Husband doesn't contribute

[gonewithtthewind]

I'm currently heavily pregnant so probably getting annoyed at things more than I usually would.

He doesn't really do anything around the house, if I ask him he says he'll do it but then it doesn't get done for about 3 days. Like the pots ect. He does the cats litter boxes at the moment as I currently can't and he keeps moaning about it and saying how he can't wait for me to be able to do it again.

One of our cats always wants to be up at 4am, it's always me that has to get up with him. I'm exhausted, he stays in bed until 11/half 11 while I try and sleep on the sofa as the cat won't settle. I've had hardly any sleep, I'm meant to currently be on bed rest, yet I've been awake since half 3 and the cat won't let me sleep! I have pre eclampsia and I've just had a difficult pregnancy. He said he's start locking the cat out when he starts being annoying but he never does, which then wake me up and I don't get back to sleep, so end up getting up with the cat.

Just ranting and so exhausted. 🙁

If he’s only been like this since you got pregnant, he’s preparing you for what he will be like once the baby’s here. Rehearsing with the cat, then when he’s the same with the baby you will complain less because you’ve worked round him and enabled him to be lazy.

Pre-e is dangerous. I had it right at the end of my pregnancy and DD and I nearly died. Seriously. It was touch and go.

Do not do chores. Rest in bed. This is serious.

I meant to add, you need to get this sorted before the baby comes, cos it's going to be a hell of a lot worse otherwise.

This is awful op. I have 4 cats and they are family and like my babies - but no way would I let them get me up at 4am. If he's hungry leave a lot of dry biscuits out overnight.

And yes your H should be taking over the chores. But if he refuses to step up can your mum or a relative come and help you?

I'm sorry OP but it will get worse when the baby comes, been there. I carried on doing everything and enabled a useless man- child. I'm paying for this mistake now. Don't let this continue....PS why do you need to stay up for the cat?

Really??? Or has he always been like this, you just didn’t notice and got on with doing all the work but can’t now you are pregnant.

Go to bed.
Put cat flap on out only at night. Or put cat out at night.
If he really has only jus been like this since you've been pregnant have a very serious talk with him. If need be go and stay with someone else. Pre eclampsia is very serious.

And in nearly all of these threads, after being told it was unwise to have a baby with a lazy man, the OP will claim it hasn’t always been like this.

So, this man you married, was kind, considerate, fair, shared the household workload, treated you with respect and then you conceived his child and he suddenly became a lazy man child?

I doubt it.

And you’re having a child with this prick? Lord help you 😨 Get ready for doing pretty much everything for the child too because I’m pretty sure he’ll leave all that to you aswell.

I'd tell him everything you've said here. Wtf is he thinking, letting you do everything?

And sort out the bloody cat. Shut it in the kitchen, somewhere you can't hear it. If it's still acting like this when your baby is here it will drive you mad and you will want to kill the cat, believe me.

Could you pay for a cleaner to come and do a deep clean before baby is here? But I'd list everything that has to be done and tell dh it was down to him as you are growing his baby and at risk of a life-threatening illness.

See what he's like when the baby is here, but be prepared for him to be no use at all.

Do you have other support? Make use of them. And good luck.

I’d probably get rid of him and the cat. Baby’s involve a lot of sleep deprivation. I wouldn’t be allowing anything else to be keeping you awake.

You need to get strict with the cat for a start

Our cat gets shut in the back room every night 11:00pm onwards so he has the back room and kitchen to himself and we have a cat flap

Next is your husband. Sounds like he really needs to book his ideas up, is this your first child?

He's in for a big shock

All I can think of is:

• why are you with the man?
• why are you having a baby with this man?

I assume the laziness and selfishness are not new behaviours, so I don't see why you would expect him to act any different now.

Wait what?
You’re getting up at 04:00 to settle a cat?

That aside… he’s an arsehole, and that’s not going to change. Either get rid of him now, or if it’s more practical (financial reasons?) to wait until after maternity leave, then bide your time, make your plans, and save some sanity knowing it’s not forever. Focus on your baby, don’t do things for your husband, and try not to waste your mental energy on him either.

Ignore people who say you knew what you were getting - you didn’t.

You're doing everything while meant to be on bed rest for pre-eclampsia?

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, FUCK.

This isn't an "oh aren't men useless tee-hee" situation, or even a fucking lazy arsehole situation. He's putting your life and the life of your baby at risk. He doesn't give a shit about either of you.

This is not funny. This is "leave right now" territory. You will never be able to come back from this. Particularly if you go into premature labour, or have a fucking stroke!

Go to bed right now and stay there!

And I’d assume you’d bother to read all OP’s posts before posting, there’s only two, but seems my assumption was wrong too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Well this is a very big wake up call to you that he will be a shit father and an even shitter partner. I would leave to be honest. I could not be in the same room as someone who treated me with such contempt and disrespect. Your baby deserves better.

I mean. Jesus Christ. If I was told to be on bed rest with pre-e, DH would practically hog tie me in there. He'd tell the DCs strictly to go to him for everything. He'd tell me not to even think about trying to do anything. He'd bring me stuff all day long. Because he'd do anything to make sure our baby and I were OK.

With the cat, he’s potentially bored: try a food timer set to go off at about the time he wakes you. Fill one half with half of his breakfast and the other half with a catnip toy. Or if he’s particularly clever, get tiny mini ball feeder and put that inside the timer with treats in.

Or shut him out.

With the partner; skip straight to shutting him out.

Firstly you don't need to get up with a cat, cats are independent yes they may be irrating doing zoomies up and down the stairs at 3am or miaowing but they will settle down eventually.

Secondly, stop doing it all. Go back to bed if he questions "doctors said bed rest, so that's what I'm doing. Stop being a lazy pig." Rinse and repeat.

Wow! How nasty are you?

Stop kicking people when they're down

Err I bloody wouldn’t get up for a cat either, so I’m with your DH on this one.
However, he still sounds like an arse!

There is no way he suddenly stopped helping around the house because of you being pregnant.

More like you’ve only just noticed because you have to do everything and he’s complaining about it.

You watch. You’ll have the baby, and you’ll be responsible for the entire house, and the baby. He won’t get up at night to feed or change the nappy.

The cat is the easiest thing to deal with. Shut it in a room with dry food and water etc and ignore it till morning, it will learn to stop this behaviour if you don't enable it. Put some white noise on or some earplugs in and don't pander to it again.

The partner sounds like a lost cause though.

Nip this in the bud now before baby arrives otherwise you will be on here in 3 months time saying he doesn't change a single nappy, doesn't hover fo his own washing etc etc etc.

Sit down and have a Frank conversation that he stops this now you are not maid, housekeeper or cook and that from now on he pulls his own weight and steps up.

Christ - go to bed woman! It’s a bloody cat! It will be fine until you wake up! Toss it a biscuit and get yourself snug.

Re the husband/ pre-e. Again go to bed. Do not move. Your life and your babys life is on the line. Don’t get out of bed for any reason except loo visits and food (by which I mean quick food- sandwich etc.)

Do not do anything else - it can wait.

make a decision about your OH once baby comes but be prepared to kick him out. This is only going one way in my view.