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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it any of his business?

112 replies

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/01/2023 19:46

Ex husband and I broke up in August 2021, we have two kids age 12 and 8. I met someone and introduced them to my kids and met there's in summer 2022 after we had been dating for six months. It didn't work out and we split in December. I have met someone else who seems great, we went on a couple of dates and arranged to meet up with our kids at the end of the Christmas holidays in a local country park. I introduced him to my boys as a friend and we weren't touchy feely or anything with each other. My ex found out through the kids and was not happy. He is annoyed the kids have met two bf in six months and feels I haven't known my bf long enough to introduce him. As I said the kids only know he was a friend, we had a lovely day out and my kids are happy and well looked after. AIBU to think that after 18 months apart it really isn't any of my ex's business and he need to keep out of it? My kids were fine when my last relationship ended.

OP posts:
SandyLanez · 14/01/2023 19:48

He can’t do anything about it but he is more than allowed to voice concern.

I’d imagine most good parents would voice concern in similar circumstances

20thcenturygirlwithherhandsonthewheel · 14/01/2023 19:48

hmmm… it’s not great for kids to have lots of different men in and out of their lives. And I think that a month to meet him is too soon

MuthaHubbard · 14/01/2023 19:52

It is his business if he has any concerns re the children you have together.

YABU introducing a boyf to DCs after such a small amount of time, let alone two. And they will know, whether you painted new one as just a friend. Bit insulting to them if you eventually introduce him as a boyf in a few months time

Cherrysoup · 14/01/2023 19:53

It isn’t ideal, is it? And your dc aren’t stupid, of course they know who/what your ‘friend’ really is.

Loput · 14/01/2023 19:54

YABU your ex is concerned for children understandably

winterchills · 14/01/2023 19:57

I get his point second man to meet ur kids in such a short period of time

ShakespearesBlister · 14/01/2023 20:01

Perhaps sort your priorities out. You shouldn't be introducing boyfriends to your kids full stop until you know the relationship is solid. If he was introducing your kids to various potential new mummies every five minutes you probably wouldn't like it much either.

KalvinPhillipsBoots · 14/01/2023 20:37

I agree with your ex tbh, put your kids first.

growgrowinggrown · 14/01/2023 20:49

Is this going to be a reverse?

ZekeZeke · 14/01/2023 20:53

I call reverse

YungDumbThrills · 14/01/2023 20:55

I agree with PPs, far too soon! My ex moved out of our family home and pretty much in with the OW and her kids (that's another story) and I wouldn't allow my DS to meet her until well after a year. He's yet to meet the kids. They need stability!

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 14/01/2023 20:57

Obviously so long as your children are safe and cares for it is for you to decide how you parent when they are with you.

Having said that I can understand t your ex’s concern. It just seems unnecessary to basically have a date with your children. I would have thought it would be more preferablE for you both to get to know each other without the kids about?

Serpensortia · 14/01/2023 20:57

He's right to be concerned. Your relationships aren't his business, but his children and their welfare is.

ThinWomansBrain · 14/01/2023 21:02

Seems quite soon - however how much time do your children spend with their father rather than you?
If it's regular time each week, use that time to see your BF/meet new people.
If they spend very little time with their father, suggest that he has them more frequently to give you the opportunity to develop new relationships.

FatAgainItsLettuceTime · 14/01/2023 21:03

He can't stop you as long as the kids aren't being harmed but I agree with him completely that you're timelines are ridiculously short.

You've only known and been dating this person for a couple of weeks, they do not need to be part of your children's lives.

underneaththeash · 14/01/2023 21:03

Prob a reverse…,

alwaysmovingforwards · 14/01/2023 21:05

It's your kids I feel sorry for.

Cornelious · 14/01/2023 21:07

Reverse. Don't think anyone could be so self absorbed. 18months and 2 men later. That's why you wait more that a year to introduce kids to a new partner. At 12 and 8 the kids aren't stupid and will know it's their parents new boyfriend/ girlfriend.

Original poster
Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/01/2023 21:07

@ThinWomansBrain in theory it's every other weekend and 1/3 of the school holidays but he is a bit hit and miss. Its not even that I would like him to have them more, just having them the time we have agreed on would be great 🙄

OP posts:
findmybalance · 14/01/2023 21:08

Sorry OP, you split with a man in December and met another one knowing him a maximum of what, three week, before you introduced him to your kids (friend or not, they're not stupid).

No, Op. You must know this isnt right.

butterfliedtwo · 14/01/2023 21:10

If this isn't a reverse, your priorities are off and YABU for that.

If it is a reverse, YABU for that.

Greensleevevssnotnose · 14/01/2023 21:12

Ewww your poor kids what morals are you teaching them?

Piffle11 · 14/01/2023 21:14

Of course he's not being unreasonable! You introduce your DC to a man you've been dating for six months: you split with him in December, have two dates – also in December - with another man, and introduce him to your DC a couple of weeks later. OP, he could be a total psycho. And now he knows your kids.

I know I'm being a little dramatic. But my sister did something very similar when she split up with her ex-husband. And the chap turned out to be a less than savoury character.

JackieDaws · 14/01/2023 21:16

Greensleevevssnotnose · 14/01/2023 21:12

Ewww your poor kids what morals are you teaching them?

That it's OK not to be an uptight prude?

Merryoldgoat · 14/01/2023 21:16

It’s not really his business but I think it’s poor parenting to introduce children to new boyfriends so quickly.

If my ex did this I’d be very annoyed by the risk to my children.