I hate my life/weekend

[Littleelffriend]

I have a good life. I have 2 beautiful children, wfh part time. Have a partner. No financial worries (not rich). But I hate my life.
At the weekend I just feel like I’m filling in time, waiting for it to pass. I have no real hobbies since having kids. Zero energy as my youngest doesn’t sleep. She’s 2.5.
I look like shit, kind of don’t care as I never do anything. I know it’s only me who can change things but how do I give myself a kick up the ass?

I used to feel like this. DH was out at work all week and understandably wanted to chill at home at the weekend and I was like "GET ME OUT OF THIS HOUSE!!!!"

Yessss! Well done. I think you will both feel better after. That little bit of time refills your cup and makes time together better as you have more energy/ patience. Hope you enjoy it OP.

The early years with a non-sleeper are just brutal our moto was divide & conquer with the kids plus always “scheduling” in time for ourselves equally. Agreeing each night who was on duty, I did the most nights but every week my DH would try to take the lead for 1-2n and I’d go to bed early just to catch up and he would have the broken sleep with DD in the night. We minimised weekend plans just ensured we got fresh air. It gets easier as they get older and that dream moment about age 8, when you can start to leave them at activities to do something yourself is fab I took up running just to squeeze in something when they were doing a activity.

I remember those days which were only 3 short years ago. My kids are now 5 and 9. The relentless, exhausting slog! Weekends spent shopping, cleaning and a never ending list of chores that I couldn’t do in the working week, because the compressed 4 days I worked, started at 5am! I hated my life. I feel your pain. Now, on the other side, and the first thing I noticed was just getting a good nights sleep, made a world of difference. It does get better, but I know that’s hard to believe when you’re in it. Hang in there.

Not too different here.
we both work full time, and seems like weekends are only to tidy up the house, do the laundry and do the same thing over and over every weekend and I am also always tired. Then I’m the only one that thinks about going out and do “stuff”. Partner likes to lazy around doing nothing!!! Boring !
I slowed down. Choosing not to do too much anymore, I take the time to really rest or watch a movie without too much planning. Kids also need some time with no clubs or outings planned, they do!

It all pass!

now a days for me to have a little “me “ time off, I get the groceries list and go off to a day out shopping for myself and do the supermarket as well. I leave the kids with him.
I read books and go for walks and even stop at the pub for a pint on my own if I feel like doing it.

what I mean is that everything gets better with time, you just have to let it go and maybe do the simpler things and don’t worry too much.
time pass, kids grown up, life is boring… haha at least mine is not perfect, is just like this, boring af, but we are a peaceful and happy family.
i wish you luck :)

I sympathise….l look forward to going back to work on Mondays to get a rest 🤣

When my children were small I was a single parent and had to do everything myself! Sometimes I thought I would never get through it, and would just plod on and on! But would look for little things that gave me pleasure , it doesn't matter what it is something simple like watching a program you like in peace with a coffee and biscuit! Going to a toddler group and being able to talk to adults! Find your own little simple things, and as said above the really do grow and change very quickly! My youngest is 22! And I long for those baby days!! ❤️

No no no! Children are your life now. Spend weekends doing things with them don’t look for ways to do things without them. You will have a second childhood seeing them enjoy what you are providing for them. Go for walks with them, swim with them, play games, competitive ones, with them. Dance with them sing with them shop with them( you can only do one of your shops with them) . They are precious. These times are precious. You are no longer single/ childless. Accept that you have invested in the future and enjoy your investment. You, and they, will love it.

I used to feel EXACTLY like this, genuinely wondered where I had disappeared to. But as soon as my 2nd child hit about 3 and a bit - 4, it started to come back. As people say, be kind to you, and a few months later….on with the party pants!!!! (Disclaimer, while the size 10 party pants will now fit again, actual urge to party is curbed at 11pm due to early waking kids!! ;o) x

If you are sleep deprived than this will make you feel low ..
maybe focus on sorting your child’s sleep
and then you can sleep ..
it makes a huge difference ..
Do you take vitamins ..
esp vit D
do you get out for walks etc during week while work from home ..

Maybe arrange some fun stuff at weekends for yourself

Good grief. Yes this some of the time (it's next impossible to have kids and not be doing this stuff MOST of the time). But the fact you have kids does not obliterate the need to be alone sometimes (we all have that need), to enjoy adult company and adult conversation sometimes, to focus on our interests sometimes.

The all or nothing approach leads to parents being pretty crap I think - I know it does to me. If I feel like I never get time for anything but my kids and my work, I tend to subconsciously try and claw back "me" when in doing those things in really inadequate ways (mainly scrolling my phone or eating biscuits, both things you can do while halfheartedly working or half heartedly looking after young kids) and it makes me a shit inattentive parent/worker whilst also feeding my soul and body junk because that's all that's available to me in that context.

