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Original poster

Friend regularly leaves 4yo at home for 15 mins

152 replies

SlinkySienna · 15/01/2023 20:57

We are both single parents. She's not a close friend but we see each other regularly at a group both our sons go to. Our sons are 2 weeks apart, both were 4 in November. I was saying today how hard it is in the evenings when you're a lone parent, mainly because if you fancy a bar of chocolate and your child is asleep you can't just nip out (not a big issue, just never have chocolate when I need it!). She said 'just leave him at home, that's what I do. I can see the shop from my bedroom window and I'm always back within 15 mins'. My son has fallen out of bed in the past, or had a nightmare, and I wouldn't put it past him to wake up, call for me, and to go wandering round the house if I didn't respond. Is this actually something people do and just keep quiet, or am I in the majority here thinking that this is so ridiculously negligent?

OP posts:
Original poster
SlinkySienna · 15/01/2023 22:04

Snugglemonkey · 15/01/2023 21:59

I can see 4 year olds playing out,they do here. We live in a cul de sac opposite a wee playground, in a small village in rural Scotland. That playground is often populated by very small children on their own. My son was allowed to go by himself at about 4. He was desperate to be like the others. I felt it was ok as I can watch him walk around the curve of the cul de sac through the living room window. Then once he is in there, I can transfer over to the kitchen and do my veg prep etc at the sink watching him the whole time. I always have watched him, despite there usually being adults I know in with children who live too far to walk alone. He is 6 now and I have relaxed a bit about it, but I still keep a very close eye.

A playground populated by very small children on their own, what could possibly go wrong!

OP posts:
OhIdoLike2bBesideTheSeaside · 15/01/2023 22:05

YukoandHiro · 15/01/2023 21:56

Absolutely a reporting matter. That's terrible negligence.

I agree you need to report this

mumyes · 15/01/2023 22:06

Totally inappropriate....

It's so hard being a solo parent but this is really not appropriate

Original poster
SlinkySienna · 15/01/2023 22:10

Does anyone know how you would go about reporting something like this? I mean, she will know it was me but I'm not overly bothered.

OP posts:
hadntbeen · 15/01/2023 22:10

4 is wayyyy too young.

Fam23 · 15/01/2023 22:11

i wouldn’t leave my 4 year old, not because I’d be worried about him doing something that he shouldn’t but because anything could happen in those 15 mins! Imagine if she got hit by a car or something, it might be a while before anyone would know that the little boy was home alone 🥺

TurquoiseDress · 15/01/2023 22:12

Not ok to leave a 4 year old on their own to nip to the shops for a bit!

No way would I be comfortable doing this with my own kids

BeatrixPottery · 15/01/2023 22:16

People do it tho don’t they.

We were in a very very nice hotel for our anniversary and there was a couple there we a 6 month old I would say. They regularly left her in cot alone whilst they were down at the pool. We worked out there room was on the top floor of the building too so nowhere even close to the pool. Made me feel so angsty.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 15/01/2023 22:17

Fundays12 · 15/01/2023 21:06

Omg no this is absolutely negligent parenting. My Ds is 11 and gets left for 15 minutes alone. He has his phone to call me, a street full of good neighbours and a list of which ones to run to if need be and it takes him 15 minutes to walk home from school so hence why it's 15 minutes. We live in a safe area though with one of the lowest crime rates in the country.

But they’re 11. Will soon be getting themselves backwards and forwards to secondary school. Letting themselves into the house etc, I assume? There is absolutely nothing wrong with letting an 11 yr old be on their own for 15 mins, or even an hour!

Winniewonka · 15/01/2023 22:18

Your friend hasn't even factored in what if something happened to HER whilst she was out.
Heaven forbid but she could get knocked down or there could be a robbery if it's a convenience store. Is driving there, then there's potential for an accident. I know these are all worse case scenarios but if she thinks the shop is nearby then buy a stash of chocolate for emergencies, during the day and take the child with her.

santastolemycat · 15/01/2023 22:19

You should be able to report anonymously to social services.
You can also use crimestoppers to report it anonymously and they can pass it on to the relevant authorities.

Quichetiger · 15/01/2023 22:22

Absolutely no way! Without even thinking about the really awful things that could
go wrong, sometimes they just need you! My older dc has night terrors and sometimes needs comforting, both sometimes wake and need help to get to the toilet, or have had a bad dream. As others have said, the thought of leaving them alone for 15 mins gives me anxiety!

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 15/01/2023 22:24

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 15/01/2023 21:03

And I don't know what use she thinks being able to see the shop from her bedroom window is

Exactly. I can see the moon from my window, doesn't mean it ok to go and leave a child!

callkiki · 15/01/2023 22:24

Neighbour left her 2 children 2 & 6 inside the house while she nipped to the shop across the road and when she returned, the house was on fire and they were trapped. Firefighters were able to revive both and they both were burned & spent weeks in the hospital, she lost custody to relatives and they were lucky to have survived.

Summerfun54321 · 15/01/2023 22:26

This is why 4 year olds shouldn’t be left alone ever.

www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1538048/woman-arrested-boys-die-house-fire-blaze-south-london/amp

It can take literally 3 minutes for small children to die of smoke inhalation from a house fire.

littlelid · 15/01/2023 22:26

callkiki · 15/01/2023 22:24

Neighbour left her 2 children 2 & 6 inside the house while she nipped to the shop across the road and when she returned, the house was on fire and they were trapped. Firefighters were able to revive both and they both were burned & spent weeks in the hospital, she lost custody to relatives and they were lucky to have survived.

Oh my goodness. That is so so sad.

DNBU · 15/01/2023 22:27

No. Way.
What if YOU got hit by a car or even just lost your keys?!

Seriously, no.

Abouttimemum · 15/01/2023 22:27

Horrific! Nothing wakes my DS up but it wouldn’t ever cross my mind to leave him. I can see the shop from my house but I could get run over or anything while out and no one would know he was all alone. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it.

littlelid · 15/01/2023 22:28

BeatrixPottery · 15/01/2023 22:16

People do it tho don’t they.

We were in a very very nice hotel for our anniversary and there was a couple there we a 6 month old I would say. They regularly left her in cot alone whilst they were down at the pool. We worked out there room was on the top floor of the building too so nowhere even close to the pool. Made me feel so angsty.

The hotel may have had a childminding service

Ameanstreakamilewide · 15/01/2023 22:29

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/01/2023 21:06

It's an absolute no no.

Unless it's to go out with your husband and friends to a tapas restaurant. Then, according to MN, it's fine.

😂

walkinthewoodstoday · 15/01/2023 22:30

It's not even about the toddler. What if something happened to her and she didn't come home

sjxoxo · 15/01/2023 22:30

It’s a no from me aswell. I thought of Madeleine McCann when I saw this thread.
As pp’s have said - all is fine until it’s not. I sometimes leave my DS to sleep in the car for 10 mins when we get home if he’s fast asleep and knackered.. we’ve had builders at the house so it’s the only peace he gets. I’m out checking him every 3 mins or leaving my phone on a video call and even then I’m very very nervous about it x

littlelid · 15/01/2023 22:31

What if she got shot in the shop or something

Perfectpeace · 15/01/2023 22:34

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/01/2023 21:06

It's an absolute no no.

Unless it's to go out with your husband and friends to a tapas restaurant. Then, according to MN, it's fine.

They are the right class of negligent parent though!

OP your friend is playing with fire and I would report this.

DancyNancy · 15/01/2023 22:37

Immediately thought of those poor twins who died in the house fire. I believe that mother was gone much longer but 15mins us enough to have a devastating outcome

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