Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

Husband doesn't contribute

122 replies

gonewithtthewind · 14/01/2023 08:53

I'm currently heavily pregnant so probably getting annoyed at things more than I usually would.

He doesn't really do anything around the house, if I ask him he says he'll do it but then it doesn't get done for about 3 days. Like the pots ect. He does the cats litter boxes at the moment as I currently can't and he keeps moaning about it and saying how he can't wait for me to be able to do it again.

One of our cats always wants to be up at 4am, it's always me that has to get up with him. I'm exhausted, he stays in bed until 11/half 11 while I try and sleep on the sofa as the cat won't settle. I've had hardly any sleep, I'm meant to currently be on bed rest, yet I've been awake since half 3 and the cat won't let me sleep! I have pre eclampsia and I've just had a difficult pregnancy. He said he's start locking the cat out when he starts being annoying but he never does, which then wake me up and I don't get back to sleep, so end up getting up with the cat.

Just ranting and so exhausted. 🙁

OP posts:

Ursuala · 14/01/2023 08:54

A new thing? Presumably you’ve lived with him for years?

Sunsetintheeast · 14/01/2023 08:54

whqt does he bring to the relationship? what is positive?

Hiddenvoice · 14/01/2023 08:56

You need to sit him down and explain all of this. If you’re meant to be on bed rest then you need to stay in bed and leave him to everything. Even if the house is getting messy, as hard as it is, try ignore it and let him deal with it. Phone his parents to come round and help their son clean up his mess.
How is he going to cope with a newborn if he is incapable of getting up in the night and having long lies? Sadly his sleep is going to be almost non existent soon so he really needs to buck up.

It seems like he is used to you doing everything for him but you’re his wife not his mother!

Leothebear · 14/01/2023 08:56

Who is doing all the house chores right now since you are on bed rest?

carmenitapink · 14/01/2023 08:57

Why are you having a baby with him? It will sadly only get worse 😭

Original poster

gonewithtthewind · 14/01/2023 08:58

Leothebear · 14/01/2023 08:56

Who is doing all the house chores right now since you are on bed rest?

OP posts:

carmenitapink · 14/01/2023 08:58

If he wants to be treated like a child but a big white board so you can write his chores on, and when he does then he gets a big tick and some sweets.

Stop doing his laundry / making food for him etc until he does his part

Bubblebubblebah · 14/01/2023 08:59

Good luck... You will need it.

Wtheck though about the cat. Honestly. Think. You are not letting just your husband to walk over you, you are also a doormat for your cat.

Coffeeandchocs · 14/01/2023 09:01

Yet another “help! my partner is a lazy sod and I’m pregnant/have a baby” thread.

Seriously, what possesses you women to have babies with these men?!
He’s lying in until midday when you’re supposed to be on bed rest. Do you expect he will have a sudden shift in personality and morals once the baby is born? No, he won’t. He’ll continue being his lazy, inconsiderate self and you’ll be left holding the baby.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/01/2023 09:01

What is the point of this man? What on earth is he doing lying in until 11am with a pregnant wife… does he not work?

Based on what you said it’s a LTB.

MajorCarolDanvers · 14/01/2023 09:03

Go to bed.

Pre-e is really serious for you and baby

Bed rat is to keep your pregnancy going as long as possible. Next step is bed rest in hospital and then prem birth.

The house, the cats, your DH don't matter just now. Go to bed and stay there.

As for DH you need to lay down the law. By continuing to do everything even when you have a very serious medical condition you are enabling him to continue. It will only get worse when baby arrives. Unless you put your foot down.

But go to bed.

AreOttersJustWetCats · 14/01/2023 09:04

Why on earth does anyone have to get up for the cat? I get that it might need feeding, but you could go back to bed after. I've had cats, and getting up so that they can settle is not a thing!

AreOttersJustWetCats · 14/01/2023 09:06

Coffeeandchocs · 14/01/2023 09:01

Yet another “help! my partner is a lazy sod and I’m pregnant/have a baby” thread.

And I agree with this. It doesn't sound like this lazy man is going to change.

Leothebear · 14/01/2023 09:06

gonewithtthewind · 14/01/2023 08:58

Show quote history

Please stop. You are not an hero. If you have pre-e, it is serious and you should follow your doctor advice.
Tell him that he has to step up. It can only get worse when the baby arrives.

Good luck 💐

Ragwort · 14/01/2023 09:08

Why are you having a baby with this waste of space who can't even look after a cat?
Did he really want a baby?
Sorry to sound harsh but I just can't understand how you could have thought he would make a decent father. .

SallyWD · 14/01/2023 09:08

I'm a big cat lover and treat my cat royalty! But even I wouldn't put up with the cat waking me up at 4am every day. That needs to stop, especially as you're about to have a baby! Can't you shut the cat in the kitchen at night? Make sure they have food, water, access to outdoors (or a litter tray) and then wear ear plugs and sleep?
But anyway, your DH doesn't sound useless and uncaring.

SallyWD · 14/01/2023 09:09

I meant you DH DOES sound useless!! Not doesn't.

Original poster

gonewithtthewind · 14/01/2023 09:10

Ragwort · 14/01/2023 09:08

He never used to be like this. It's only been this way since I've been pregnant

OP posts:

MeghanThyStallion · 14/01/2023 09:10

If you feel safe doing so, please go to bed and tell your husband that he needs to step up.

If you don't feel safe, or if he doesn't immediately take over so you can go to bed, please call your midwife and tell her everything. She can get cogs moving to get you safe and able to rest.

JanusTheFirst · 14/01/2023 09:10

Tell him to get his shit together or hire a cleaner.

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/01/2023 09:11

Get the pregnancy and birth out of the way first and then I would seriously ditch him. This won’t get better.

WeepingSomnambulist · 14/01/2023 09:13

Is this new? Or was he like this before you went and got pregnant?

Just sounds like you picked the wrong man. This is who he is. This is who he had always been. He didnt hide it. You picked him married him. You got pregnant by him. Why did you expect him to suddenly be a new person?

You knew who he was. You had all the freedom to not be with him and find someone you were actually a team with. But now you're pregnant.

Up to you what you do but he will not change and you've made things much harder for yourself.

euff · 14/01/2023 09:14

He never used to be like this. It's only been this way since I've been pregnant*
*
Truly? It sounds like he's not happy with having to step in to do the things you used to do?

With your condition do you have extra checks with midwife or something? If so, could you make him be a part of one of those meetings if you think she is going to confirm that doing these things is dangerous for you in your condition?

BMW6 · 14/01/2023 09:14

Tell him to get his act together or a) get a cleaner or b) Fuck Off (and use CM to get a cleaner)

Addicted2Kale · 14/01/2023 09:14

That's what you chose. That's what you signed up for. You clearly feel he is worthy of producing a baby for, so why complain about his behaviour now. Live with it, basically.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5