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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To try and get my awful colleague sacked

235 replies

WhenHarryMetSandro · 14/01/2023 08:21

Some background is that I returned from maternity leave in October and my reduced days (went to 4 days) meant that my maternity cover has remained in the business in a slightly senior role to accommodate my reduced hours and so she has retained some of the admin parts of my role. She was part of the team and was given the ML cover in what I believe was an error of judgement from management. She got it after the person given it went on long term sick leave a week after I left. She was hated at the time by the team. She now has no line management responsibilities and I think misses the control.

She is still hated by the team. She is a micromanager, rude, disrespectful and generally, a jobs worth that tells on people like the teachers pet at school. She isn’t well liked around the rest of the business and people often comment on their displeasure of interacting with her. She will do things to make things harder for my team who are all great, hard working and lovely people. I cannot understand why! They really tolerate her BS most of the time. She will get involved in things that don’t fall under her job just to be a cow and ruin something for someone else. She usually gets nothing but support but she is pushing people to the point of leaving and getting sick of it.

Two of my team left during my ML time because they couldn’t stand her as their manager.

Things she has done recently that makes me think she is an arsehole are as follows :

sent round the company policy about not using the company printers for colour when a team member (worked at the company 10 years, always lovely person) printed out 5 sheets of A4 paper in colour for a charity function as her own printer had shut down whilst printing those last 5 pages. I had given the ok to do this. She knew this and still complained about it.

tells tales to me if my team are 2 minutes late getting to work. I don’t want this level of observation. it’s weird and unneeded.

insists on working in freezing cold temperatures and often sets this to her preference despite it being uncomfortable for the rest of the team who sit in hats and gloves to accommodate

has thrown away birthday cakes brought in by the team members if they’ve haven’t accommodated for her specific tastes (not allergies, just cake preferences)

I have made some adjustments to work shifts to create better work life balance for the team which has been well received by the team and she has painstakingly reviewed our company policy and flagged why I can’t or shouldn’t have done this despite knowing the team really would benefit. it’s a grey area and at managers discretion as long as it benefits the team with no detriment to the business. which it doesn’t.

Checks up on my own work and that of others. We are all very capable, intelligent people and she takes great pleasure in pointing out of anything looks out of the ordinary which normally back fires as there is a reason for it. It’s just embarrassing that my team or I feel we then need to explain or justify to her (we don’t)

AIBU to think that getting this person out of business is the only reasonable thing to do. Any advice? I’m half joking really. I appreciate times are hard at the moment so don’t like the idea of someone losing their job but she is just awful. How do you deal with people like this? She has been at the company 5 years now and has been awful the entire time. Makes most of us dread working and each interaction leaves a sour taste for days. Always the busiest person, always the person who doesn’t need to muck in. Always a tell tale. Always got an eye over her shoulder despite us being a really nice and supportive team. I mean, aside from this post but it’s past the point of thinking she will see the light.

OP posts:
WhenHarryMetSandro · 14/01/2023 09:07

Soontobe60 · 14/01/2023 09:05

My DH might be considered by some of his colleagues to be ‘petty’ because he has to work according to the rules. So is never late, wouldn’t dream of personal use of office resources and would comment to people if they did. It’s not because he wants to be ‘right’, it’s because he can’t comprehend that others might ‘break the rules’. It’s how his brain works. He becomes very anxious and confused when someone rocks up 5 minutes late every day without a good reason. It absolutely drives him bonkers.
He’s not petty, he’s ND. As are many other people in the workplace. But hey, just call them petty and laugh at their issues.

I’m ND and I mind my own business just like lots of my ND friends. I hate ND being labelled this way automatically that they are sticklers and cannot possibly read the room at all.

OP posts:
Mouthfulofquiz · 14/01/2023 09:08

All I can say OP is start sharing the pain with your managers. Start highlighting how much time is being lost, how damaging it is to the culture of your team, etc. I used to get phone calls on my day of every week ‘so and so left the desk for 5 minutes’ ‘so and so used the wrong staff entrance’. I DON’T CARE. She would always say things like ‘this wouldn’t be acceptable in big business’. We weren’t anywhere near ‘big business’. More like a medium sized family firm, in the countryside, with nice customers and a nice feeling about the place.
it was painful and difficult to move her on but afterwards the dynamic of the place changed and it was, and still is a palpable feeling of relief. I reckon I’ve got 5 hours of my week back easily.

