Shook up by death of someone I don't know

[Greengables4]

I knew who she was, she dated a guy I used to chat to a bit. I'd seen her on social media but didn't know her in person, though she had one or two mutual friends. She was pretty and seemed popular with a loving family. She lived in my area.
She committed suicide a few days ago and was only in her early 20s. I find it so heartbreaking, even if I didn't know her. It's really got me down for some reason, I like many others cannot comprehend why, but I suppose only the people who take their own lives know why, they have their reasons.
Does anybody else ever feel like this if they didn't know the person? I felt the same after Caroline Flack, chilled to the bone

You mean like when we were all renamed ‘service users’? That worked a treat, didn’t it? It’s the usual bullshit. Far cheaper and easier to do bit of language policing than actually make any attempts to deal with the structural problems and deal with the problems inherent with MH practitioners and institutions. It’s all ‘that’ll do’

The Samaritans publish very carefully written media guidelines for the responsible reporting of suicide and they specifically request that the press avoid the phrase 'committed suicide', in the same way that they wouldn't report that someone had 'committed' a heart attack or an aneurysm.

Please stop it. You don't know that. I'm a person affected by it and you do not speak for me or get to tell others what word I prefer or should use.

Nor me. As I’ve expressed further up, I’m very closely acquainted with the issues around suicide and I loathe those who patronise me and those like me.

JOG ON Move22

Anyone who feels the need to take their own life, especially when they are so young is extremely sad. You have every right to feel heartbroken by this 😢. We don't always know what other people are going through or have to deal with.

It’s always shocking to hear of a young person’s death, regardless how well or not well you knew them.

And the poster who said the term ‘committed suicide’ should no longer be used is not unreasonable. There is stigma and blame attached to this phrase; it is likely offensive to those affected by suicide.

Some deaths seem to haunt us. I remember a young boy died sat in the footwear of a car between his mother's legs because her boyfriend wouldn't move his seat forward. It still haunts me, I was absolutely heartbroken, it's always upsetting when a child dies at the hands of adults but this was different.

Its always difficult when someone dies around you. Let alone a 20yo who killed herself. Its ok to be shaken.

As to why - sometimes life just gets unbelievably unbearable for some of us. Its not really explainable if you havent experienced this feeling.

I think it’s a normal empathetic response. A girl in my daughter’s wider friendship group hanged herself. I didn’t know her but it was absolutely horrifying as I understand her mum found her and she was a much loved only child. I was heartbroken for the family even though I had never met them.

Not so much deaths by murder, accident or committing suicide but missing people, especially children and ones that have been missing for a very long time are upsetting.

I'm really sorry you've been through this awful time, @DismantledKing. I can't even imagine how terrible that must have been. I hope you are well on the road to recovery and doing much better now.

I second this. I am very much fucking affected by my mother's suicide nd I couldn't give a shit if someone says she committed it or as if it somehow magically happened to her. Stay in your lane.

Any death of a young person is shocking. A few years ago I was very shaken up to be told by a neighbour that their young son had been killed in a traffic accident. I'd never met or heard of him; it had happened before I moved to the area. But I was still upset by their loss and ongoing grief. It's natural, I think.

Thank you; that’s very kind

1 its not awful at all
2 I will always say suicide because that is what it is
3 why do you think you have the right to tell people what word they are allowed to use

Yes. That was terrible.

For me, Sophie Lancaster is a name I will never forget. I still stop at her bench in Whitby and say hello to her, even though I never knew or met her in my life. Her mother was an amazing, kind, altruistic woman who launched an education campaign in her daughter's name: Stamp Out Prejudice, Hate and Intolerance Everywhere. Sadly, she also died last year.

OP, in any circumstances someone dying by their own hand is a terrible event, especially when they seemed to have everything to live for. For a person to come to such a state of despair they no longer want to continue living is shocking and distressing. You feel what you feel on a very human level.

No one is saying don’t say ‘suicide’, they’re asking you don’t use the term ‘committed suicide’.

If you don’t consider it awful, perhaps Google it and read some of the myriad articles on why it is offensive, upsetting and archaic.

In my own experience, it’s society at large that are the kindest to those with mental illness. They might use clumsy phrasing, but that’s where I’ve met the most empathy. I certainly don’t mind being described as having had a ‘nutty episode’ if there’s kindness behind it

The worst ones are those who know the ‘correct’ and most up-to-date terms; the professionals who hide their incompetence, disinterest, or plain abusive natures behind a veneer involving a correctness of language. They know that all this self-serving nonsense is also adopted by the large charities that never seem to do much to help anyone.

A few years ago someone that mixed in the same circles as I did when I was younger but I'd only ever met in passing died the same way. She was missing for a while before they found her body. I thought about her quite a lot and was surprised by how much her death affected me. She was always the life and soul of the party, whenever I saw her she always had the biggest smile and had so many people that loved her, it was hard to reconcile that person with the woman who ten years later killed herself.
I think suicide has a particular way of hitting hard, I've unfortunately lost a few family members this way and it stirs up so many feelings and often leaves unanswered questions.

If you don’t consider it awful, perhaps Google it and read some of the myriad articles on why it is offensive, upsetting and archaic.

or perhaps actually ask survivors who see it as a pointless distraction

I think being upset at someone's suicide at a young age is an entirely human and creditable reaction. In no way are you BU.