I hate my life/weekend

[Littleelffriend]

I have a good life. I have 2 beautiful children, wfh part time. Have a partner. No financial worries (not rich). But I hate my life.
At the weekend I just feel like I’m filling in time, waiting for it to pass. I have no real hobbies since having kids. Zero energy as my youngest doesn’t sleep. She’s 2.5.
I look like shit, kind of don’t care as I never do anything. I know it’s only me who can change things but how do I give myself a kick up the ass?

Please don’t kill yourself. Why is your life shit can I ask?

I can relate to this, OP. I sometimes think that if I could just turn myself on standby I would. I'm not suicidal or anything. I suppose I'm just very tired and overwhelmed and it would be nice if I could just...stop. Just for a bit. I want to want to enjoy things, socialise, take care of myself etc but I don't have the motivation and I'm so far down my own list of priorities that I can't imagine actually doing any of this stuff.

I think we probably need to fake it 'til we make it. Perhaps if we can force ourselves to do some of these things then the motivation and enthusiasm will come.

I’m on my own a lot with 2 kids, one is a toddler and hardly sleeps. I find staying in the worst - I get down about making mess and feel like a drudge. So I take them out - even just a costa and park trip makes it feel so much better. Or a natter with a mum friend. Local museums are a good bet too. They won’t be this dependent on us forever though it feels hard now.

I could have written this a few years ago. The exhaustion just makes EVERYTHING worse. We actually stopped trying to force ds to.sleep the "right" way. If he came into.our room, dh just got up and went to his room and we all were back to sleep within minutes. Once some of the exhaustion eased up, other things did too.

But doing everything as a family is madness. We took turns to have lie ins every week. Usually inly until 9, but made a huge difference. Also took turns to take dc out or to stay in with dc while the other one went out.

Reading saved me. I always had (still do) kindle close by. If dc were quiet and etching tv or playing, I woukd whip it out.

I find weekends often quite difficult too. I have 2 kids, 10mo and 2yo. I'm still on mat leave but the weekdays have structure, 2yo goes to nursery a few days and there are baby and toddler groups.
My partner often works weekends, if the weather isn't great he will drive (instead of cycle) but this means I'm stuck at home with 2 kids. My saving grace is nap time!

After reading the responses on this post I do feel I need more me time, we give eachother lie ins but often he will go to football/gym/ pub. I often feel bad and offer to do something together when I have planned time alone 😐

honestly you are me! Just going through the motions so exhausted the whole time.

I don’t think I even realised how joyless I was being. Reached the end of my energy wick and just tonight gave little one to mil for a night.

So far I feel so much better. Just a few hours this evening. Knowing I will have a full nights sleep. Just stopping and letting go of everything. Had a bath. Had some time to think. I had wine time with Dp and chatted like old times.

I felt so guilty but honestly just get rid of the kids and reset. I actually feel normal again! No idea if this feeling will last tomorrow and for how long. Hoping the effects last a while.

Something that has really helped over these intense years with kids has been cultivating an inner life - I know that sounds a bit pretentious but I can’t really phrase it any other way. It’s helped me to get back into reading, watching films and taking an interest in what is happening culturally where I live (even if I don’t get to see much of it). I look forward to reading new books, am a regular back at the library (the kids obviously get a lot out of it too) and tonight I’m going out late to watch a film with a friend. I still look like a bag of spanners but I actually flossed and washed my face last night which seems like a spa day to me!

Op my children are now both school age and it's so much easier at this point, I promise! You are in what I called my surviving, rather than thriving stage. Very common if you don't have family to share the load of bringing up young children allowing you chance to recharge.

We definitely used to divide and conquer on the weekends - it's all family time. I would take them out to soft play/ breakfast/ library etc. I love walks and the outdoors but the constant rain over the last few months has put me off!

I used to co sleep too - that is taking one for the team. Let your partner share by giving you time on the weekend to recover, you must be so tired.

I found when my youngest was about 2yo that was when the need to refind myself again kicked in. I wanted more freedom and to go back to the gym, see friends more, go on courses for work. I had a brilliant 6 months - Just before covid kicked in! 🙄

Thanks for all the replies. It helps knowing that others are the same.
Re wfh, I think there is some truth in what some of you have said about it having impact on your self worth. I just wear joggies all day, no make up. Going back to the office would mean a commute again. I also manage to get a wash done etc during the day. It also means I get to drop off at school a couple of extra days a week which I like.
I definitely need a hobby. I think going back to the gym would be the obvious thing.
My partner doesn’t just work away in the week, he goes away for weeks at a time. We don’t have any family help really so it’s just me and the girls.
I’m going to talk to my DP tonight and try to carve out a couple of hours each at the weekend.

