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Original poster

DD walked out of house after argument with DH and DH has blamed me

137 replies

Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:10

DD19 was shouting at me cos I ruined some clothes of hers in wash & some clothes of her bf happened to be in the pile I picked up to wash but I didn’t know his clothes were in the pile, my husband went mad at her for being disrespectful & throwing the clothes back at her telling her to go upstairs, then my husband shouts at me cos it’s all my fault. DD has now walked out the house to go for a drive with her bf saying she’s gonna be late home and not to message her at all cos we are both terrible parents in her eyes
So who was being unreasonable tonight
DD, DH or me for not doing nothing to prevent DH from going mad at DD

OP posts:
Roundabout78 · 15/01/2023 22:59

I wouldn’t even reply to her, OP. She’s a rude, disrespectful and selfish little Madame. 19 years of age, she wants to grow up.

smileladiesplease · 15/01/2023 23:01

Op why did you message her back???? She needs to apologise before you can start normal conversation again. Ditto your dh!!!

You are being a door mat. I can be one too so I know the signs

smileladiesplease · 15/01/2023 23:04

I would make MYSELF a cuppa or something g stronger and go off to bed. You not hosting her when she gets back you need to make her sweat. As for your dh cold back unto apology.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 15/01/2023 23:05

Why are you doing a 19yo washing? She needs to grow up and do her own washing and I’m not sure why your dh was shouting like an idiot when it’s also his responsibility to guide her to do her own washing.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/01/2023 23:07

DD needs to grow up and do her own washing. She also shouldn't drive when in a temper.
DH needs to apologise to you.
I would do my own and any younger children's washing and noone else's from now on.

EmmiJay · 15/01/2023 23:10

Don't wash her clothes anymore. Thats so ungrateful; I would have never shouted at my mother for a mistake like that but then my mum wasn't washing my clothes at 19🙃 Also, I hope your husband is sleeping on the sofa/in the bath tub/in the shed tonight!

Andi2020 · 15/01/2023 23:10

Why do you go in her bedroom to get washing.
If she wants washing done, is there not a main laundry basket beside machine or get her to do her own.
I know that can't fix what is already ruined. But you are nor at fault if this is normal in your house that you go around picking up washing.

Mouthfulofquiz · 15/01/2023 23:10

how did you ruin the clothes (are they actually ruined or is she just exaggerating?)
Your DH owes you an apology, as does your daughter. She does her own laundry from now on.

PousseyNotMoira · 15/01/2023 23:11

This is the same DD and her boyfriend that went into a strip because you don’t want him there all day, every day, eating you out of house and home?

OP, you sound lovely, but you’re being a bit of a wet lettuce. Set boundaries. Stop doing her laundry, stop letting him practically live at your house, stop accepting being spoken to like you’re nothing (by your DD and DH). Stop crying and feeling you’re a horrible person because you haven’t been even more of a doormat.

Stop living like this.

deeperthanallroses · 15/01/2023 23:12

Serves her right on the pothole, and good response! I would be fuming, and call a family meeting. Dear family, here is dds bucket, I’ll replace it with a wash basket at some point. All of your and your bfs washing goes in here, and you do it. If anyone puts washing in the main wash basket and I wash it, then you decide to yell at me about that, I will donate your clean washed clothes to charity. Where hopefully they go to someone who isn’t a spoiled ungrateful sod. Are we all crystal clear?

determinedtomakethiswork · 15/01/2023 23:21

Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:14

Yes I told her that in argument back
I’m now crying cos I feel like I am a terrible person.

That's how they want you to feel because they are both in the wrong. Go to bed and try to get some sleep now. Tomorrow make the decision not to do any washing for your daughter or her boyfriend again.

smileladiesplease · 15/01/2023 23:29

New day tomorrow op but time for some changes. Stand up for yourself and YOU tell your dd you expect a full apology! She will be doing her own washing! Boy friends goes home on his back!!

Dh apologise for shouting!!! If you not at work tomorrow I would be going out for the whole day by myself shop/lunch/ let them all stew.

