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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancel ski holiday? Injury

301 replies

GetMeOut85 · 18/01/2023 05:23

We have a ski holiday in a month. I've injured myself, can't ski anymore. Non-refundable in large part. It's a group holiday with friends so I would literally be sat in a ski lodge all by myself 8am-5pm every day, for a full week. DH can still ski so he's keen to go, he says it'll still be fun for me in the evenings (I think that's ridiculous). The trip cost a lot of money, probably our last ski holiday for a while. No, I'm not the kind to be happy about sitting by myself all day with a book while my friends go have fun and I sit around waiting for them all day. AIBU to say to DH we shouldn't go anymore? It'll be absolute misery for me. At least if we don't go, we save money otherwise spent on ski passes, rental and all the bars and restaurants. Am I being unfair?

OP posts:
Lalliella · 18/01/2023 08:51

AIBU to say to DH we shouldn't go anymore? You’re asking the wrong question OP, that’s why you’re getting so many YABU votes. YABU to say WE shouldn’t go. YANBU to not go yourself. DH is a big boy, I’m sure he’d be fine on his own.

Personally I would go and enjoy some me time. Spa, taxi, reading, films. But I get loads of AL and have a busy life and would relish the downtime. I can see that’s not for everyone and might not suit you. DH should go on his own.

SeenAndNot · 18/01/2023 08:51

Are there no facilities where you are staying at all? Every ski holiday I’ve done I’ve stayed at very basic bunk houses, but there has always been loads to do nearby. Spas, galleries, restaurants, nice gentle walks in the snowy valleys. There’s usually busses or trains everywhere so not having a car isn’t an issue.

Aprilx · 18/01/2023 08:51

Testina · 18/01/2023 08:23

@lieselotte “Tax laws would not apply to working from overseas for a week.”

Are you referring to personal taxation?

My company has very strict rules about WFH abroad and it needs to be approved by HR. They’re actually helpful and supportive but it has to be approved and isn’t always possible. It’s nothing to do with personal taxation, but company tax in both countries (of the employee’s residence and the place abroad). If the company does not have a legal entity in that country, they can be deemed to be operating there and trigger some tax liability. In Switzerland, there is specific legislation around employing Swiss residents. When I worked on a project there, an application had to be made with my CV and an explanation why a local couldn’t be employed instead, and then my pay had to be equalised (nice for me!) to avoid companies undercutting with cheaper foreign labour.

Much of this doesn’t apply everywhere or isn’t insurmountable - but it’s serious if you get it wrong, and many companies just ban all WFH abroad.

Companies not permitting staff to work abroad is very much to do with personal taxation, it is also to do with employment law. If a person is working overseas then the company would be required to operate payroll according to that country and also comply with employment law in that country. Being paid via another countries payroll, would certainly impact personal taxation, both income tax and NI.

However as the poster you quoted stated, an employee doing some work whilst on a week long holiday, would not trigger these requirements. And for that reason, I think it is worth asking the question.

SmileWithADimple · 18/01/2023 08:51

YANBU - of course you shouldn't go if you don't want to, and waste a week of annual leave having a miserable time.

You get to decide whether or not you want to go and DH gets to decide whether or not he wants to go. He doesn't get to insist that you come.

stevalnamechanger · 18/01/2023 08:52

You are being unfair .

Loads to do . Massage / spa / other activities !

rookiemere · 18/01/2023 08:55

Apologies I stand corrected about working abroad in my company.
Out of interest I checked our policy and it is now possible for permanent colleagues to work abroad for up to 20 days - feel a winter trip to Spain coming on once DS is off to uni next Autumn!

So thanks OP - not at all useful for you, but great news to me.

countrygirl99 · 18/01/2023 08:56

Perhaps the OP hates spas. Lots of people do. If someone gave me a voucher for a spa day I'd donate it to a raffle.

rightsaidfreddie · 18/01/2023 08:56

I've been on two ski holidays where I couldn't ski. The first one my son got injured on day one so I stayed in the hot with him. The second one I became unwell as soon as I got out there (and ended up being in hospital for over a week when I got back to the UK).

Either go and just make the most of being in a hotel and socialising with friends in the evening, or encourage your husband to go without you!

Toddlerteaplease · 18/01/2023 08:57

Go out. Sit coffee shops and cafes. Visit local towns if there are trans and buses.

Testina · 18/01/2023 08:57

@babyyodaxmas “Well if OP would give us a clue where this was it would help. Even the purpose built ones (thinking paradski area) have some facilities. Obviously somewhere like Zell am See would be easier...”