WhenHarryMetSandro · 14/01/2023 09:09

Soontobe60 · 14/01/2023 09:07

It’s grim. Who wants to eat cake that someone else has blown all over?
I wouldn’t have thrown it away, but I certainly wouldn’t eat it.

We don’t actually blow on it!! We just remove the candles I was setting the scene of the kind of environment it is

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 14/01/2023 09:09

tenbob · 14/01/2023 09:06

Wait, who DOESN’T?!

Ive worked in various different offices from PLC head offices to trading floors to start ups, and have always seen people getting a cake and happy birthday sung (not candles at the PLC because the fire alarms were nuts sensitive)

Where I worked the tradition was for colleagues celebrating a birthday to bring in treats for the rest of the team.

Nishky32 · 14/01/2023 09:10

So you light candles. No-one blows them out and then you remove them?

Aprilx · 14/01/2023 09:10

Why didn’t one of you say “Oi what are you doing with that cake?” when she picked it up and walked towards the bin with it forty five minutes after you all sung happy birthday and blew out candles.

Mouthfulofquiz · 14/01/2023 09:10

People really seem to have a problem understanding on here, that workplaces exist where people are friends and want to celebrate each others birthdays and share a cake! Do people really go through life not eating a cake that someone else has blown out the candles on. Christ.

IVFbeenverylucky · 14/01/2023 09:10

If she really is that awful and everyone, or lots of people, agree with it, then I would suggest you put in a collective grievance, and stress that none of you are prepared to continue working with her.
If it's collective, then HR can't single anyone out, and presumably the company is not going to want to let a whole team go (particularly not with general workplace shortages atm). A company can get rid of someone because lots of employees will not work with them - it's called some other substantial reason in law.
If you are in a Union you could try getting them involved, but I still think the collective grievance is the way to go. Set out a list of bullet points of instances and practices - could be multiple pages long - of all the difficulties, and then make clear you all want to not work with her.

Nishky32 · 14/01/2023 09:11

KimberleyClark · 14/01/2023 09:09

Where I worked the tradition was for colleagues celebrating a birthday to bring in treats for the rest of the team.

That’s my experience-‘it’s my birthday I’ve bought/made a cake, help yourselves’

the idea of adults at work standing round singing happy birthday is mind boggling

tenbob · 14/01/2023 09:11

KimberleyClark · 14/01/2023 09:09

Where I worked the tradition was for colleagues celebrating a birthday to bring in treats for the rest of the team.

At every single office you’ve worked in?

SuperPup86 · 14/01/2023 09:13

Was it a kids party? Who has cake and candles and sings happy birthday in the workplace?

What a miserable outlook!

I work in a professional role and my immediate team have a birthday club where we chuck in a fiver each. We always have cake and force the birthday person to listen to us yowl the birthday song at them. We'd have candles if we could but it's against company policy. Everyone who's present gathers from the admin juniors to the senior manager.

Oblomov22 · 14/01/2023 09:14

Why haven't you done anything about any of this. Stop bleating about it, and do something. Tell her. Arrange a meeting.
Mn is good at phrasing these things more politely than me, but really you want to say:
"Please refrain from commenting on my teams lateness. They are my team not yours and I don't appreciate the comments."

Madamswearsalot · 14/01/2023 09:14

What's stopped the company actually getting rid in those times she's been managed because of an issue? Scared of repercussions or not enough to dismiss?

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. Working with people like that is misery for everyone. People like this, for whatever reason, rely on everyone else's silence, fear of conflict and politeness.

To really combat it you have to behave differently - for example if she picks up on a 'mistake' that is actually correct you should highlight loudly and to anyone who will listen that she's wrong and why. Be loud and proud in your flexible approach to start times and if she comments on lateness laugh and say 'productivity is so much more important than presenteeism'.

You're right that you can't move people past their natural habits. They need to have some ability to reflect which they generally lack. It may be that a move is the better option.

Myotherpetisamouse · 14/01/2023 09:15

All of these are petty things and the behaviour of all of you at your work is more akin to a playground than a professional environment.

Nishky32 · 14/01/2023 09:15

SuperPup86 · 14/01/2023 09:13

Was it a kids party? Who has cake and candles and sings happy birthday in the workplace?

What a miserable outlook!

