me respond. It's so infuriating and I really want to scream 'I just fucking gave you a glass of water so how can it be anything else but your fucking glass of water?'
Saying this he does have a diagnosis of EUPD

itswednesdayy · 18/01/2023 13:58

people communicate in different ways. I would find him annoying. He probably thinks he’s making conversation, or subconsciously is trying to be the centre of your attention or whatever PP suggested.

I think stay polite but ask him questions back or suggest he looks online as you don’t know etc. eventually he’ll get bored of asking you

Stressybetty · 18/01/2023 14:03

My DH does this, especially asking what the weather forecast is. Drives me potty. What he actually means is can you stop what you're doing, get your phone and have a look for me by which time he's not bothered. It's because he's not good with a smartphone and gets annoyed with his. Plus he loses his phone constantly whereas I always have mine. I have on times just passed him my phone to look himself but then have him swiping everywhere with his sausage fingers

menopausalbloat · 18/01/2023 14:05

Have you asked him why he does this?

pawprintseverywhere · 18/01/2023 14:14

Wow sounds like you the ick and cha with him. Poor lads only trying to make conversation, maybe you'd prefer it of he sat silent gaming or spent everynight at the pub?

Rewis · 18/01/2023 14:18

My bf always asks how long something should be in the microwave. I mean sometimes it's a valid question but for a ready meal? I don't time it. I out a random time on and when I feel like it's been long enough I check if it is warm. I tell him that "when I feel it might enough" and he absolutely hates this answer.

Backstreetsbackalrightdadada · 18/01/2023 14:20

My DP does this every day!! “Can you Google…” … makes me want to scream but I just remind him I’m not his PA.

But worrying that your response hurt your DP so much, hope all ok with him - any communication issues generally?

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