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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD walked out of house after argument with DH and DH has blamed me

137 replies

Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:10

DD19 was shouting at me cos I ruined some clothes of hers in wash & some clothes of her bf happened to be in the pile I picked up to wash but I didn’t know his clothes were in the pile, my husband went mad at her for being disrespectful & throwing the clothes back at her telling her to go upstairs, then my husband shouts at me cos it’s all my fault. DD has now walked out the house to go for a drive with her bf saying she’s gonna be late home and not to message her at all cos we are both terrible parents in her eyes
So who was being unreasonable tonight
DD, DH or me for not doing nothing to prevent DH from going mad at DD

OP posts:
Unananana · 15/01/2023 22:12

Sounds like your DD needs to do her own washing.....

Happin · 15/01/2023 22:14

DD and DH both in the wrong

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:14

Yes I told her that in argument back
I’m now crying cos I feel like I am a terrible person.

OP posts:
SaorsaSolasta · 15/01/2023 22:18

She's 19 ffs, she can do her own washing

Happin · 15/01/2023 22:18

She shouldn't be shouting at you for an accident, neither should your DH

Tricolette · 15/01/2023 22:19

Well your dd and dh have made your life easier because they'll be doing their own washing in the future.

LIZS · 15/01/2023 22:20

Why are you expected to do her bf washing? Thy are both unfair to yell at you.

smileladiesplease · 15/01/2023 22:20

Oh op now it's time for you to give them BOTH the quiet dignified one word answer to anything they say. They both sound similar in temper but both need to apologise to you.

And don't do her washing or ironing she can do her own. Don't cry I bet both will apologise to you tomorrow. But don't you weaken.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:21

LIZS · 15/01/2023 22:20

Why are you expected to do her bf washing? Thy are both unfair to yell at you.

I didn’t realise the bf tops were in wash I just took them all and put them in wash

OP posts:
LIZS · 15/01/2023 22:22

But they deliberately left them there for you?

LikeTearsInRain · 15/01/2023 22:22

How did you ruin these clothes?

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:22

LIZS · 15/01/2023 22:20

Why are you expected to do her bf washing? Thy are both unfair to yell at you.

Oh yes definitely agree

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 15/01/2023 22:23

Stop going and taking a 19 year olds clothes. They can wash them themselves or give you the pile themselves

rwalker · 15/01/2023 22:24

Your DH was in the middle and ended up the bad guy
defended you when DD was shouting at you then defended DD because you’ve ruined her clothes

think the way forward is DD does her o washing

smileladiesplease · 15/01/2023 22:27

What's the boy friend doing in all this??? I know if this was dds boyfriend he would tell her to grow up!!!

You need to stand firm op. They all need to apologise to you and don't you be the nice door mat!!!

Theunamedcat · 15/01/2023 22:27

Why is your husband yelling at you because an ADULT left the house ffs not everything is your fault

MuggleMe · 15/01/2023 22:29

I presume you could have dealt with Dad's shouting without escalating, unlike DH? So you made a mistake, she was being unreasonable (but 19 and ruined clothes etc I'd cut her some slack), and DH defended you (badly). Sounds like everyone needs to breathe and reset.

MuggleMe · 15/01/2023 22:29

And DD does her own washing from now on.

Georgeskitchen · 15/01/2023 22:38

How about she finds her own place then she can ruin her own clothes. Oh and tell the bf to take his washing home.
Problem solved!!

Prescottdanni123 · 15/01/2023 22:48

This does not make you a terrible person, OP. Your DD is an adult and can do her own washing.

I remember whenI was in my early twenties and my mum accidentally shrunk one of my favourite tops. She felt guilty and offered to replace it but I genuinely didn't blame her. She didn't have to do my washing in the first place. It was my responsibility. I just laughed it off.

Faultymain5 · 15/01/2023 22:50

She needs to do her own washing. You are owed an apology from both. Presumably she’s staying at BF’s house so double lock your door and think nothing more of it. The cheek of it!

Summerfun54321 · 15/01/2023 22:53

Your DD needs to be doing her own washing. Sorry but you’re enabling spoilt brat behaviour here, the only thing you should be feeling bad about is the fact you’re still doing her washing at all. Please tell me you don’t make all her meals and tidy her room for her still.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:53

Well she’s actually just messaged to say she’s got a flat tyre as she went over a pot hole so now she’s phoned AA to get them to come out and they are sending someone over by 1150pm
All I said to her was this is the result of you driving in a rage and leaving the house so sort it out

OP posts:
Princesspollyyy · 15/01/2023 22:58

Has your DH apologised?

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:59

Princesspollyyy · 15/01/2023 22:58

Has your DH apologised?

No

OP posts: