I hate my life/weekend

[Littleelffriend]

I have a good life. I have 2 beautiful children, wfh part time. Have a partner. No financial worries (not rich). But I hate my life.
At the weekend I just feel like I’m filling in time, waiting for it to pass. I have no real hobbies since having kids. Zero energy as my youngest doesn’t sleep. She’s 2.5.
I look like shit, kind of don’t care as I never do anything. I know it’s only me who can change things but how do I give myself a kick up the ass?

When ours were that little we focused on a child focused activity with a benefit for us. In particular a small soft play where we could see them from our table while enjoying a damn good breakfast.

@VivaVivaa thats exactly it, you explained it better than me.
@HackAttack you could be right, next weekend I am going to try this.
I think my brain is so wrecked from tiredness I can’t think of even simple solutions.

I find weekends the hardest with small kids. You're out of routine, you're tired. Our 4 year old is constantly needing entertain/engagement, so if we stay in, it's still a massive slog (or 4 hours of tv). I'm always looking forward to work on Monday for a break!
I'm pregnant now but when I wasnt, my husband and I would divide and conquer, and at least have half a weekend day to ourselves, at the gym, seeing friends, wandering round the shops. This really helps break up the monotony.
It's hard though! In January especially! The small kids years are a slog, people pretend they're all having lovely fun weekends but I'm sure in reality most of them are desperate for the sanity of work again.

@BirmaBrite @Thetractorjustmoved thank you both, the solidarity is helping

A friends Dad died last year and one thing he mentioned was the Sunday walk to the newsagent with his Dad and their dog. He was only little and they went the long way, so used to take quite a while, along the way they chatted about all sorts of things, years later he found out that his Mum took a long bath and read her book whilst they were out.

I feel the same - dread the weekends sometimes. Kids are 4 and 2 and find my husband and I just bicker all
weekend and the kids are exhausting and the eldest is super hard work. Hoping things will improve with age …

I could have written this pretty much word for word. Mine are 4 and 1 and despite comfortable circumstances it all just feels like a right slog at the moment. I think SAD is also a component for me, expect by the time spring comes it will feel less bleak. Solidarity to all those feeling the same way.

I was thinking exactly the same thing today. I work ft and I have a 4 year old. I feel depressed and de-motivated on the weekends. I seem to get through in the week, and I even look forward to weekends. But when the weekends come I’m completely exasperated by my life revolving around play centres and kids birthday parties. I’m bored. I have no life, no hobbies, no interest, no motivation to re-kindle any interest. A work colleague of mine booked a last minute weekend away to Berlin on Thursday and I couldn’t help but compare the differences in our lifestyles. I’ve done nothing today apart from clean, bark at ds for messing up the house, and glance at my phone. I want to be the fun mum who’s loving life with a child, but I’m not.

My advice would be to try everything you can to sort the sleep of your youngest. When you have a full night's sleep, things become possible again. You have more energy, more interest, more curiosity about life. There are lots of sleep advice geared towards toddlers - I'm sure you will have tried some of it but I would make sure you've tried everything to try to get it sorted. Really hope something changes.

I could have written this last year.

The key to my now happiness is every 2-3 weeks I get the whole day off and then the next day my husband gets the day off - by the other parent taking the kids out for the whole day (straight out after breakfast and back late afternoon).

Your sanity/wellbeing needs quality time alone.

Exactly, enjoying life means you have to get off your backside and participate, it won't land in your lap.

OP have you seen the nhs 5 steps for mental well-being? It’s actually pretty good. You could identify where you’re running a bit low low and try and build it up a bit?
Things always a bit shit in winter and if you can (and haven’t tried.. assume you have) try and get some sleep advice for the 2.5 yr old. Sympathies though, mine not sleeping through and I have a 10 week old as well so me and DH just trying to get through the days at the minute.

www.nhs.uk/mental-health/self-help/guides-tools-and-activities/five-steps-to-mental-wellbeing/

Harry - is this you?

I agree with this.
in an effort to be less fake with my three year old, I’ve stopped pretending to enjoy stuff I just don’t like doing and instead suggest the stuff I really like.
playing kitchens? No thanks. Cooking together? Yes please
trucks? No. Puzzle? Yes
peppa pig no. Shawn the sheep yes.
being made to me a horse? No. Doing a dance routine together? Yes
It’s made me feel less depressed at the weekends because I’m being myself and not pretending to be a great mum. And I feel like my daughter is getting to know me better thanks to the change in approach.

