Page 5 | Friend regularly leaves 4yo at home for 15 mins

SlinkySienna · 2023-01-15T20:57:24+00:00

We are both single parents. She's not a close friend but we see each other regularly at a group both our sons go to. Our sons are 2 weeks apart, both were 4 in November. I was saying today how hard it is in the evenings when you're a lone parent, mainly because if you fancy a bar of chocolate and your child is asleep you can't just nip out (not a big issue, just never have chocolate when I need it!). She said 'just leave him at home, that's what I do. I can see the shop from my bedroom window and I'm always back within 15 mins'. My son has fallen out of bed in the past, or had a nightmare, and I wouldn't put it past him to wake up, call for me, and to go wandering round the house if I didn't respond. Is this actually something people do and just keep quiet, or am I in the majority here thinking that this is so ridiculously negligent?

Gagaandgag · 15/01/2023 23:05

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/01/2023 21:06

It's an absolute no no.

Unless it's to go out with your husband and friends to a tapas restaurant. Then, according to MN, it's fine.

Eeek

PMAmostofthetime · 15/01/2023 23:05

Climbles · 15/01/2023 22:59

I wouldn’t even leave my 12 year old for 15 mins in the night. If she woke up with a nose bleed or something and realised I wasn’t there she’d freak out. I’d leave her during the day when she is aware where I am and when I’d be back but I wouldn’t just leave her without telling her.

I agree with you here. Anything could happen .

OdeToBarney · 15/01/2023 23:06

Snugglemonkey · 15/01/2023 21:59

I can see 4 year olds playing out,they do here. We live in a cul de sac opposite a wee playground, in a small village in rural Scotland. That playground is often populated by very small children on their own. My son was allowed to go by himself at about 4. He was desperate to be like the others. I felt it was ok as I can watch him walk around the curve of the cul de sac through the living room window. Then once he is in there, I can transfer over to the kitchen and do my veg prep etc at the sink watching him the whole time. I always have watched him, despite there usually being adults I know in with children who live too far to walk alone. He is 6 now and I have relaxed a bit about it, but I still keep a very close eye.

But could you get to him quick enough if someone was trying to take him? Sorry, but that's madness.

GettingItOutThere · 15/01/2023 23:07

horrific.
i would not even leave mine to put the bins out - tough if it hasnt been done and i have video monitors.

Until last year I also felt weird sitting in the garden with them in bed when it was late

DottyLittleRainbow · 15/01/2023 23:08

Ah OP, you have to report this, it’s neglect. If this is what she admits to, it could be much longer than 15min - or the tip of the iceberg. The fact that she doesn’t see the issue is the most concerning - what else does she think is “fine”.

Tiani4 · 15/01/2023 23:09

Just to say if she tells anyone who has a responsibility to report , a teacher a HCP or someone in social care, then they are under a legal duty to report her for child neglect. Your friend is making a terrible decision one that will haunt her even if she is lucky enough nothing has happened so far

Daisybuttercup12345 · 15/01/2023 23:10

Very neglectful.I wouldn't let a 4 year old play out unsupervised either.
I would report to social services.

Cordeliathecat · 15/01/2023 23:10

I think this is more common than people realise. When my eldest was 5, I had a 3 year old. There was another school mum who has 2 kids the same age as mine.

When I was in the playground picking up my 5 year old from school with my 3 year old in tow I saw this other mum and commented that it must be nice to have some help around the house and not have to wrangle a toddler out of the house for school pick up.

She then said she doesn’t have any help and didn’t know why I had assumed that. She just leaves her 3 year old at home napping. Her house was easily a 10-15 min walk to the school gates, so she must have been out of the house at least half an hour. She did this every day! Others I spoke to didn’t see what the fuss was about.

OdeToBarney · 15/01/2023 23:11

Cordeliathecat · 15/01/2023 23:10

I think this is more common than people realise. When my eldest was 5, I had a 3 year old. There was another school mum who has 2 kids the same age as mine.

When I was in the playground picking up my 5 year old from school with my 3 year old in tow I saw this other mum and commented that it must be nice to have some help around the house and not have to wrangle a toddler out of the house for school pick up.

She then said she doesn’t have any help and didn’t know why I had assumed that. She just leaves her 3 year old at home napping. Her house was easily a 10-15 min walk to the school gates, so she must have been out of the house at least half an hour. She did this every day! Others I spoke to didn’t see what the fuss was about.