I work in a professional role and my immediate team have a birthday club where we chuck in a fiver each. We always have cake and force the birthday person to listen to us yowl the birthday song at them. We'd have candles if we could but it's against company policy. Everyone who's present gathers from the admin juniors to the senior manager.

I wonder how many are thinking ‘for fuck’s sake’ must be a certain percentage

Oblomov22 · 14/01/2023 09:15

Have you complained to your manager re her butting in unwanted?

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 14/01/2023 09:16

Nishky32 · 14/01/2023 09:11

That’s my experience-‘it’s my birthday I’ve bought/made a cake, help yourselves’

the idea of adults at work standing round singing happy birthday is mind boggling

Yes and the candles is just odd

IVFbeenverylucky · 14/01/2023 09:16

All the stuff on ND: It can't be used as a defence every time someone criticises someone at work or in their personal life for being difficult or unreasonable.
It's also a silly term - totally meaningless. If you mean Aspergers' syndrome, then say so. If you mean something else, say that too.

FWIW I'm dyslexic, but I'm not ND. I think it's daft and offensive. My brother has severe disabilities, including autism, but he's not ND. He's not on the ASD. He's severely disabled.

@Soontobe60 If your DH "has" to comment on people breaking rules (like being 2 minutes like ffs), then just tell him it's a rule to not comment. Which it sort of is anyway. A social rule.

atteatimeeverybodyagrees · 14/01/2023 09:17

tenbob · 14/01/2023 09:06

Wait, who DOESN’T?!

Ive worked in various different offices from PLC head offices to trading floors to start ups, and have always seen people getting a cake and happy birthday sung (not candles at the PLC because the fire alarms were nuts sensitive)

Every where I have worked the birthday haver brings in treats

freyamay74 · 14/01/2023 09:18

I started off feeling sympathetic because I've know some truly awful people in the workplace.

However some things don't add up OP:

-if you were managing her prior to ML, why did you stipulate that you would only return if she wasn't under your management? If you actually want her sacked, why not remain as her line manager? This makes it feel like you didn't have the balls to confront her behaviour when you had legitimacy to do so, but you're now hoping to get rid of her in a more underhand way. Sounds cowardly.

-why are you using her objection to workers being late as something to 'bolster' your desire to get her sacked? Do you not understand that a relaxed and friendly workplace doesn't equate with people taking the piss and rocking up late? It's laughable to think you could be trying to get someone sacked just because they expect people to adhere to their working hours.

NC72927 · 14/01/2023 09:18

Sorry like but if a colleague of mine threw away my birthday cake because it wasn’t to her liking I’d be going nuts! what on earth gives her the right, people trying to justify it with ‘maybe she felt left out’ paha!

its also got nothing to do with her if another colleague has got permission off their manager to print some personal stuff in colour, literally- sounds like she’s just one of those, just smile and nod when she gets involved and keep any cake away from her.

SnoozyLucy7 · 14/01/2023 09:20

freyamay74 · 14/01/2023 08:44

Ps my post is assuming that everything you say is true and that she's a genuinely very difficult nit picking person. But of course we've only heard your side. Tbh things like regular lateness to work really aren't ok. It's a mistake to think having a relaxed and friendly workplace means people can take the piss

But a lot of places are like this, and the company and bosses are great to work for. As long as all the work is done, on time, what does it matter if you come in at 9 or 9:15am?

HeldAtHunPoint · 14/01/2023 09:21

What does the wider management think? If she’s been given a more senior role to accommodate your 4 day week, they must not be concerned? I do think a lot of the stuff you’ve mentioned in isolation sounds petty, and when you put it all together it comes across more nitpicky, so I’m not sure how you could raise this with her manager in a constructive way. Sorry Op.

abigailsnan · 14/01/2023 09:22

You really sound like a bunch of bullies tbh why can't you arrange to have a meeting with this collegue and iron things out between you all,you are all adults for goodness sake not teenagers.

I have learnt over the years that being over friendly with team members does always work out for the best,it sounds as though you are all putting in your negative thoughts about this colleague giving her no chance to make things better,does she have any homelife or have you never thought to ask ??

KimberleyClark · 14/01/2023 09:24

tenbob · 14/01/2023 09:11

At every single office you’ve worked in?

I’ve never worked anywhere where people were presented with birthday cakes, no.