Friend regularly leaves 4yo at home for 15 mins

[SlinkySienna]

We are both single parents. She's not a close friend but we see each other regularly at a group both our sons go to. Our sons are 2 weeks apart, both were 4 in November. I was saying today how hard it is in the evenings when you're a lone parent, mainly because if you fancy a bar of chocolate and your child is asleep you can't just nip out (not a big issue, just never have chocolate when I need it!). She said 'just leave him at home, that's what I do. I can see the shop from my bedroom window and I'm always back within 15 mins'. My son has fallen out of bed in the past, or had a nightmare, and I wouldn't put it past him to wake up, call for me, and to go wandering round the house if I didn't respond. Is this actually something people do and just keep quiet, or am I in the majority here thinking that this is so ridiculously negligent?

Completely unreasonable.
Fifteen minutes?
That’s a long time to leave a 4 yr old alone in a house or flat.
An accident waiting to happen.
Crazy risk to take.

No one would know that the dc were being left unsupervised. What's not to understand?

I immediately thought of the four little boys who died just over a year ago while their mum was out shopping.

metro.co.uk/2021/12/17/london-mum-was-shopping-at-sainsburys-as-sutton-fire-killed-twins-15790202/

The idea that getting run over with your child is somehow better?

I don't agree with leaving a child at home but do believe in the worst case I would be identifiable and someone would be contacted and know a child was in the picture.

I don't have chocolate in the house as a necessity all the time. Sometimes I just fancy it and can't go out to get any because my son is in bed. I'm not sat there sweating because I haven't had my chocolate fix. It was a lighthearted comment. And no, I don't drink.

If you were run over it could be a hit and run. Your 4 year old child could be with you, uninjured, but run away in fear. The police when they identify you would lead to a realisation that your child is missing.

BUT no one should be leaving a 4 year old home alone. It is far too young.

I have a 4yo, turning 5 in April, I would never dream of doing this!

Please OP - show this story to your friend. I’m sure most of us as sympathetic to the specific issues felt by single parents but there is no safe length of time to leave a child of this age in the house alone. She is being naive at best, negligent at worst.

My neighbour used to leave her 2-4 year old alone asleep whilst she took elder child to school. Her logic was that he was asleep and if he woke he couldn't get out of cot. And she was only out 30 min.

Madeline McCann's parents could see their apartment from the restaurant ...

We live in a flat, when my son was four I would only take the bins out if he was awake and on the balcony so we could both see and hear each other the entire time. I never left the flat while he was asleep.

when my dd was little I dreamt about being able to leave her alone to walk the dog. But it was just a dream. No way I would have acted upon it.

I take it he couldn’t climb over the balcony? @Simonjt

One of the Mums comes to my cafe to pick up coffee and I know full well she leaves 2 kids at home, one 2, and one 5 or 6. She tells me when I say oh where's x today. It's like 2 mins from the house but I think it's a disgrace

It's negligent. I knew of people who did similar many years ago, but even then it was unacceptable. I was only a kid myself so didn't report but would now.

Also just add multipacks of chocolate to your shopping list. Problem solved. I always have some form of chocolate in my house and it hasn't caused me to gain a gagillion lbs or lay about covered in chocolate. It's fine to have it in all the time. I don't believe it when people say they eat it all at once as you couldn't keep that up for long without feeling sick

Do you not live in the UK? Here a balcony has both a minimum height and a maximum gap between any bars.

I would call social services. It is neglect.

Massive difference putting the bin out and going to a shop. Jeez she may as well stop for a pint too. (Said sarcastically)

metro.co.uk/2021/12/17/london-mum-was-shopping-at-sainsburys-as-sutton-fire-killed-twins-15790202/amp/

.

Of course it’s negligent and decent parents do not do this. I’d be tempted to report her, I couldn’t be friends with someone so utterly stupid.

I have to agree with this. It’s not ideal but I’m not losing my mind about it either tbh.

And yes, I do put the bins out, pop to the car, feed the animals outside, goodness even go next door (terraced cottages - smaller than some people houses tbf) whilst the kids are asleep.

I had copied the same link and was about to post it. I have to drive past this house often, it's heartbreaking.

No they couldn't.

3 mins is not long though, if you're sound asleep yourself it could take a minute or two to register that the smoke alarm was going off.

I remember being woken up by my older brother, who told me that our parents had left because I was naughty. I was absolutely terrified.

I was very young and I can't really remember the exact details, but I think my dad had quickly popped to the neighbours house for some reason. It was the early 80's and we didn't have a telephone.

It can't have been more than a few minutes, but I remember how scared I was thinking I'd been abandoned.

We never leave our kids alone in the house. It might be overkill, but all bedrooms have smoke alarms, as well as one in the hallway and one in the landing.

Not overkill, very sensible imo.