Can I just say as well I’m glad I found this thread 🙈, as was thinking it was just us struggling to get through weekends. Seems around 1 and around 4 are the worst ages. Glad other people are bickering with DH and struggling through the weekends as it makes me feel less alone. It’s all to do with social media. A friends of mine with similar age kids has just posted cheerily that they all went on a family hike, all smiling and I’m just thinking never in a million years would I get mine to do that without arguements and grumbling from DH and older DD mainly! Bet it’s all lies and begins the scenes they are all bickering as well 😂😂

My big revelation was: stop being a martyr. It doesn’t do anyone any good, and is such a default woman way of being (I learnt it from my mum, my grandma…)

This is very good advice. I only just realised that I'd learnt that from my own mum etc, when I realised that I booked a day off work to go out with my husband while our son was in nursery, and didn't tell her, for fear of looking like a shirker. I was worried she'd think I was a bad mum. Madness! But makes you realise how ingrained a lot of the mother/martyr stuff is, it's a sort of race to the bottom- if you haven't completely extinguished yourself then you're not trying hard enough to be a 'good' mum. Ultimately, it's not good for either parent.

A couple of things I did. We moved overseas when my Dd was 2. She started waking at night and coming into our bed. Obviously trying to sleep stuck between a wriggling toddler and snoring husband ruined my sleep.

We bought a small mattress which went on the floor next to my side of the bed. She would wander in, settle herself on the mattress and I would her stroke her until she went to sleep, but it meant I could get more sleep.

My husband could be away at weekends too. There was a neighbours Dd who was about 12, who would pop around to play with my Dd. I was always on hand, but it usually meant I could get on with chores. But I could have gone for a nap, or read a book. I can’t remember what we paid this girl, but it was worth it.

I have a really fond memory of the two of them in the garden making houses out of big boxes.

It could be worse. You could be working full time , and having to travel into an office on a daily basis. WFH PT sounds like bliss to me. Appreciate what you’ve got.

It's always possible to think of a situation worse than another (though that's subjective anyway) so how about instead of not trying to help anyone other than the person in the worst situation out of everyone, and telling everyone else they aren't allowed to find things hard, we try to help people who are finding things hard regardless

I think most mums with toddlers feel like this - it is really hard to make time for yourself as your priority is your family and you are always exhausted. This time will pass - your kids will get older and more independent and then you can have more time to yourself to pursue your interests. Before you know it they’ll be off to uni and then the fun can really start. Hang in there and try to get your partner to give you some me time even if it’s just once a month so you’ve got something to look forward to 🙂

No answers really but here for solidarity as I often feel like this. Having a toddler who doesn’t sleep can mean there’s not enough energy and motivation left for much else. I know it’s temporary and many many friends with older children has said it’s the toughest slog and it does get much easier and you have more time for “you” as they get older. X

this is me

I remember feeling that way with small children and, sometimes, I still do (especially with the very wet weather recently). It will get better as they get older, better at expressing their needs - and more fun. In the meantime, take small steps to feeling better. Get out for a walk in daylight - this is essential. Get vitamin D, walk with a coffee, whatever. Take turns with your husband to have a break (we used to do a lot of family things but the downside of that is that neither of you get a break). Read for 10 minutes an evening, do a jigsaw (I found these addictive in lockdown). Tiny things can make a difference over time.

I know the feeling. I make sure at the weekends I look after myself a bit more so I’ll plan nice food, maybe go out to eat with dh if we can get a babysitter or just dye my hair, do my nails, things to make me feel good again. It won’t always be like this. I do find some comfort in it though and love being at home.

You have inspired me, have booked a swim/sauna for Sunday morning. I had a chat to my dp earlier and said that I would like us to each have a couple of hours on the weekend to do something solo.

I think when you have a child of that age it is normal to feel like you do sometimes. It is a difficult time and hard to motivate yourself on little sleep. I’m sure the other responses will give you ideas but also just be kind to yourself and accept that it can be a hard phase having a young family and things will probably improve on their own to some extent.

I hate weekends too. I do the washing, a never ending task, tidying and cleaning. Whilst my ‘D’H has fun with the kids. I’ve been tempted to get a Below Deck style 3rd Stew t-shirt, as that’s what I feel like at weekends.

Could you catch-up on some sleep at the weekends, and that way you might find some motivation as you have more energy? Or try and do things you like with the kids? Swimming? The park? Or something else you enjoy? Life is sh1t sometimes but I hope it improves for you.

Lack of sleep has a huge huge impact. I would try and tackle that first. Also young kids are so draining! Don't beat yourself up over it OP.

I used to hate mine in the 80s when I was single and had no money for socialising. Sat in a bedsit in Chiswick (still hate Chiswick!) the only people I'd speak to would be sales asssistants.