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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I hate my life/weekend

125 replies

Littleelffriend · 15/01/2023 19:07

I have a good life. I have 2 beautiful children, wfh part time. Have a partner. No financial worries (not rich). But I hate my life.
At the weekend I just feel like I’m filling in time, waiting for it to pass. I have no real hobbies since having kids. Zero energy as my youngest doesn’t sleep. She’s 2.5.
I look like shit, kind of don’t care as I never do anything. I know it’s only me who can change things but how do I give myself a kick up the ass?

OP posts:
Burgoo · 15/01/2023 19:10

It sounds so painful when life is like this. And at the same time, what are you going to do about it? You have to do something different otherwise it'll stay the same.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 15/01/2023 19:10

Do you see friends? What do you enjoy? It sounds like everything is getting on top of you which isnt surprising when you're knackered. Can you start small? Start doing little things you used to do pre kids to make yourself feel like you again. Put some nail varnish on, have a long bath, read a good book. Book the time out even if you just sit in a coffee shop and read a paper. Start socialising again. It will be different from before, maybe meeting a friend for a walk instead of shopping or meeting people for lunch instead of dinner. Book it in and make yourself go even if you dont feel like it, you will feel better. Or if there are couples you used to go out with, invite them round for a takeaway and drinks. Sometimes with more people around, kids are a bit less relentless

Burgoo · 15/01/2023 19:10

What do you actually want in life? You just have to do it. There isn't some magical solution. Sorry!

helloelsie · 15/01/2023 19:12

This is me OP. I'm bickering constantly with my H though since our kids. They are 1 and 3. Watching with interest.

bumder33 · 15/01/2023 19:14

I feel exactly the same op. You have my sympathies. Also exhausted and feeling/looking like shit but can't be arsed to do anything about it. I promised myself I would start calorie counting and get some weight off in the new year. 2 weeks into January and I'm already back to my old ways. I really hate the lack of motivation and willpower that I have.

I feel like my weekends are totally centred around dc sports, play dates, parties etc. I get very little time for me other than when they're in bed. I was thinking today how lovely it would be to just wander around a city alone, browsing shops and drinking a coffee in peace.

I suspect weekdays are a bit easier because you have more routine? It gets to the weekend and you feel obliged to do stuff for and with the dc. Which is exhausting in itself.

Sorry I have no advice but you aren't alone.

BHRK · 15/01/2023 19:14

You’re in the trenches with little kids. Make an agreement with your partner to both take a few hours each weekend to yourself. Spend your two hours doing something you like… even if it’s just having a bath or going back to bed! You will feel better.. start small. And make plans to see friends once a month.

Fairyliz · 15/01/2023 19:16

You might find this hard to believe but she will eventually sleep through and you will get a good nights sleep, which will make you feel much better.
Lack of sleep makes everything awful. Hang on in there op ‘this too will pass’.

Ragwort · 15/01/2023 19:18

If you have a partner I would definitely split 'parenting duties' we always did that when our DS was young, DH would go off to golf, cycling or whatever he liked on a Saturday and then I did what I wanted on a Sunday ... it did mean less 'family time' but I was willing to make the sacrifice and it doesn't seem to have had long term effect ... we are still close as a family 21 years later!

mommatoone · 15/01/2023 19:25

OP Itotally get this, ive been there. You feel like you are stuck in a rut- no light at the end of the tunnel. It does get better. Small steps. What kinds of things do you like?. Swimming/ walking / reading/ going out for coffee? . I got out of this by going swimming. No pressure, just set myself a goal of once a week at the start. It worked for me, i was exercising, meeting new people - but most of all i did it for me x

Getinajollymood · 15/01/2023 19:28

Weekends with toddlers are tough. They are out of routine and you want to do nice things for them but you are tired and the groups and classes aren’t on and the weather is terrible …

I’ve been dreading weekends a bit myself as well, it is just tiredness.

When you say doesn’t sleep, any more details? My DS was awful and we got a sleep consultant in - I was really struggling and even now I don’t think my husband realised how awful that time was for me. It was a game changer, it really was. I’m exhausted now due to pregnancy but at least I know that’s not forever Smile

PlumbleCrumble · 15/01/2023 19:40

I have small children too OP. From reading this what stands out most to me is the sleep thing. To me the other stuff is much more likely to fall into place if you get adequate rest.

What is the situation with the 2.5 year old and sleep?

Are you and DP able to come up with a workablr plan whereby you both get some actual sleep?

