I know I am AIBU, but whenever child-free ppl complain about being tired I get annoyed, barring medical/health issues

[worldenoughandtime]

This is just a secret confession here, in the anonymity of the internet, and I hope I have enough social skills to disguise my true feelings. Which is of extreme annoyance when child-free people complain about being tired (given there are no aggravating health concerns). (In my social circle at least, people complain about being tired and busy all the time).

The tiredness that comes with managing kids - especially more than one, and especially for lone/single parents of which there seems to be more and more- is just on a different level. Needed to get that off my chest.

It's the same as the ridiculous notion that parenthood is 'the hardest job in the world'. It's really not, it's time consuming and dull but it is in no way actually requires any sort of skill. The fact that chimps parent effectively as do various other birds and animals should be a bit of a giveaway that it's not exactly up there with splitting the atom!

Good for you? Both my kids are in bed and I have Byron on the way.

I'm tired because I don't sleep

So sorry, Snoopy. Sending love

In truth I was far more lazy & tired before I had children

Enjoy drinking alone

But maybe they have a parent or partner that requires a lot of home care, visits, which could well be exhausting.
or maybe they have a patch whereby they go through a very demanding and stressful time at work.
Everybody's circumstances are different.

As a child free person with several chronic illnesses, I understand...You need to remember that people are only able to compare within the confines of their own experience.

Well I can tell you for sure, working 2 jobs before I had children left me more tired on a daily level than having kids ever has. Barring the 9 month long pregnancy insomnia but anyone with insomnia for what ever reason will understand that tired!

I am childless and single and I do actually think you are being unreasonable. You don't always know what pressures people are under and it absolutely is not a competition. I'm currently facing the possibility of having a life changing illness and dealing with it alone, no spouse to support me or adult children to help me out as I age. I know you said "with the exception of illness" but it is the facing it alone that is the mot difficult thing for me right now.

A childless person could be caring for an aging parent or a sibling with serious health problems or be in another situation that is way less choiceful than having children is for most people. There are many reasons why people can be exhausted. Would you rather suffer the exhaustion of having children or the pain of being childless not by choice?
Surely it is better for us all to support and be compassionate to each others as best we can instead of being competitive with one another. If you show support and compassion to someone else then they are way more likely to give you support back.

You're not very bright op are you?

I’ve been tired my whole life. Had to sleep loads and I napped every weekend before I had a child. Oddly I now have bags more energy and rarely nap!

I was just thinking I fancy an early night. Cup of tea, book, then eight hours of the dreamless. 😅I'll enjoy it all the more now.

I don't get this shit. Tiredness is tiredness. There are no different types of tired. Anyone, children or not, can be tired for a whole number of reasons.

To suggest people with children experience a different kind of tired than anyone else is just stupid. Children may be a reason you are tired, but it doesn't mean other people can't be tired too for different reasons.

I'd fucking love to drink alone. Or to just do anything alone, even for 5 minutes.

I think the absolute exhaustion that childless/child-free people get from having to deal with the attitudes of self-focussed parents such as @worldenoughandtime is way more tiring than the tiredness that parents feel.

From what I remember of pre-child, and then little children, what I found hardest was that when I could or wanted to sleep, I couldn't, with children, it was based on their timetable, their needs. I thought I'd be fine because I'd suffered from nightmares and insomnia for years, so I was used to lack of sleep. Yes, I was, but on my timetable, not theirs - add theirs to mine and it was a bloody nightmare!

Wow! OP. I have raised 5 dc (2 of which I didn’t give birth to). All are now adults, so to the outside world I am child free. I am no longer eligible for a pension so I work part time as needs must. I also care for 2 of my GC twice a week to take the pressure off their parents so they can work.

I also care for my MIL, who has dementia. I have to find time to attend meetings regarding her needs, as well as making sure her needs are met, as far as I can. SS are reluctant to put her in a home, best suited for her needs, because there aren’t any!

I have also been sole carer for both my DP, until the day they died.

My DH is disabled so I have no choice than to make sure he is adequately cared for, and comfortable too. Every day. Even when I’m at work.

Every phone call, text, message I receive from all 5 adult DC is, usually, to tell me about their problems and ask for help how to deal with them.

Thank God my other DGC live too far away to rely on me for childcare as well is all I can say.

I’m child free but exhausted! The easiest time in my life was when my DC were little and I could enjoy them - and life in general.

YABU.

It doesn’t get any easier, even when your DC are adults. Hope you are looking forward to dealing with adult DC angst, childcare for DGC and failing health of your parents and in laws. Good luck!

Life isn't a competition. I have two kids both with additional needs and I'm exhausted but I recognise everyone is whether they have children or not.

Similar sort of thing.. I have seen mums with 5 or 6 kids say they are more tired than a mum with 2. But does it really matter who's more tired? All parents are tired whether they have 1, 2, 5 or 10 kids. People without kids are tired too. Everyone is tired.

I was tired before I had kids, I'm still tired now. For me I'm more emotionally tired right now Esther than physically.

My friends with kids often comment that we didn’t realize how little sleep a human being can survive on until we had kids. I definitely feel more exhausted now than I did before I had kids. I think it’s the relentlessness of parenting that is different. You don’t ever really seem to get a break. But I don’t think my exhaustion is any more frustrating or valid than people without kids. Anyway I’m usually just too exhausted to compare!

Ha ha exactly this!

Oh Dear @worldenoughandtime That's a very judgemental way of thinking. I understand you are very tired dealing with young children because it goes with the territory but you have absolutely no idea how many people are struggling trying to deal with other things and are also completely exhausted.

Try dealing with very elderly parents for example, who in many ways become exactly like small children - but unlike young children, looking after them is only going to get more difficult and not easier. Try dealing with very disabled children. Try dealing with a horrendously busy, difficult job having to do long and or unsociable hours. Etc Etc

Having small children is no worse than the things other people are coping with on a daily basis and try to have some sympathy for others instead of feeling it is all about you

YABVVU

I'm childfree and exhausted OP, I did get a long lie today and then sat on my arse all day pleasing myself but its still really very tiring. I expect I'm far more tired than you as well.

I hope OP got this out of her system and will be able to continue to avoid communicating her annoyance to people in her real life, because it's an obnoxious attitude that won't win friends or allies. And it's not just a matter of not giving voice to the annoyance, but also of keeping a neutral facial expression, not sighing, etc. People can usually tell when someone is unsympathetic or annoyed.

I don’t think anyone gets to own ‘tired’ and it’s all relative.

But yeah, kids are fucking exhausting.