But why should she? It’s irrelevant. It’s not what she’s asking. She hasn’t posted “help, I’m a non skier in a ski resort - what can I do?” And I have seen those kinds of threads.

I could post where I’m skiing next week, and you could all helpfully post links to a hundred spa hotels with day guest passes. But (a) I don’t like spas (b) even if I did it wouldn’t fill a week (c) again even if I did I don’t have the money for that (d) if you say I had the money for a ski pass - yes, but the same money on a spa isn’t worth it to me (e) none of that trumps loss of annual leave for me.

Ditto things like restaurants. Yeah I could take the gondola up to meet for lunch. Beautiful views. Most likely very dominated by ski-chat though! But even if I loved the view and the chat and the lunch, I wouldn’t want to lose 5 days of previous holiday for that.

I have once had to entertain myself in a resort - Scheffau, my youngest hated ski school on day one. Of course I managed to fill my /our time. I found things to do. But I wouldn’t choose it. It really was doing things and spending money for the sake of it.

OP isn’t asking for recommendations of what to do. She’s asking if it’s OK to send her husband alone because it’s no longer a trip that’s worth her annual leave. I think she’s NBU and I’m surprised at vote, tbh. He’s being an arse “insisting” that she go. He needs to grow up and stop being so selfish.

rookiemere · 18/01/2023 08:58

Not all ski resorts have spas. Some are very functional and indeed ugly looking with multiple high rise apartment buildings, a few restaurants and little else.

Besides OP has said that her injury means she can't do much, so even walking to a spa could be tricky. Oh and the one that did have a spa when we went wasn't that great and was fiendishly expensive. I know resorts do exist with nice facilities, but I think OP would have said if they were going to one of these ones.

AnnaBegins · 18/01/2023 08:59

Gosh this sucks for everyone! Can you sledge at all? I was in a similar position once and did a lot of sledging (with all the kids but I didn't care), even if you're not in a lodge with facilities can you find a local spa to spend a day in (I know more money but you deserve it), and then I would insist on being taken to the nearest town with cafés before the others started their skiing, and gently walk between cafés having hot choc and reading a book (as where we were staying at the time was remote and I wasn't going to be stuck there all day!) Do some research now on where would be best to spend your day, as like others have said some ski resort towns are a spar shop, others are just wine bars, and some are full of crêperies which is exactly what you want!

mewkins · 18/01/2023 09:00

TimeForMeToF1y · 18/01/2023 08:07

Why do posters keep making posts like this, it's not about you, @GetMeOut85 has quite clearly said thats not her cup of tea. Personally I'd be quite happy to do that too but I know that we're all different

If the husband won't go alone then there's no option but to give up on the trip and the money spent so far

Show quote history

In which case she's made her decision and what's the point of posting at all? If lots of us say 'I would still go' that's still a valid comment to make. She goes or doesn't go....makes no difference to any of us.

wonkylegs · 18/01/2023 09:01

I get the feeling you are not only pissed about DHs feelings but also that you are injured and can't ski so are determined to not try to make this work.

I have RA and over the years this has progressed so I can no longer ski and even walking about in ski resorts is hard but I can still have fun on a ski holiday without skiing - this is because I ensure I can either by taking entertainment or finding out what is available that I can access and planning. We mainly rent a chalet from a family member and it's not in anyway luxurious but we make it work.

I usually manage to meet skiers for lunch up the mountain at least a few times and enjoy the company in the evenings. Read, watch films, take my camera (mountains are photogenic) practise my French, go to a spa for the day, swim (there is usually somewhere with a bit of Googling), go on the bus and explore.

The thing is clear is you don't want to try to make this work so will be miserable if you go but I also feel you will be miserable if you don't - I think you are mainly annoyed you are injured and you can't change that.
It's only a 'waste of holiday' if you are determined it will be.

countrygirl99 · 18/01/2023 09:03

Testina · 18/01/2023 08:57

@babyyodaxmas “Well if OP would give us a clue where this was it would help. Even the purpose built ones (thinking paradski area) have some facilities. Obviously somewhere like Zell am See would be easier...”

But why should she? It’s irrelevant. It’s not what she’s asking. She hasn’t posted “help, I’m a non skier in a ski resort - what can I do?” And I have seen those kinds of threads.

I could post where I’m skiing next week, and you could all helpfully post links to a hundred spa hotels with day guest passes. But (a) I don’t like spas (b) even if I did it wouldn’t fill a week (c) again even if I did I don’t have the money for that (d) if you say I had the money for a ski pass - yes, but the same money on a spa isn’t worth it to me (e) none of that trumps loss of annual leave for me.