TrashyPanda · 15/01/2023 23:33

DD needs to
apologise
keep a civil tongue in her head
grow up
do her washing

Cantstandbullshitanymore · 15/01/2023 23:35

Safarigiraffe · 15/01/2023 22:21

I didn’t realise the bf tops were in wash I just took them all and put them in wash

Show quote history

The question is why is your 19 years olds bf’s clothes in your laundry in the first place? Is she wants to play house then they can go rent their place.

Hellno44 · 15/01/2023 23:49

She's 19. She needs to grow up and do her own washing, cooking, ironing, bed making ect.

She ends to do housework and meaningfully contribute to the household. She also needs to pay rent if she doesn't already.

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 16/01/2023 00:10

Think you all need to apologise to each other you for ruining clothes even if accident, dd for shouting at you and dh for shouting at her then blaming you for it all, however moving forward dd does own washing, and what you text her about her flat tire was petty and could have happened at any time oh and you should probably replace the clothes if the boyfriends were ruined

Roundabout78 · 16/01/2023 00:11

Bubblesandsqueak1 · 16/01/2023 00:10

Think you all need to apologise to each other you for ruining clothes even if accident, dd for shouting at you and dh for shouting at her then blaming you for it all, however moving forward dd does own washing, and what you text her about her flat tire was petty and could have happened at any time oh and you should probably replace the clothes if the boyfriends were ruined

Oh pack it in 🙄

InternetRandom · 16/01/2023 00:21

What everyone else said (except for the one, there's always one). And if any of them shout at you again, put your coat on, pick up your keys and go out of the door. Go to a friend's or even a hotel if that's possible or just a McDonalds. You don't have to be shouted at by people you were trying to look after.

CanofCant · 16/01/2023 01:09

Turn your phone off, go to sleep and tomorrow detach from them both. I agree with the polite, one word answers. Stop doing their washing, and allowing her boyfriend to treat your house as he pleases.

Yes, you're her mother and you love her but she's undeserving of your kindness right now and it's not making her a better person is it? She sounds entitled and both her and your husband are taking advantage of you and putting you to the bottom of the pile.

How dare your husband turn you into the villain?! The cowardly, bullying prick.

ImAvingOops · 16/01/2023 07:27

This is an excellent opportunity for a reset!
Send the boyfriend home. Tell dd he can stay over two nights a week, maximum.
And it's a good opportunity to reduce your workload and let dd wash her own clothes.

I was a bit like you - had DS gf living here, did their laundry (tbf they were willing to do it themselves but I had limited space and a drying system). Life was a lot easier when I started letting them look after themselves a lot more (it took me a while to get out of mum mode).

There's a danger that adult kids can take over the house a bit and once their partners practically move in, they start behaving like it's their house and they let you live there!

Tell your husband that blaming you for a genuine accident is a dick move and that he owes you an apology too.

RudsyFarmer · 16/01/2023 07:32

You’ve just reminded me of something I hated in my teens and that was my father wading into an argument I was having with my mother and elevating it one hundred fold. He would never have a clue what the argument was even about but my gif he’d make it worse!

So I think he needs to take a large chunk
if the blame here EVEN if he’s defended was that he was sticking up for you.

olympicsrock · 16/01/2023 07:36

We’re the clothes in the laundry basket or did you go in her room and scoop then up.

Given that you were horrid when she got a flat there late at night, you are all unreasonable escoecially you.

Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 16/01/2023 07:41

olympicsrock · 16/01/2023 07:36

We’re the clothes in the laundry basket or did you go in her room and scoop then up.

Given that you were horrid when she got a flat there late at night, you are all unreasonable escoecially you.

In what way was I horrible to her when she got a flat tyre and how was I being unreasonable towards her

OP posts:
Original poster
Safarigiraffe · 16/01/2023 07:42

olympicsrock · 16/01/2023 07:36

We’re the clothes in the laundry basket or did you go in her room and scoop then up.

Given that you were horrid when she got a flat there late at night, you are all unreasonable escoecially you.

All clothes were in a pile in laundry basket I did not go in her room for anything

OP posts:
GoodbyeLondon · 16/01/2023 07:45

Stop doing her washing and stop letting her bf stay with you. Does he live there? Why are his clothes in your washing? If she's old enough to live with her bf, she's old enough to pay her own rent tbh