Page 5 | DP thinks I’m Google

Ninetytwelve · 2023-01-18T13:00:04+00:00

AIBU? I snapped at my DP yesterday because he keeps asking me questions thinking I know the answer to everything. I can’t relax and enjoy a tv show without 100 questions, I am watching it at the same time as him so how would I know what he doesn’t about it. When he’s cooking something he’ll ask me things like how long does this take to cook, what ingredients does he need, what goes first etc. how should I know I’m not a recipe book! or a news article he reads, he will ask me questions like there was a car accident on the news the other day and he asked me where exactly it happened? I hadn’t even read the article!

Delladon · 18/01/2023 17:29

DH is always asking me what's happening/what is the plan? Several times in a morning, usually a Saturday. I suspect he has ADHD. I think during the working week, he's completely immersed in his work. On a Saturday he wakes up like he's a school kid at the weekend 'what are we doing?' I have told him that I get fed up with the expectation of planning a whole fantastic weekend for everyone. When we have words though, if either of us swears at the other it's considered a crossed line, the point of the argument is then lost. We do swear jokingly during conversation but being sworn at by someone in frustration isn't appreciated by either of us. Maybe have a conversation about how frustrated you get with his questions but I would apologise for swearing. Crying does seem like a strong reaction but it's he's a sensitive soul then it's probably hurt his feelings. If he's not usually like that then you might want to see if there's something deeper going on for him.

diddl · 18/01/2023 17:30

Presumably it was the way you said it & the swearing?

If you had just said "I don't know I don't watch it"?

Perhaps you should apologise for swearing & explain how frustrating it is that he constantly asks questions that you don't know the answer to/that he can find out himself.

That you'd like to be able to watch a programme in peace!

phoenixrosehere · 18/01/2023 17:33

SpongeBabeSquarePants · 18/01/2023 17:01

YANBU about the questions being annoying though OP. That would drive me insane too.

Same. My DH asks me questions that he could easily Google (what I do all the time when I don’t know something) or something that I cannot answer because I’m not him like if he should wear a coat outside knowing he runs cold and I run warm.

HelloBunny · 18/01/2023 17:36

And then when you volunteer information / give instruction / make a suggestion... “Stop telling me what to do!” Cant win.

Hurrayforfridays · 18/01/2023 17:44

Ninetytwelve · 18/01/2023 13:01

Oh forgot to say - me snapping at him.
Hollyoaks was on tv last night while we were having dinner, I’ve never really watched it before but he was asking me questions about all the characters ie is that person the dad? Who’s his brother? Etc. so I said I don’t f**king know. And he went upstairs and cried

I feel this one you may be taking too personally... Depends how it was said but did he really expect you to know or was he just discussing it with you? I quite often ask my DH 'who's that?' when watching something new in the hope he might have some idea what's going on...

Ineedtosleep79 · 18/01/2023 17:52

Ninetytwelve · 18/01/2023 13:01

Oh forgot to say - me snapping at him.
Hollyoaks was on tv last night while we were having dinner, I’ve never really watched it before but he was asking me questions about all the characters ie is that person the dad? Who’s his brother? Etc. so I said I don’t f**king know. And he went upstairs and cried

Awwww! Bless him! 😂I don't know what's going on but it's a shame he was crying. :(

2catsandhappy · 18/01/2023 17:56

Mention there is a 'Youtube video for it.'

WiddlinDiddlin · 18/01/2023 19:23

My sister does this.

Shes often driving (does it for several sorts of work)... rings me to google whatever has crossed her mind.

I tell her she could google it herself, she says she can't, she's driving, I tell her she can use voice to google... she says no shes driving...

But shes RINGING ME.. on that self same phone... she could do it, or she could use voice notes and leave herself a note to do it later...

She just assumes im sat here doing bog all in front of a pc (I am never doing bog all, I am usually doing 3 things at once) and LOVE being her personal bloody search engine.

When I say no...she will then say 'ooh you're in a pissy mood, did you get your period'?!...

ARGH.

