To think I’m not lazy/a shit housekeeper but would like your opinions please

[Amialazymum]

So I have a lot of jokey comments from my husband and his mum and dad (mum mainly!) about how bad my housekeeping is. They do praise my parenting and we all get on well, I do think they genuinely mean them as jokes although I think MIL maybe does mean them a bit as well but it’s Ok. However I am wondering if I should be trying to do a bit more.

I work 3 days a week. On my two days where I’m not in work I try to do some laundry (mostly putting it away) in the morning when I get up with ds. We go to groups in the morning and then out to the park. Lately I’ve been going to a supermarket for lunch as kids eat free and to be honest it’s one less thing to do housework wise. Toddler has been refusing to nap but does still need it and the only way I can do this is in the car! I nip in and out of the house and do quick tasks like empty dishwasher and so on as DS sleeps on the drive but I can’t do anything major.

He has tea at around 5, bed at 7 after a bath and books at about 6. This is the time when I should be doing house stuff and I’m guessing this is where most people do it? But I’m so tired!

I am only really scratching the surface and I need to do things like organise properly cleaning the kitchen and bathrooms, hoovering and so on. Just wondering how others manage?

And your husband’s contribution is …?

What’s your husband doing? Why is this seen as your sole responsibility?

we cant judge without seeing your house

Is it clean and comfortable? It doesn't have to be a show home.

Toddler sleeping on the drive is something you could change, if you want more time - he doesn't need a nap, so you could be inside doing some tidying together, if you wanted to

What the absolute fuck have I just read? How fucking dare they?
I cannot believe you have genuinely just asked what you should be doing better, and not something like 'can you tell me a polite way to tell my pil and dh to fuck off.'

The answer op, is that people in clean houses with toddlers and one parent who works ft and one who works 3 days - have 2 parents that contribute to house work.

Oh, and others manage when there’s two grown adults who both take responsibility for general household tasks, which is what I’d be replying to his mum’s ‘jokes’.

So you work 3 days, care for a toddler 2 days and you are also supposed to do all the housework? Ideally during these hours?

I am not getting it. I mean, maybe you could run the hoover round while ds does an activity or dishwasher erx, but proper cleaning with a toddler is impossible.

So.surely cleaning should be done in a shared way by you ans your dh either after hours or on weekends. Or you get a cleaner.

I think you are absolutely fine.
If anything chill on your phone while your child is asleep in the car to keep them safe.

When you are not at work you are looking after your child.

Perhaps a weekend morning if your husband is off work one of you could look after your child and one do some housework?

When your child is in nursery or school, if you stay part time you will have more time.

Do you do any housework other than washing and dishwasher? I don't see anything else mentioned.

I’m glad you said that @BlingLoving as lots of comments on here say to involve the toddler but mine just wreaks havoc! He doesn’t mean to but for instance as I’m taking clothes out of the drier and folding them he puts them back in the drier - ‘helping!’

DH does do bits but you’re right, it’s annoying I am deemed a hopeless housekeeper while he isn’t. Inherent sexism I suppose.

My dc are at school. I work ft from home. Dh works part time and is caring for his mum who is frail. Between us we just about keep on top of daily things like
general tidying and washing and dishwasher, cooking etc. We have a robot vacuum so I run that somewhere most days first thing.

Laundry is a team job and feels relentless.

We survive because we have a cleaner once a fortnight. Dh changes the bedding and we share cleaning the bathrooms on the week she doesn't come.

How you are supposed to do it all alone, while working and caring for a toddler is beyond me.

Perhaps his mum and dad are, in a round about way, offering to pay for a cleaner? I can't think of a more thoughtful gift for working parents of a three year old.

Same question from me

I assume the days you’re not working you’re doing childcare, which is work. If the kids were in nursery then I’d expect you to do the bulk of house chores, but that doesn’t seem to be the case.

I have a cleaner because I’m not even pretending to have time or inclination to do it.

There’s no time to do things I actually want to do or sleep. I’m not scrubbing away at bedtime.

@megacat i do but if I am honest not regularly and not as much as I should. I do try to keep on top of keeping the floors clean downstairs (wooden flooring) and I always used to do that while DS napped and it meant everything was tidied. Now he won’t nap unless I go for a drive (trust me he does need it!) so it’s trickier. I used to clean the kitchen regularly too but have been struggling with this. I was really ill just before Christmas - I know everyone felt rough but honestly I’ve never been as unwell as that before, and it took me a while to feel OK again even when I was ‘better.’ And I’ve just struggled to get back into a routine.

I got a cleaner.

Am DESPERATE for a cleaner and I think we will have to, it’s just money.

This is really weird. 95% of the responses have detailed your dh needs to do more or you get a cleaner. You seem to have missed them op, and honed in on the only comment which suggested you clean with your toddler.

Different people have different ideas of clean and tidy, but the responsibility lies with both adults in the house.

You're looking after a toddler on your non-working days.

It's reasonable to find some systems to keep on top of things so that toddler days don't leave the house in a bigger mountain of chaos than they begin. I found finding some systems like TOMM helped because it broke tasks down and it's 30 minutes a day.

Your husband and is parents need to stop with the sexism though. It's not a woman's job to clean the house and he needs to be doing his fair share instead of mocking you.

Do they really comment? What is the context? I can't imagine anyone saying 'your floor needs cleaning' or 'when did you last clean your kitchen?'. I would avoid meeting them in your home if they are going to be rude about your housekeeping standards. They don't need to know the details of how you spend your days out of work.

Not at all, it’s just I’ve already answered that in a sense and agreed inherent sexism is at place whether intended or otherwise.

Do you and DH split the housework between you at weekends then? Just wondering how the housework gets done? If it's DH doing all of it then that's not fair on him either. Looking at your weekday routine, I'd be splitting housework 50/50 on weekends.

So, do you and your family jokingly say to your dh that he's bad at earning money? And would his response to that be to passively wonder how he could do better?

I know @Ragwort and I was careful in my OP about explaining they really aren’t nastily meant comments, they are genuinely just jokes and made in good humour and affection and I respond similarly. And they do praise my parenting which is nice to hear.

@rainbowandglitter a lot of stuff just doesn’t get done, or if it does it is very ad hoc and usually prompted by a relative suggesting they visit and we charge around panicked cleaning …