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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it any of his business?

112 replies

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/01/2023 19:46

Ex husband and I broke up in August 2021, we have two kids age 12 and 8. I met someone and introduced them to my kids and met there's in summer 2022 after we had been dating for six months. It didn't work out and we split in December. I have met someone else who seems great, we went on a couple of dates and arranged to meet up with our kids at the end of the Christmas holidays in a local country park. I introduced him to my boys as a friend and we weren't touchy feely or anything with each other. My ex found out through the kids and was not happy. He is annoyed the kids have met two bf in six months and feels I haven't known my bf long enough to introduce him. As I said the kids only know he was a friend, we had a lovely day out and my kids are happy and well looked after. AIBU to think that after 18 months apart it really isn't any of my ex's business and he need to keep out of it? My kids were fine when my last relationship ended.

OP posts:
Liorae · 15/01/2023 01:39

Greensleevevssnotnose · 14/01/2023 21:12

Ewww your poor kids what morals are you teaching them?

What do you mean by that?

Liorae · 15/01/2023 01:52

quietnightmare · 14/01/2023 21:22

Maybe wait some more time before you introduce boyfriend number 3 etc

She won't.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/01/2023 01:56

I don't think a 6 month relationship is serious enough to be introduced to your dc, it is still casual dating at that point really. I wouldn't be introduced a new partner until you knew it was a solid, long term relationship. I would be really unhappy with an ex introducing a string of casual partners to my dc.

WandaWonder · 15/01/2023 01:57

He has no right to comment on you going on dates with him as in your date and you alone

He does have a right to comment on any blokes that meet your children same as you can comment on women he dates that meet your kids

Copperoliverbear · 15/01/2023 03:51

I agree with Ex you should not be introducing your children to someone unless you are in a relationship for a long period. X

BunchHarman · 15/01/2023 07:20

What? You thought you only had to wait six months for the first boyfriend, but every subsequent boyfriend you could introduce instantly?

Baconking · 15/01/2023 07:29

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/01/2023 21:40

@Zanatdy I get what your saying but six months everytime? As the kids get older and I have been apart from their dad longer it seems a bit insane to stick to that. Genuine question as a fellow single mum, I am curious to hear what you think

Why do you need to introduce them?

You don't need to meet up on family dates, could you not just date 1 to 1?

SpaceMonitor · 15/01/2023 07:30

Your kids aren’t idiots. They won’t believe you’ve just decided to introduce them to a random male “friend”.

strumpert · 15/01/2023 07:30

He can't do anything about it except express an opinion.

But I wouldn't be happy about it so soon.

For context I'm long divorced my kids are adults and I've seen what the whole new gf stepfamily blending thing has been like for them

I've never introduced them to anyone. I never dated seriously when my kids were younger I had fwb or fuck buddies.

I've been dating a bloke now for 2.5 years and my grown up kids haven't met him yet. They will in the summer as I will meet his kids (who are younger - they are 18 and 16).

marcopront · 15/01/2023 07:49

If you don't think introducing them to new boyfriends is a problem why did you introduce him as a friend?

Original poster
Runningonjammiedodgers · 15/01/2023 08:40

Yes it is a reverse.

I posted on mumsnet from my perspective and was told 'leave him to it', 'its unlikely to harm the kids', 'you need to relax on this', 'its not a big deal' and 'it sounds like they had a really fun time'.

Someone did comment though that if it was a woman acting the same way she would have her ass handed to her. And yep, that turned out to be true. My ex hardly sees the kids and now he is bringing them along on dates with him.

OP posts:
ClubhouseGift · 15/01/2023 08:42

Runningonjammiedodgers · 15/01/2023 08:40

Yes it is a reverse.

I posted on mumsnet from my perspective and was told 'leave him to it', 'its unlikely to harm the kids', 'you need to relax on this', 'its not a big deal' and 'it sounds like they had a really fun time'.

Someone did comment though that if it was a woman acting the same way she would have her ass handed to her. And yep, that turned out to be true. My ex hardly sees the kids and now he is bringing them along on dates with him.

That’s the thing though, even if it was you doing it, your ex can’t do anything about it. And neither can you.

Unfortunately you just have to leave him to it.