When I actually allocate time for me - to read, exercise, go out with a friend, cook a complicated meal, work on a project - then I can go all in when I'm doing the parenting and working too, as I'm replenished. Balance is so key to being able to really be in the moment and love it instead of dragging yourself through it.

This is me. I have lost myself and seem to exist as a snack bitch, taxi, cleaner and general drudge. I hate it and blame myself entirely for the situation. It’s so hard something had to give and that something was my fun! It’s based off your self worth I think. How can you go to the gym when you don’t value yourself? How can you put on make up when you don’t love your face? It’s really hard but the big thing for me is to just DO SOMETHING. And do it on my own. Even just washing my face! Or a half hour walk. It’s tough as hell. Sending love. X

@Littleelffriend you don't hate your weekend you hate how you think about your weekend. You think it will be bad/boring/ tiring/nothing to do etc etc.. and so it seems to be because you think it will be.. All our emotions are thoughts first, (then behaviors) if you think it will be .. Maybe try this weekend to just be in the moment.. try not to worry about what if's as they haven;t happened yet and could quite as easily be a joyous lovely weekend.. if you think it will be..xx

Not trying to be goady but what did people think having small children was all about?

Try harder

No, seriously!

Honestly the thing that would change EVERYTHING for you and your Partner is sorting her sleep.
Read through all the options and commit, or pay for a sleep consultant as nothing will change until this is resolved.

Good Luck op sleep deprivation is horrible (and bad for your health)

Definitely try sleep training.

I did a reply to this on page 3 for the other person who thought this was a helpful response.

Spending a bit of time on yourself each week is so valuable. I am on the other side largely of young kids now, but due to a large gap I’ve been parenting kids for 29yrs, with my youngest being 14 so still a few years to go. But I no longer need a babysitter and so my life’s much nicer now I can catch up with friends, got a boyfriend for the first time in years. My ex works overseas and I spent years with no time for myself. It’s only now I’m recognising that was not good and I really feel sad I can’t rewind and wish I’d put myself first a few more times.

You and your DP both spending 2/3hrs each weekend on your own hobbies or meeting a friend for a coffee / drink will be more worthwhile than just spending every weekend doing nothing as you feel like you should spend all the weekend together. You’ll value each other so much more when you feel like you’ve had a met of me time. Try and get a babysitter too, have a bit of time together, it’s just small things to look forward to that get you through the young children years. Also January is a miserable month!

I remember that age and it’s tricky but some small changes can create a domino affect of positivity. First thing in the morning is a great time to get out as it helps for the rest of the day. I started running. Just a pair of trainers & music, then every time I had the opportunity I would head out. First thing is great, walk a bit, run a bit, walk a bit, run a bit and really quickly it comes together and the mind benefits and flexibility with young children was brilliant.

This is burnout. You need some time to yourself. I’ve felt similar in the past with children similar ages- I started going to exercise classes which give me energy, keep me feeling positive and I made friends there, I took control of what I was eating after breastfeeding stopped. I booked a spa break with my friends, I schedule that me and husband have time to ourselves every few weekends. You need some date nights, and dinner with friends. I need things to look forward to. Force yourself to make and keep the changes then it will become habit, i hope you feel better soon xxxx

I have read all your posts-thank you all
@Cuppasoupmonster what was the point of your post? My dd1 slept through from 6 weeks, is never ill, really chilled, a great eater. Dd2 is the opposite. I am also older and have less energy.
I would love for us to have more date nights, am going to ask at nursery if any of the staff would be up for babysitting.
I’m also going to try and change my mental attitude.

You have no real worries Op. If you feel burned out it’s because you’re not centring enough of the day around yourself as well as the kids. I regularly sit on on the sofa and read my kindle for a couple of hours on Saturday morning while DD potters about playing with her toys and watching CBeebies. Then in the afternoon we go to the park or do something she wants to do. DH and I take it in turns to settle her, if it’s his night then I run a bath and soak in it for half an hour. It sounds a bit like you find it hard to mentally detach from your kids even when the opportunity presents itself.

It is *#t being a mum I hate my life I don’t feel I should have had kids. 10month and 28month old from hell. Daily being slapped screamed at by my son, he’s been an awful baby from day one. Second baby is lovely but at the standing stage and teething like mad so it’s hard work. I dread weekends, I hate the fact I feel the way I do. I need a break before I explode but just finishing my degree launching another business and working full time. Feel guilty about everything and when I take kids out it’s painful. Doomed if you do and doomed if you don’t. When does it get better? When do you feel less broken? I get out now and then I meet friends but I don’t get any joy, it’s all to pass some time and wish it away. My relationship is good and h is helpful but it doesn’t stop me feeling like I just want to be left alone.