Ineedtosleep79 · 18/01/2023 20:03

Just give him a hug lol. It's not worth fighting over. Is there any way you can make more time for yourself? I always know when I've got too much on my plate when I start snapping at ppl and then I make a conscious decision to not live like that and see what I can do in my life to make myself and thus others happier. Of course sometimes it's hard to see how u can change things but sometimes something's gotta give x

Noangelbuthavingfun · 18/01/2023 21:29

Ninetytwelve · 18/01/2023 13:01

Oh forgot to say - me snapping at him.
Hollyoaks was on tv last night while we were having dinner, I’ve never really watched it before but he was asking me questions about all the characters ie is that person the dad? Who’s his brother? Etc. so I said I don’t f**king know. And he went upstairs and cried

You really need to stop sewing it as an imposition - it appears he is reaching out to you to make conversation and to engage. Saying I don't know all the time and snapping will drive him away... crying is a strong reaction and if i were you I would sit down and discuss what made him so upset and why he asks you these questions but also how it makes you feel. You have a communication problem and you sound irritated. If you are and he feels rejected that's bad news and a slippery slope.... are you not happy in your marriage ?

pawprintseverywhere · 18/01/2023 21:43

Tbh the comments are shitty regarding him crying. Something deeper might be at play. If a man snapped at women and reduced her to tears you'd all be screaming "Abuseeeeeee" ....

LunaTheCat · 18/01/2023 22:03

I get the “50 thousand question “thing too!
buy him an Alexa.

PinkSyCo · 18/01/2023 22:42

Are you proud of the fact that you not only made a grown man cry but you then came on to boast about it and encourage a load of women to ridicule said man. Honestly if your DH now came here asking for advice I would be telling HIM to LTB.

FinallyHere · 19/01/2023 08:25

Headoutofplace · 18/01/2023 16:40

I found with having similar that 'I don't know' didn't work, he'd just ask something else absentmindedly or ask why I was snarky. I found competitive incompetence got the message across and got him the chat he wanted without me feeding the incompetence (and gave me a laugh so I wasn't stressed with it).

Him: How long do I cook the burgers for?
Me: They need cooking?
Him: Yes, I'm frying them
Me: Oh, can you fry burgers then?
Him: Yes, course you can!
Me: Sounds delish
Him: But how long do they need?
Me: Depends what heat I suppose.
Him: I don't know. What heat do they go on?Hang on, I'll look it up.
Me: Good plan

This. ^ This is genius.

This I am going to try. 😄

phoenixrosehere · 19/01/2023 10:18

PinkSyCo · 18/01/2023 22:42

Are you proud of the fact that you not only made a grown man cry but you then came on to boast about it and encourage a load of women to ridicule said man. Honestly if your DH now came here asking for advice I would be telling HIM to LTB.

How do you get boasting out of OP’s two post and encouraging ridicule?

This reads more that OP is fed up of him doing this to the point that she reached her tether and snapped at him.

Likely OP is going to apologise, ask him what is going on and they’ll talk it out.

Many posters have said that they know people like this and it bothers them too and have offered tips to help. Only a handful (if that) of posters are ridiculing him for crying and they have been rightly told that’s not cool.

autienotnaughty · 19/01/2023 12:50

My dh and kids do this. I call my self 'the fountain of all knowledge' 😂 if I don't want to answer I just say I don't know even if I do!

But what's your relationship like, it reads like maybe he's awkwardly trying to talk to you and he has shit banter? Him crying (unless that's normal for him) suggests there's more to it than you swearing at him. Did you go after him? Console him?

Mamma2017 · 20/01/2023 00:16

BunchHarman · 18/01/2023 17:11

It is male entitlement. They grow up and are facilitated by women in a position of service and it becomes deeply ingrained.

Likely their mothers did the majority of the care of them and their fathers (plus additional family members like elderly parents and inlaws), they see women struggling to be recognised in the workplace by virtue of their sex or for having the audacity to bear a child will be stuck in lower positions, they see women fulfilling the majority of lower service positions in hospitality and clinical settings… they’re used to women serving them and so while many may pay lip service to gender equality, when it comes to practicing it, they don’t want it.

What lots of men really want is a wife with a tiny waist, doting smile, toes to the stove, never answering back and knowing her place.

Sorry. Tough day at work in a cock-heavy environment. Every day I have to stop a much more junior man from fucking talking over me in a boardroom. Absolute joke.

^^This

Quinoawoman · 20/01/2023 11:53

I think he's just trying to have some kind of connection with you through asking the questions and now he's deeply hurt and ashamed because he's realised how irritating you actually find him.

Why are you together if you really find him that irritating and he feels like he can't reach you? I think you both have some serious work to do on your relationship.

Heyhothbudgie · 22/01/2023 08:03

Yeah, I have a theory about men not recognising women's time is just as valuable as their's. Trying to outsource the boring mundane stuff of life.