One idea would be one of you does mornings saturday, and one on sunday. That way the other gets to have a slow morning, sleep in a bit and potter about.

It would be good to know what your normal sleep routine is so as to give some advice

Figrolls14 · 15/01/2023 19:42

It’s from not getting the time or the sleep op x you are not alone.
since Sept my youngest (4 soon) has started going to bed at 6:00 not 11pm and chinks of light are beginning to appear... hang in there

mycatsanutter · 15/01/2023 19:45

What do you do at the weekend ?

bonzaitree · 15/01/2023 19:46

I think there is such pressure to “live your best life” at the weekend and have plans all the time.

I dont think that’s realistic - especially at times of life where you’re only just getting through the week (trust me OP we have all been there).

Small changes are the way forward. If you’re knackered why not go for a nap? Watch a favourite film after the kids are in bed?

You could go and speak to the GP about depression if this doesn’t lift.

Goldbar · 15/01/2023 19:48

If you're financially comfortable, I'd book a babysitter one weekend morning a fortnight and go out. Go for a nice breakfast somewhere, have a swim, wander round the shops...or just stay home and sleep!

Butterflycatchers · 15/01/2023 19:49

Have more naps, they make a huge difference to me.
Think about what you liked to do pre kids, pick one thing and add it to the schedule.

ridemesideway · 15/01/2023 19:49

Block book a few hours to yourself every weekend. When my DS was a non sleeping velcro child I was too tired to go to the gym or for a run etc. So at the weekend during my time ‘off’ I’d go to the cinema or theatre for a matinee. No effort needed!

I also walked a lot wearing headphones and listened to audiobooks and interesting podcasts. Some of them gave me ideas for new hobbies to try.

crochetandacuppa · 15/01/2023 19:50

Can you afford therapy? It sounds like speaking to someone in a safe space could be really beneficial.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 15/01/2023 19:51

I think you’ve got to make a concerted effort to get out and do things.
go a local face book page and find out about a local book club/swim group/netball club….whatever. Just find something and set time aside for it.

if needed speak to your partner and make sure they make time for you to do something too.

i personally find weekends incredibly hard if I have no plan. I have to have some plan, even if it’s just a loose walk/lunch/clean/dinner/board game type plan. Otherwise I find the weekend drifts by.

Original poster
Littleelffriend · 15/01/2023 19:55

I’m sorry for everyone else who feels this way. I know it’s me that needs to make the changes, I’m just so tired.
For those asking about the sleep, it’s all my fault. I started bringing her into our bed when she was really little and now it still happens every night. She’s often awake for 2-3 hours in the night, or up and down, or wanting milk.
i actually don’t know what I want to do. I used to go to the gym, run, lots of reading. Now, nothing.
@BHRK @Ragwort you’re both right, we need to get some time , both of us. He works away often so I suppose I feel guilty if we’re not doing family stuff when he’s home. But judging by this weekend something needs to change

OP posts:
CandleCandleCandle · 15/01/2023 19:57

Could you try sleep training?

CandleCandleCandle · 15/01/2023 19:58

My DH and I used to give each other some time on both weekend days to do whatever we wanted. Sometimes I sat and read the Sunday paper or my DH would watch the football in peace. That worked well.

VivaVivaa · 15/01/2023 19:59

I hear you OP. Weekends really throw my DS - he’s shattered from 3 days at nursery back to back and he’s a creature of routine, so he inevitably spends Saturday being quite emotional and grumpy. DH and I both work long hours compressed into 4 days a week. We’ve never discussed it, but we seem to have fallen into the habit of doing absolutely everything together at weekends, so we never get proper downtime for hobbies. I 100% think that’s where we are going wrong, but it’s hard to find the energy to change it. Im almost a bit relieved when Sunday night rolls round. I don’t hate my life - that must be really tough for you - but I don’t currently find weekends particularly relaxing or enjoyable.

Augustlou30 · 15/01/2023 20:03

I think I felt the same when my kids were young, it was just one big slog with no breaks. I was also in an unhappy marriage however.

I didn't enjoy having young children at all (obviously adore my children). Now is better, they are 12 and 9 and I'm divorced (not advising this clearly). It does get better xx

BirmaBrite · 15/01/2023 20:04

He works away often so I suppose I feel guilty if we’re not doing family stuff when he’s home.

Don't feel guilty about not doing 'family stuff', all stuff is family stuff to small people because their family is always with them, whether is it is super exciting planned stuff or the mundane !