😱😱😱

DuplicateUserName · 15/01/2023 23:11

GettingItOutThere · 15/01/2023 23:07

horrific.
i would not even leave mine to put the bins out - tough if it hasnt been done and i have video monitors.

Until last year I also felt weird sitting in the garden with them in bed when it was late

OK we're getting a bit extreme now.

You wouldn't quickly stick your bins out, why??

Do you live in a house the size of Balmoral?

helloelsie · 15/01/2023 23:12

DottyLittleRainbow · 15/01/2023 23:08

Ah OP, you have to report this, it’s neglect. If this is what she admits to, it could be much longer than 15min - or the tip of the iceberg. The fact that she doesn’t see the issue is the most concerning - what else does she think is “fine”.

It's the Op
Reposting, not the actual
Problem...
awkward ...
I think THE OP is fine!

Summerfun54321 · 15/01/2023 23:15

RedHelenB · 15/01/2023 22:49

Tbf, if its only 3 mins being in the house wouldn’t necessarily prevent it, not excusing her leaving them btw.

Show quote history

Of course it would if you had a smoke alarm. That’s the whole point of smoke alarms, they give you a chance to get out in time. I used to work in fire safety, people are always shocked how time critical it is.

Wizzpopfizzbang · 15/01/2023 23:15

Never in a million years ….. disgusting

Branleuse · 15/01/2023 23:22

if the shop is really close, like a few doors away, then I wouldnt be overly concerned. I wouldnt personally do it, but i wouldnt call it negligent either. Shes hardly swanning out for a meal in praia da luz, or out on a bender.

UselessExLondoner · 15/01/2023 23:23

15 mins is a long time in the life of of a 4 year old. It's a no from me. I would possibly do it if the shop was 2 or 3 mins there and back, but not for chocolate! If paracetamol or calpol was needed, I probably would if I could be there and back in 2/3 minutes, as a last resort. Bet I wouldn't sleep well that night, though, imagining all the things that could have happened. I know the chances of anything bad happening are pretty negligible, but in my opinion it's not worth the risk. Just wake them up and take them with you!

Somethingsnappy · 15/01/2023 23:24

helloelsie · 15/01/2023 23:12

It's the Op
Reposting, not the actual
Problem...
awkward ...
I think THE OP is fine!

Show quote history

Pardon?

Mamma367 · 15/01/2023 23:26

Gosh no, if there was a fire then seconds count. I'd want to be in there with them to get them out, not watching helplessly from outside.

When mine was a baby and immobile I did run out for the bins once and felt very uneasy about it. No way would I consider it for mobile and mischievous 4yo. And sleep can change.

CanStopWillStop · 15/01/2023 23:26

Two words: Madeleine McCann

Orangepolentacake · 15/01/2023 23:27

EmmaGrundyForPM · 15/01/2023 21:06

It's an absolute no no.

Unless it's to go out with your husband and friends to a tapas restaurant. Then, according to MN, it's fine.

Madeline McCann?

Orangepolentacake · 15/01/2023 23:27

Cross post! @CanStopWillStop

OriginalUsername2 · 15/01/2023 23:30

I’d be worried about fire - you have 3 minutes to save yourselves! Plus what if she gets hit by a car while she’s out? Or knocked out cold! No-one would know a child was home alone.

All so unlikely but still possible risks.

CanStopWillStop · 15/01/2023 23:34

Orangepolentacake · 15/01/2023 23:27

Cross post! @CanStopWillStop

Haha great minds @Orangepolentacake!

This screams "disaster waiting to happen" OP, hope your friend can be talked round

cadburyegg · 15/01/2023 23:37

YANBU my ex thought it was appropriate to leave our 4 and 7 year olds in his flat for 15 mins to get some pancake mix from a shop. He couldn't understand what I was so upset about. Apparently it was ok because our 7yo is responsible and they were watching tv

Far too young and I wouldn't even leave the 7yo for that long although at his age it's less negligent.

4 year olds are still very young children. It wasn't that long ago mine fell over and hit his head on a toy at my mums house and it had to be glued at minor injuries. Not worth the risk

DoormatBob · 15/01/2023 23:43

I've never understood the argument of "what if you get run over (or shot?)" as a reason why you should always take your child with you to the shop?!

Salome61 · 15/01/2023 23:44

Our neighbour about three doors down had four tiny children and she would regularly leave them and cycle like a bat out of hell to the village shop in the road parallel to ours. We could hear them shouting for her through the letterbox :( After the third time I knocked and said if she needed to go out to phone me and I'd pop down. Her husband worked shifts as a train driver and she was alone a lot of the time.