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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH totally over-reacted

145 replies

niceduvet · 14/01/2023 20:05

Late morning today I went shopping in town and I realised on the drive down that I'd forgotten my phone (my fault I know). I told my daughter who came with me to let DH know that I would hope to be back home about 4ish (very approximately) as she had planned to go back home from town before me. I got rather delayed in one shop trying on multiple pairs of much needed new jeans (as I mine had bust in embarrassing places).

I finally got home at 5.45pm and found DH on the phone to the police in the process of reporting me missing, having already rung round most of of my work colleagues to ask if they'd seen me (I sometimes pop into work on a Saturday to pick up things to enable me to work from home sometimes). He'd got himself rather panicy because obvs he couldn't contact me as I'd left my phone at home. He was rather angry when I came through the door.

AIBU to feel his reaction was a bit OTT? He knows when I give him timescales they are approximate especially when I'm shopping. I know I was much later than I said and it's lovely that he cares but the police and all my colleagues - really?? He is prone to being a bit of a drama queen sometimes. I now feel rather embarrassed that I will have to explain to my colleagues when I next see them what happened. He feels he is entirely justified in his actions and would do the same again, despite me questioning whether he felt he was a bit rash!

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/01/2023 20:40

Utterly ridiculous and bordering on stalkerish

WhatDoYouWantNow · 14/01/2023 20:40

Bloody hell, is he always so ridiculous?

niceduvet · 14/01/2023 20:41

OK- just gor more info from DH (sorry to drip feed) - I had got frustrated and a bit cross with a shop assistant today because of a new ridiculous shop policy. This is totally out of character for me. DD told DH when she got home from town earlier than me as she was with me when said incident happened. She told DH that I was being feisty and I think she exaggerated what happened. This made DH wonder if I was possibly "having an episode" and combined with me being late made him call the police and try to report me as a missing person. I was not "having an episode". I have never in my life had "an episode" and am a competent individual with all my mental faculties.

OP posts:
LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet · 14/01/2023 20:41

Also OP was NOT ‘late’. Her husband is not her boss, she isn’t ‘due’ at any time. “I’ll be home about 4” doesn’t mean she has to hurry and not go places just in case her DH is tapping his watch for her

findmybalance · 14/01/2023 20:42

niceduvet · 14/01/2023 20:41

OK- just gor more info from DH (sorry to drip feed) - I had got frustrated and a bit cross with a shop assistant today because of a new ridiculous shop policy. This is totally out of character for me. DD told DH when she got home from town earlier than me as she was with me when said incident happened. She told DH that I was being feisty and I think she exaggerated what happened. This made DH wonder if I was possibly "having an episode" and combined with me being late made him call the police and try to report me as a missing person. I was not "having an episode". I have never in my life had "an episode" and am a competent individual with all my mental faculties.

OP- please listen to this.

You have a curfew. If you do something against the grain he claims you have mental health issues. He has embarrassed you to your colleagues and the police.

You ans your child are in an abusive relationship. How many other examples has there been like this?

AfterEightMintyCedric · 14/01/2023 20:44

This sounds less like anxiety and more like passive aggressive controlling behaviour to me.

HolyZarquonsSingingSeals · 14/01/2023 20:45

Tell him he is having an episode of hypermegatwattery.

Aproposofwhatnow · 14/01/2023 20:45

Your update doesn't make him sound any more normal.

He sounds mental and controlling.

20viona · 14/01/2023 20:46

Psychopath behaviour 🤣 JK. But no this is a complete and utter massive over reaction by him.

Chimna · 14/01/2023 20:47

findmybalance · 14/01/2023 20:42

OP- please listen to this.

You have a curfew. If you do something against the grain he claims you have mental health issues. He has embarrassed you to your colleagues and the police.

You ans your child are in an abusive relationship. How many other examples has there been like this?

I agree with this.

Eastereggsboxedupready · 14/01/2023 20:49

How is your marriage generally op? Is he staging you losing your mind?
And personally from this day forward I would be unavailable at 6.30. In fact from 5. 30 .
Join an activity that needs your phone off for that hour.
Tea at 6. 30 indeed.

oohokay · 14/01/2023 20:50

The update just makes him sound even more ridiculous

EyesOnThePies · 14/01/2023 20:50

What drama queens you live with.

But seriously, what right does he have to behave like that and then blame you?

JennyForeigner · 14/01/2023 20:50

Chimna · 14/01/2023 20:47

I agree with this.

Me too, and I hope the police had a strong word with your husband about time-wasting.

3luckystars · 14/01/2023 20:51

So your daughter got home and said ‘mum forgot her phone, she said she would be home after 4’ and he still was hysterical?

something is not right here at all.

YellowAndGreenToBeSeen · 14/01/2023 20:55

I agree with @findmybalance but in the off chance he’s not a controlling twant…

‘Hangry’ at 6.30?!

Have a fucking banana mate.

JollyHolly30 · 14/01/2023 20:55

Sounds like an absolute loser

niceduvet · 14/01/2023 20:55

Yes, hypervigilant is as a great word to describe how he is generally. He is now upset that I am annoyed that he contacted the police and my colleagues because: "You should be pleased that I care about your safety".

OP posts:
pinkfondu · 14/01/2023 20:55

It's all being focused on you, he had an issue and had an episode not you!

twabdry · 14/01/2023 20:55

Outtasteamandluck · 14/01/2023 20:18

Here comes the drip feed.....

You called it!

gamerchick · 14/01/2023 20:56

Fuxache. 🙄

dapsnotplimsolls · 14/01/2023 20:57

I suspect there are other examples of this kind of twattery.

Aproposofwhatnow · 14/01/2023 20:58

niceduvet · 14/01/2023 20:55

Yes, hypervigilant is as a great word to describe how he is generally. He is now upset that I am annoyed that he contacted the police and my colleagues because: "You should be pleased that I care about your safety".

He's a total creep.

riotlady · 14/01/2023 21:00

He sounds very controlling, OP. He is purposefully making your life difficult and guilt tripping you because you didn’t do exactly what he wanted you to do. I don’t believe for a second that he genuinely thought you were “having an episode” and if he actually DID then his anxiety issues are clearly severe enough that he should be seeing a doctor himself.

niceduvet · 14/01/2023 21:01

I can (sort of) get the being narked about the time I came in but not calling the police or my colleagues.

OP posts:
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