Take up canoeing. It takes ages and is exhausting and exhilarating. You'll all sleep really well afterwards.

Just wanted to say that you’re not alone OP! I also have two little DC and the weekends can be tough. The way I try to manage it is to plan ahead - have a friend with kids to meet, have an event to go to, and once a month me and DH are go out for a meal in the evening. It might not sound like much but just seeing some plans in the diary make me feel a bit more in control of the chaos. I’m also starting the year very overweight but slowly getting back into swimming a few evenings a week.

This sounds like such a great approach!

Ideas for your weekend.
Join a gym with a crèche and a cafe. This saved my sanity when my kids were that age. I put them in crèche for 2-3 hours. Did a class, had a swim then had a lovely breakfast someone else made in the cafe. My kids loved the crèche and were excited to go every week. It made me a better Mum and I enjoyed the rest of my time wi to them more once I had had some me time.
Try and get outside every day, be it a walk, trip to the local park, nearby Beauty spots etc.

I agree with taking some time out for yourself. My partner gets Saturdays and I get Sundays, we make sure at least one weekend a month this happens. Sometimes we get 3 weekends a month (always have one for family, something planned) sometimes we only get the one, but we make sure it is the one.

The only other thing I have found is that we have individual hobbies that we can do with DS, but he is older than yours, so that might be more difficult for now, but something to keep in mind

My oldest was like this at this age. When hubby was away for work I decided that that was the time to get this sleeping malarkey sorted: I refused a bottle and she screamed for 3 nights. But after that life got a whooollllleeee lot better. Big hugs - it's tough to reset the nighttime schedule, especially when you're running on years of broken sleep. 💔

Totally get you…4 and 1 year old here and weekends are hard. I definitely agree with carving out me time - I love running and have signed up for a half marathon in the summer so need to go out for long runs by myself 🥳😉Sunday or Saturday afternoons for training ! I also think the lack of routine is hard so I try and have planned activities. Saturday morning is two paid for activities with the 4 year old, think dance classes etc. Then Sunday morning is church, that takes 2 hours if you add in after church coffee. We also try and plan stuff we both enjoy. Due to their ages it is hard finding things we can do as a family, so it’s a bit of divide and conquer. Normally I take oldest to the cinema, or trampoling or the theatre, basically something we both enjoy and DH stays with the baby. Sunday afternoon I (it’s always me doing the planning not DH!) plan a family day out somewhere cheap, like NT property, but even that can be a slog. There are a lot of parties now for the oldest but I actually like them as the kids occupy themselves and I sit and chat to the other mums. Lots of wine and nice food in the evenings when they are in bed helps 😂👍. The thing I DREAD is weekends where there is nothing planned as it’s awful stuck in the house trying to entertain them both and they always seem to gravitate to me, so resentment sets in towards DH as i perceive him as having more ‘free time’. Every month or couple of months I also plan a child free day out with a friend, bottomless brunch or something. But I know what you mean, I prefer weekdays it’s a break 😂

Which is really difficult when you are suffering from lack of sleep and have hardly and time because of looking after small children.

I feel similar and have been in therapy a while which helps.

The youngest turning 3 has been a bit of a turning point too as the 2 children play together a lot.

I've also been trying to have a bit of time to myself, especially to do something I actually enjoy. It can be quite tiring to go to a lot of effort when you're tired but even just reading a book in peace is good.

I always feel so sad when I read threads like these. Being exhausted literally sucks the very life out of you, and my eldest was an absolute horror for sleeping. When she got to around 2.5 I fell pregnant again, and I just couldn't do the relentless wakings for another day. We sleep trained (far too belatedly) and within 2 weeks we had our evenings back, a much happier and less tantrumming child and the light started to creep back into our lives slowly but surely.

Just posting in solidarity. I frequently think that I hate my life over the weekend and two days a week when I’ve got the 1 and 4 year old on my own all day. I cannot join in with the “Fri-YAAAY!” chat at work as I am just filled with dread, and resentment of all the childfree people choosing how to spend their own time. Also we have to give a highlight of our week in a team meeting and my most genuine one was about getting a cordless hoover.
No advice, just, I get it.