Ditto things like restaurants. Yeah I could take the gondola up to meet for lunch. Beautiful views. Most likely very dominated by ski-chat though! But even if I loved the view and the chat and the lunch, I wouldn’t want to lose 5 days of previous holiday for that.

I have once had to entertain myself in a resort - Scheffau, my youngest hated ski school on day one. Of course I managed to fill my /our time. I found things to do. But I wouldn’t choose it. It really was doing things and spending money for the sake of it.

OP isn’t asking for recommendations of what to do. She’s asking if it’s OK to send her husband alone because it’s no longer a trip that’s worth her annual leave. I think she’s NBU and I’m surprised at vote, tbh. He’s being an arse “insisting” that she go. He needs to grow up and stop being so selfish.

Well said

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 18/01/2023 09:03

Going to a ski resort and not skiing when you love it is no fun whatsoever.

I've done it and it's awful. You want to ski, not read or go to a spa, or go to the cinema. Sitting reading in a mountain cafe can be lovely, but it can also be rotten when everyone comes piling in, all buzzed up reminding you what you're missing.

Some ski towns are not picture postcard off the slopes. It's the vibe with your friends and exhilaration that makes it a good holiday.

OP would only be going because her DH doesn't want to go without her. That makes it 10 times worse.

underneaththeash · 18/01/2023 09:03

I wouldn't go if you're injured. It'll be icy in places and the last thing you want to do it slip and injure yourself more.

Can you ask the other friends if there's someone else they'd be happy coming instead? Otherwise, yes, your husband may as well go by himslef.

TimeForMeToF1y · 18/01/2023 09:06

mewkins · 18/01/2023 09:00

In which case she's made her decision and what's the point of posting at all? If lots of us say 'I would still go' that's still a valid comment to make. She goes or doesn't go....makes no difference to any of us.

Show quote history

Maybe I wasn't clear, an OP says I don't want to go on a holiday to do X as I hate doing X, posters then come along and say, you should go, I love doing X

What on earth is the point of that?

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 18/01/2023 09:07

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 18/01/2023 05:35

That would be bliss for me. A long,
hot bath. A good book or hours of knitting.

Same here. Sleep late, eat, baths, books. 8-5 would fly by!

Is there a day spa nearby?

ChungusBoi · 18/01/2023 09:10

GetMeOut85 · 18/01/2023 06:08

The only feasible option is to convince him to go on his own. There are very few activities I could do on my own and the lodge isn’t particularly luxurious, it’s fine to sleep and get drunk in the evenings but it’s not somewhere you want to be stuck in for a week.

The catch is that I paid for absolutely everything as he’s had a bit of a setback (not his fault and he’s bouncing back). So he feels particularly guilty about it. I don’t care about that all. I care more about not wasting my very little annual leave on this.

What a depressing thing to happen, poor you. So according to him, the options are 1) force you to use precious annual leave on a holiday you now don’t want and can’t make the most of, or 2) waste all that expenditure if neither of you go.

He should go alone and make the best of it. He could discuss it with the group before going and explain his worries about how he will be left out if everyone else is coupled up.

Chickenvoicesinmyhead · 18/01/2023 09:10

To those saying their mum or friend goes and love it, that's because they're non-skiers. As a skier who can't ski, it's not why you go.

Testina · 18/01/2023 09:12

@ZeldaWillTellYourFortune “Is there a day spa nearby?”

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHY IS MUMSNET SO OBSESSED WITH SPAS?!!!!!!

HaggisWurst · 18/01/2023 09:13

Yabu. Time to yourself all day is not exactly an awful experience and you'd be going for your husband who deserves to still go and have a good time. Takes books, a hobby, laptop for telly. This would be a dream for me right now but even if I didn't want to be alone, I think you'd be very selfish losing all that money, taking the fun away from your husband just because you can't entertain yourself for a week during the day.

mewkins · 18/01/2023 09:15

TimeForMeToF1y · 18/01/2023 09:06

Maybe I wasn't clear, an OP says I don't want to go on a holiday to do X as I hate doing X, posters then come along and say, you should go, I love doing X

What on earth is the point of that?

Show quote history

Still though, why post?

Op, has anyone suggested the sensible solution of selling your place to a friend of your dh at a reduced price to recoup some of the cost?

FantasyHoliday · 18/01/2023 09:15

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 18/01/2023 05:35

That would be bliss for me. A long,
hot bath. A good book or hours of knitting.

Me too. Hot choc and apres ski. A good few books. People watching. Sounds like heaven.