Happin · 15/01/2023 08:45

I agree with your ex, he's got every right to voice his concerns where his kids are concerned, like I'm sure you'd do the same if this was him introducing women to your kids!

Aprilx · 15/01/2023 08:50

Runningonjammiedodgers · 14/01/2023 21:40

@Zanatdy I get what your saying but six months everytime? As the kids get older and I have been apart from their dad longer it seems a bit insane to stick to that. Genuine question as a fellow single mum, I am curious to hear what you think

What am I reading? You think it is ok to introduce your children to new men more frequently than every six months. Poor children, I cannot imagine having had a life like that.

strumpert · 15/01/2023 08:50

Reverses are so shitty.

Serpensortia · 15/01/2023 08:50

My comment remains the same regardless of it being you or he that is doing this.

It's nobody's business who the other dates, but you're equally allowed to voice your concerns in the interest of your children's welfare.

In your shoes, have a civil conversation with him. Tell him who he sees is his own business, but it is far too soon to be introducing your children to these new people.

I do feel sorry for the children in these cases. Parents do what the hell they want (or one of them does), and the kids are subjected to multiple partners coming in and out of their parents lives. Children need stability in their lives, not confusion.

strumpert · 15/01/2023 08:50

And I absolutely stand by my comment regardless of your sex.

Aprilx · 15/01/2023 08:51

Aprilx · 15/01/2023 08:50

What am I reading? You think it is ok to introduce your children to new men more frequently than every six months. Poor children, I cannot imagine having had a life like that.

Show quote history

Oh a reverse how annoying. But actually I think people would say the same thing no matter which parent.

Spanky123 · 15/01/2023 08:54

Happin · 15/01/2023 08:45

I agree with your ex, he's got every right to voice his concerns where his kids are concerned, like I'm sure you'd do the same if this was him introducing women to your kids!

This.

ForfuckssakeEXHstopbeingatwat · 15/01/2023 09:21

Ok, since it's a reverse, the situation is ever so slightly different. They live with you, a man in your life will significantly impact them, they'll see him a lot and form attachments if they like him or resentment if they don't. Just FWIW, I rarely see my partner of several years when the kids are about. It's a separate thing. I will not live with him or anyone else until they've left home. For your ex, who only sees them rarely and briefly, it's still crap, but for different reasons. He should be focusing on them for those brief times and not using them as props on his "aren't I a wonderful dad" show. But it's less likely to be harmful to them than if their primary carer has a number of new partners in and out.

Happin · 15/01/2023 09:23

Happin · 15/01/2023 08:45

I agree with your ex, he's got every right to voice his concerns where his kids are concerned, like I'm sure you'd do the same if this was him introducing women to your kids!

I stand by this knowing its a reverse.

Sodamncold · 15/01/2023 09:29

The thing is OP…. The split with your ex… that would have been a difficult time for you, you would have been distracted and probably upset at points. That would have impacted on your children.So they see their mother like that and… oh a new man on the scene. If this one also goes down the tubes, again… distracted and upset mum. And so the cycle continues

DadANDPK · 15/01/2023 09:31

Greensleevevssnotnose · 14/01/2023 21:12

Ewww your poor kids what morals are you teaching them?

@Greensleevevssnotnose

err... that adukts have relationships?!?!

that as an adult you have every right to end a relationship if it's not right for you & it's perfectly normal to start a new relationship.

sges seeing them, she's not moved them in.

@Runningonjammiedodgers I think the 2nd bloke is probably a bit soon to introduce to the kids, but as long as he's just a b/f and you're not planning on moving him in, it's fine. I don't agree with the MN mass thst you need to be with someone until you're ready to collect your pension befire kntroducing them to your kids.

Sodamncold · 15/01/2023 09:31

In the space of 18 months your young children have seen

their mum and dad’s relationship break down
their mum with a new man
their mum and new man’s relationship breaking down
their mum with another new man

what kind of example are you setting for relationships op?!

strumpert · 15/01/2023 09:36

Sodamncold · 15/01/2023 09:31

In the space of 18 months your young children have seen

their mum and dad’s relationship break down
their mum with a new man
their mum and new man’s relationship breaking down
their mum with another new man

what kind of example are you setting for relationships op?!

It's a reverse.